
Behavioral scientists found that children who grew up having to manage a parent’s emotional state — keeping the peace, reading the room, becoming small when the atmosphere required it — don’t just carry anxiety into adulthood, they carry a bone-deep belief that their job in any close relationship is to regulate the other person’s feelings before attending to their own
There’s a pattern I’ve been sitting with for a while now, long enough to have found the language for it, and I want to talk










