A meal alone can be convenient, enjoyable, awkward, or some mixture of all three. You don’t need to be especially confident to try it, and you don’t need to draw conclusions about anyone else sitting by themselves. They might be traveling, taking a lunch break, enjoying some quiet, or wishing they had company.
If you’d like to feel more comfortable booking a table for one, there’s some encouraging research. In a set of studies published in the Journal of Consumer Research, Rebecca Ratner and Rebecca Hamilton found that people often hold back from enjoyable public activities alone, partly because they worry others will think they have few friends. They also found that people tend to overestimate how much their enjoyment depends on having company. In other words, you may enjoy it more than you expect.
These seven practical choices may help.
The Artful Parent
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1. Choose somewhere you actually want to eat
Pick a place because you like the food, the coffee or the atmosphere, not to prove you can manage alone. A meal you’re looking forward to is a better starting point than a challenge.
2. Start with a setting that feels manageable
A familiar café or a casual lunch may suit you better than a busy Saturday evening service. Daytime, counter seating or places where people often eat alone can make it easier to settle in.
3. Ask for seating that works for you
You’re allowed to ask. “A table for one, please. Is there somewhere by the window?” Some people prefer a seat with a view, others a quieter corner, others a spot at the bar or counter.
4. Bring something if you’d enjoy it
A book, a notebook, a crossword or your phone is fine. There’s no need to perform perfect presence. Ratner and Hamilton also found that giving an activity a practical purpose, such as getting some work done at a coffee shop, made people more interested in doing it alone. If having something with you helps you relax, bring it.
5. Let yourself settle in
Read the menu, order, and take your time. It’s common to feel a little self-conscious for the first few minutes. Feeling awkward initially doesn’t mean the outing has failed.
6. Notice what you actually enjoy, or miss
Perhaps you like choosing your own pace, ordering exactly what you want, or having a quiet hour to think. Perhaps you’d rather have company for dinner, even if a solo lunch is fine. Either response gives you useful information.
And if a meal alone leaves you feeling lonely, that’s worth noticing too. Wanting company isn’t a sign of being less independent. It may be a nudge to reach out to someone and plan the next meal together.
7. Decide whether you want to repeat it
Keep what worked and change what didn’t. Maybe next time you’ll try a different time of day, a different café, or leave the book at home. An expensive dinner isn’t a higher level you need to reach.
A note for parents and caregivers
For parents and caregivers, part of the challenge can be arranging the time. If someone else needs to cover a responsibility, agree on the time beforehand: “Could you take the kids from 12 to 1:30 on Saturday so I can grab lunch?” A short lunch can be enough. The outing doesn’t need to become an elaborate occasion.
Where to start
Pick one place and one time that feel easy, and give it a try. Afterward, ask yourself what you liked and what you’d change. That’s all the information you need to decide on next time.