I was folding laundry the other day when Ellie wandered over, clutching her favorite stuffed bunny, and asked if I loved her even when she made mistakes.
My heart squeezed. Of course I do, I told her. But it made me think about all the small, quiet ways my own parents showed they cared—ways I didn’t fully appreciate until I became a parent myself.
Growing up, my household was traditional. My mom stayed home, made everything from scratch, and my dad worked long hours.
Conversations at dinner stayed surface-level, and emotions weren’t exactly discussed openly. But looking back now, there were these tiny phrases—easy to miss if you weren’t paying attention—that carried so much more weight than I realized.
If you heard these nine quiet phrases as a child, your parents cared far more than you might have known.
1) “I’m proud of you”
This one seems obvious, but hear me out. I’m not talking about the big, showy proclamations after winning a trophy or acing a test. I’m talking about the whispered version—said over a sink full of dishes or during a car ride home.
My dad wasn’t an emotional guy. He worked as much as he could to provide for us, and affection didn’t come easily. But every once in a while, he’d say it quietly: “I’m proud of you.” Not because I’d done something impressive, but because I’d tried.
When parents say this in the small moments, they’re telling you that effort matters more than outcome. That who you’re becoming is more important than what you’re achieving.
Now, when Milo tries to zip his own jacket for the tenth time and finally gets it, I make sure to tell him I’m proud. Not of the jacket. Of his persistence.
2) “Tell me more”
Kids talk. A lot. About everything. Rocks they found, dreams they had, the intricate rules of a game they just invented.
It’s easy to tune out or offer distracted “uh-huhs” while mentally planning dinner. But when a parent actually stops what they’re doing and says, “Tell me more,” that’s connection. That’s respect for your inner world.
My mom did this more than I gave her credit for. I’d ramble about a book I was reading or a silly argument with a friend, and she’d set down whatever she was doing and genuinely ask me to keep going.
As Brené Brown notes, listening without judgment creates space for kids to share their full selves, and I’ve found this to be absolutely true. When I use “tell me more” with Ellie during her long, winding stories about leaves and ladybugs, I’m not just hearing words—I’m learning how she sees the world.
3) “I believe you”
This phrase can be life-changing, especially when a child is struggling with something hard to articulate.
Maybe you were scared of something that seemed silly to adults. Maybe you felt left out or hurt by a friend. When a parent says, “I believe you,” they’re validating your reality—not dismissing it, not minimizing it.
I remember telling my mom I felt anxious before a school presentation, and instead of brushing it off with “you’ll be fine,” she said, “I believe you. That sounds really hard.” It was such a small shift, but it made me feel seen instead of dramatic.
Now, when Ellie tells me her tummy hurts before a playdate with new kids, I don’t rush to fix it. I believe her. Her feelings are real, even if the fear seems small from the outside.
4) “It’s okay to feel sad (or angry, or scared)”
Emotions were tricky in my childhood home. My parents weren’t big on discussing feelings, and there was definitely an unspoken rule about keeping things pleasant.
But every once in a while, usually from my mom, I’d hear: “It’s okay to feel sad about that.” Permission. Not a directive to cheer up or get over it. Just acknowledgment that the feeling was allowed.
Looking back, those moments were the foundation for how I approach emotions with my own kids. Milo had a full meltdown yesterday because his tower fell, and instead of redirecting him immediately, I sat with him and said, “You’re really mad. That’s okay.”
Kids need to know their feelings won’t scare us away. That anger, sadness, frustration—they’re all part of being human, not character flaws to fix.
5) “I made a mistake too”
Perfect parents don’t exist, but some parents will never admit when they’re wrong. The ones who quietly say, “I made a mistake too” or “I messed that up”? Those are the parents modeling humility and accountability.
My mom wasn’t perfect—she was anxious, a bit of a worrier, and sometimes that bubbled over. But when she snapped unfairly or overreacted, she’d come back later and say, “I shouldn’t have done that. I made a mistake.”
That taught me more than any lecture could. It showed me that making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means you’re human, and what matters is how you repair.
I practice this constantly with my kids now. Just last week I lost my patience with Ellie over something small, and later I sat with her and said, “I made a mistake. I’m sorry I raised my voice.” Her little face softened, and she hugged me. Repair matters.
6) “What do you think you should do?”
This phrase is sneaky powerful. Instead of swooping in with solutions or instructions, it hands the reins back to the child.
I didn’t realize how much my parents did this until I became one myself. When I’d come to them with a problem—a disagreement with my sister, uncertainty about a decision—they’d often turn it back: “What do you think you should do?”
At the time, I thought they were just being unhelpful. Now I see they were building my decision-making muscles. They trusted me to figure things out, even if I stumbled.
Matt and I try to do this with Ellie, especially now that she’s five and testing boundaries. When she’s frustrated about sharing toys or navigating friendships, we ask her what she thinks is fair. Sometimes she surprises us with her wisdom.
7) “I’m listening”
Three syllables. Massive impact.
“I’m listening” isn’t the same as “I’m hearing words come out of your mouth.” It’s active. Intentional. It means: You have my full attention, and what you’re saying matters.
My dad wasn’t a big talker, but when he said this, he meant it. He’d turn off the TV or put down the paper, and you knew he was fully present.
I try to model this, though I’ll be honest—it’s hard in the chaos of daily life. But when Milo tugs on my leg while I’m chopping vegetables and I stop, crouch down, and say, “I’m listening,” his whole body relaxes.
Research from parenting experts like Daniel Siegel emphasizes that children need to feel heard before they can move through difficult emotions. Connection before correction. It works.
8) “You don’t have to be perfect”
If I could go back and thank my mom for one thing, it might be this phrase. She said it more times than I can count, especially during my perfectionist middle school years when I’d spiral over a B+ or a messy art project.
“You don’t have to be perfect.”
It sounds simple, but for a kid who’s internalizing impossible standards—from school, peers, or themselves—it’s permission to exhale.
I’m a recovering perfectionist myself, still working through anxiety that shows up as over-checking and overthinking. But I’m determined to give my kids a different message. When Ellie gets frustrated that her drawing doesn’t look “right,” I remind her: You don’t have to be perfect. The trying is the whole point.
Progress, not perfection. That’s the mantra in our house now.
9) “I love you, no matter what”
This is the big one. The unconditional anchor.
Some parents say “I love you” constantly, and that’s beautiful. But the ones who add “no matter what”? They’re making a promise. No performance required. No conditions. You are loved, full stop.
My parents said this in different ways—my mom more directly, my dad through actions—but the message was there. Even when I messed up or disappointed them, the love didn’t waver.
I tell my kids this every single night during our bedtime routine. After stories and back rubs, I whisper, “Nothing you do will make me love you less.” Ellie always smiles. Milo usually just snuggles closer.
But I know those words are sinking in, building a foundation of security that I hope will carry them through whatever comes.
Final thoughts
It’s funny how hindsight works. The phrases that seemed small or forgettable as a kid turn out to be the ones that shaped you most.
My parents weren’t perfect—no one is. Our house was traditional, emotions stayed under the surface, and there were plenty of things I wish had been different. But those quiet phrases? They mattered. They were acts of care I’m only now learning to fully appreciate.
If you heard these growing up, even just a few of them, you were seen. You were valued. Your parents were doing their best to show love in the ways they knew how.
And if you’re a parent now, struggling to find the right words or worrying you’re not doing enough—start here. Start small. These phrases don’t require perfect circumstances or extra time. They just require presence.
Tell your kids you believe them. Let them feel their feelings. Admit when you mess up. Ask what they think. Listen. Really listen.
The big moments matter, sure. But it’s the quiet ones—the phrases whispered in passing or said over breakfast—that kids carry with them forever.
Our children are paying attention, even when we think they’re not. And one day, when they’re folding laundry with their own kids nearby, they’ll remember. They’ll realize how much you cared, even in the smallest moments.
That’s the kind of legacy worth building.
