Parenting has a funny way of turning us into echoes.
We open our mouths and—whoops—out comes something our own parents used to say.
Sometimes that’s a comfort.
Other times we stop mid-sentence and think, “When did I become my dad?” After years as a parent and now a grandparent, I still catch those old scripts, especially on long days when habit runs the show.
That doesn’t mean we’re doing it “wrong.” It means we’re human.
We carry forward tiny patterns we barely notice.
The upside? Tiny patterns are the easiest to tweak.
Change the habit and the ripple spreads through your home.
Here are seven small habits many of us keep from our own childhoods—usually without realizing it—and what to try instead.
1) Defaulting to “because I said so”
When I was a young dad, “because I said so” felt efficient.
It ended the debate before the pasta overcooked.
But it also ended the chance to teach.
Kids need boundaries, yes—but they also need reasons so they can build judgment.
Try this shift: Give a brief why and a small choice inside the boundary.
“It’s bedtime so your brain can recharge. Do we read one book now or two tomorrow?”
You’re still in charge, just teaching as you go.
Over time, that builds an inner compass, not just outer compliance.
2) Dismissing feelings with quick phrases
Many of us grew up on “You’re fine,” “Big boys don’t cry,” or “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
Those lines were meant to soothe, but they shut the door on real emotion.
I still catch myself saying them with my grandkids.
Swap dismissal for acknowledgment: “Oof, that looked like it hurt,” or “You seem frustrated.”
It takes ten extra seconds and tells a child that feelings are safe here.
Once the wave passes, then you problem-solve.
You don’t need a therapy session for every stubbed toe—just a little space to be human.
3) Comparing as motivation
Comparisons were common when I grew up: to siblings, neighbors, or the mythical kid who practiced an hour a day.
The goal was to inspire; the result is often anxiety.
If success becomes a race, the win rarely satisfies.
Compare your child to your child.
“Last week you read ten pages; today you read twelve,” or, “You stuck with the puzzle five minutes longer than yesterday.”
If you’re a regular reader, you may remember I covered this “compete with your past self” idea when talking about confidence.
Same principle: Progress over status.
It calms sibling rivalry too—praise specific effort for each child instead of ranking.
4) Labeling kids early and often
“She’s the shy one.”
“He’s the smart one.”
Labels can sound affectionate, but they harden into roles.
The “shy one” stops raising her hand, the “smart one” avoids challenges to protect the label, and the “responsible one” cleans up everyone’s mess.
Turn labels into observations about behavior.
“You were quiet until you warmed up—totally fine.”
“You’re curious about numbers and you worked hard on that problem.”
I like adding “today:” “You were brave today.”
That one word keeps identity open, because kids are still under construction.
5) Food rules from another era
“Clean your plate” and “Finish the peas to earn dessert” made sense in households like mine, mixing love with scarcity—or just aiming for a peaceful dinner.
However, those rules can scramble hunger cues and make dessert a trophy.
Try small portions with easy seconds.
Put a little of everything on the plate and let kids choose the order they eat.
If dessert is planned, offer a modest serving regardless of broccoli intake.
It removes the power struggle and turns food back into…food.
In a creative home (you’re on ArtFul parent, after all), invite kids to build a “colorful plate:” Something red, something green, something crunchy, something creamy.
Make it playful, but keep it low-pressure.
6) Treating mistakes like crises instead of classrooms
If you grew up with perfectionism, it’s easy to flinch when the volcano doesn’t erupt or the homework sheet vanishes.
Some parents swoop in to rescue; others scold.
Either way, the mistake becomes the main character.
Shift your posture to coach.
When a paper airplane nose-dives, ask, “Want to figure out why?”
Adjust, test, and cheer.
A quick nightly check-in helps: Name one thing that went sideways and one thing learned.
No lecture, just reflection.
Kids discover errors are part of making and growing—not proof they’re not good enough.
7) Treating play and creativity as optional extras
Many of us were taught that play comes after the “real stuff.”
Homework first, chores second, and if time remains, you can draw.
That hierarchy can make kids hide their creative impulses.
Play isn’t a reward; it’s fuel.
It builds attention, flexible thinking, and mood regulation.
You don’t need fancy supplies.
Keep a box with paper, tape, markers, and recycled odds and ends and make ten minutes of “make anything” time after school can change the evening.
Hands busy and hearts open—to satisfy the tidy soul in all of us, set a five-minute group cleanup at the end.
Creativity and responsibility can live in the same room.
Closing thoughts
You don’t need perfection—just one small change this week.
Maybe bedtime softens by five minutes, maybe dinner has one less argument, or maybe your child tells you something new.
If you slip? Repair is great teaching.
“I snapped earlier; I’m sorry. Let’s start over.”
When our kids see us own our patterns, they learn how to own theirs.
Which small habit are you ready to retire—and which new one will you try in its place?
