I was at a community garden gathering last spring—one of those casual Saturday mornings where parents bring their kids and everyone chips in with weeding or planting. It should’ve been easy and relaxed.
But there was this one mom who, within five minutes of meeting me, dove into explicit details about her recent medical procedure. I’m talking graphic specifics while I was literally holding a basket of tomatoes I’d just picked with Ellie.
The whole vibe shifted. People started finding reasons to drift away. And I felt caught—wanting to be kind, but also feeling deeply uncomfortable.
That moment stuck with me because it reminded me how much conversation really is an art. It’s not about censoring yourself or walking on eggshells. It’s about reading the room and understanding that some topics need trust, context, and timing before they’re brought into the mix.
If someone consistently brings up certain subjects without gauging the comfort level around them, it often signals they’re missing some key social awareness.
Here are nine topics that, when dropped into casual conversation too quickly or too often, usually point to below-average social skills.
1) Graphic health details
We all deal with health stuff. Honestly, as a mom of two little ones, I’ve seen my share of bodily fluids and weird rashes. But there’s a massive difference between mentioning you’re recovering from something and launching into vivid descriptions of symptoms, surgeries, or bathroom issues.
I remember sitting at the farmers’ market last fall when an acquaintance started detailing her digestive problems—complete with color commentary—while I was buying fresh bread. I genuinely wanted to be supportive, but it was way too much information for that setting.
People with stronger social awareness understand that health talk needs context. Are you close friends? Is the other person asking? Is anyone eating?
When someone ignores these cues and overshares medical details in casual settings, it shows they’re not picking up on the discomfort they’re creating. And that’s a pretty clear sign of weak social skills.
2) Money talk and status flexing
Nothing makes a conversation awkward faster than someone casually dropping how much they paid for their car, what their mortgage is, or how much they’re investing.
Matt and I are pretty open about living on a budget—we shop secondhand first, meal plan to stretch our grocery dollars, and save slowly for the things that matter. But I’d never dream of announcing our financial details to someone I just met at a playdate.
When people constantly reference prices, salaries, or expensive purchases, it usually comes from insecurity rather than confidence. As psychologist Daniel Goleman notes, social awareness means understanding how our words land on others—and money talk almost always creates comparison or discomfort.
The socially skilled person knows that financial stuff is deeply personal and doesn’t belong in casual conversation unless someone explicitly asks or you’re in a context where it’s appropriate.
3) Unsolicited parenting critiques
Oh, this one hits close to home.
When Milo was about six months old and I was babywearing him at the grocery store, a stranger told me I was “spoiling him” by holding him so much. Another time, someone at a birthday party commented that Ellie was “too sensitive” when she got overwhelmed by the noise.
People who launch into parenting advice or criticism without being asked are missing a fundamental social skill: understanding boundaries.
Unless someone specifically asks for your opinion on how they’re raising their kids, offering commentary—especially negative—is invasive and judgment-loaded. It suggests you think your way is superior and that they’re doing something wrong.
And honestly? Most parents are doing the best they can with what they have. We don’t need drive-by opinions from people who don’t know our full story.
4) Divisive politics or religion in casual settings
There’s absolutely a time and place for deep conversations about beliefs, politics, and values. Matt and I have some of our best talks after the kids are in bed, and I love exploring different perspectives with close friends.
But dropping heated political opinions or religious viewpoints into casual acquaintance-level conversations is like throwing a match into dry kindling.
I’ve watched casual playdates turn uncomfortable when someone starts pushing their political views without reading the room first. The energy shifts immediately—people get defensive, tense, or just quietly check out.
Social awareness means recognizing that these topics require trust, mutual respect, and genuine interest from both sides. When someone can’t sense that a light conversation isn’t the right context for heavy debate, it signals they’re not tuned into the social dynamics around them.
5) Endless negativity and complaining
We all have hard days. Last Tuesday, I was running on three hours of sleep because Milo had been up half the night, Ellie spilled paint all over the kitchen floor, and I’d forgotten to defrost anything for dinner.
But when I ran into a neighbor at the community center, I didn’t unload all of that. I kept it light, maybe mentioned we had a rough morning, and moved on.
Some people, though, turn every conversation into a complaint session. Everything is terrible—the weather, the traffic, their job, the state of the world. It’s exhausting to be around.
Constant negativity drains the energy from any interaction. It signals poor emotional regulation and a lack of awareness about how that affects others.
People with better social skills know how to acknowledge frustrations without letting them dominate the tone. They balance reality with resilience and don’t dump all their stress onto every person they encounter.
6) Oversharing trauma or deep personal pain
Vulnerability is powerful. Being real about our struggles creates connection. I’ve written openly about my postpartum anxiety after Milo was born because I think it helps other parents feel less alone.
But there’s a big difference between appropriate vulnerability and emotional dumping.
I once had someone at a La Leche League meeting tell me about her childhood trauma, her divorce, and her estrangement from her family—all within the first ten minutes of us meeting. She was clearly hurting, and I genuinely felt for her. But I also felt overwhelmed and trapped.
That level of disclosure requires relationship foundation. You need to build trust gradually before diving into the deep, heavy stuff.
When someone unloads intense personal pain onto a near-stranger, they’re not considering the other person’s capacity or consent. They’re treating the conversation like a therapy session without realizing the other person didn’t sign up for that role.
7) Gossip and talking about others
This is such a trust-killer.
If someone is willing to gossip to you about other people, you can bet they’re talking about you when you’re not around. It’s just how it works.
I learned this the hard way years ago when I was still teaching. There was one colleague who loved dishing about everyone else in the break room. At first, I thought it was just friendly chatting. Then I realized—if she’ll say this about them, what’s she saying about me?
Gossip signals insecurity and a lack of empathy. It’s using other people’s lives as entertainment without considering how hurtful that is.
Socially aware people talk about ideas, experiences, and interests—not dissecting other people’s choices or problems. They understand that respect means not making someone’s private life your conversation fodder.
8) Non-stop self-focus and achievement bragging
There’s nothing wrong with sharing good news. When Matt landed a great project last year, I was excited to tell close friends. And when Ellie learned to ride her bike without training wheels, you better believe I celebrated that moment.
But conversation is supposed to be a back-and-forth. It’s about connection, not performance.
Some people turn every topic into an opportunity to talk about their accomplishments, their travels, their successes. Every story somehow loops back to them and how impressive they are.
This is what researchers call conversational narcissism—the habit of constantly steering conversations back to yourself without reciprocal interest in others.
When someone can’t stop talking about their achievements, it doesn’t come across as confident. It signals insecurity and a desperate need for validation. And more importantly, it shows they’re not interested in actually connecting—they just want an audience.
9) Ignoring social cues and emotional states
This might be the most fundamental one.
Social skills are really about paying attention—to body language, tone, energy shifts, and unspoken signals. When someone keeps talking about a topic after others have clearly checked out, or when they don’t notice that someone is upset or uncomfortable, it reveals a significant gap in awareness.
I think about the times I’ve been in conversations where I’m clearly needing to wrap up—glancing at my watch, shifting my weight, giving short answers—and the other person just keeps going. They’re so focused on what they want to say that they’re not picking up on what’s happening around them.
Social awareness, as experts note, lives in the subtleties. It’s noticing pauses, reading facial expressions, sensing shifts in mood. When someone misses all of that, it shows they’re not fully present in the interaction.
Conclusion
Here’s what I want you to know: we all mess up in conversations sometimes. I’ve definitely put my foot in my mouth more than once. Just last month, I made an awkward comment at a workshop I was leading and immediately felt the energy change.
The difference is becoming aware of these patterns and adjusting.
Social skills aren’t about being perfect or never making mistakes. They’re about reading the room, showing genuine interest in others, and understanding that conversation is a dance—not a monologue.
If you recognize some of these habits in yourself, don’t beat yourself up. Awareness is the first step. Start paying closer attention to how people respond when you talk. Notice their body language, their energy, their level of engagement.
Ask yourself: Am I making this person feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Am I connecting or performing? Am I listening as much as I’m speaking?
The best conversations are the ones where everyone leaves feeling heard and valued. And that starts with understanding that what we say—and when we say it—matters more than we might think.
Progress not perfection, right? That’s what I remind myself when I’m navigating the messy, beautiful work of connecting with other humans. And honestly, that mindset makes all the difference.
