I used to think something was wrong with me when I’d turn down invitations to happy hour after work. My colleagues would look at me like I had three heads when I’d say I preferred staying home with a book instead of hitting the bars.
Then I moved from Central Asia to Malaysia, then to Brazil. Living across different cultures taught me that introversion and extroversion aren’t about being broken or fixed. They’re just different ways of recharging.
My husband is textbook extrovert. He thrives in crowds and gets energized by social gatherings. I love him dearly, but watching him navigate the world has shown me just how differently we’re wired. What fills my cup drains his, and what lights him up exhausts me.
Here are nine things that introverts genuinely enjoy, while extroverts might feel like they’re being tortured.
1. Spending Friday night at home doing absolutely nothing
After a long week of work meetings and managing a household, there’s nothing I love more than a quiet Friday evening. Matias walks through the door at 7pm, and instead of suggesting we go out, I’m already in comfortable clothes with dinner cooking on the stove.
For introverts, this is heaven. We’ve spent the week surrounded by people, making small talk, and being “on” all day. By Friday, our social battery is completely drained.
Extroverts, on the other hand, see Friday night as prime time to reconnect with people. They’ve been cooped up at work all week and need human interaction to feel alive again. Staying home feels like punishment to them. My extroverted friends will text me on Friday afternoon asking about evening plans, and when I say I’m staying in, they respond with sad face emojis like I’m missing out on life.
But here’s the thing. I’m not missing out. I’m refilling my tank so I can actually enjoy the weekend ahead.
2. Eating lunch alone at a quiet spot
When I worked in an office before going remote, I’d take my lunch and find a quiet corner away from the cafeteria chaos. Sometimes I’d eat in my car. Other times I’d walk to a nearby park.
This wasn’t because I disliked my colleagues. I just needed 30 minutes of silence to reset for the afternoon.
Extroverts find solo lunches depressing. They see mealtime as a chance to socialize and connect. One of my former coworkers once told me that eating alone made her feel like everyone had abandoned her. For her, lunch was the highlight of the workday because she got to chat and catch up with people.
For me, those solo lunches were what made the rest of my day possible.
3. Canceling plans at the last minute (and feeling relieved instead of guilty)
I know this one makes introverts sound flaky, but hear me out. Sometimes you agree to plans when you’re feeling social, and when the day arrives, the thought of leaving your house feels impossible.
Extroverts don’t get this. They’re counting down the hours until they can meet up with friends. Canceling plans makes them feel isolated and disappointed.
But introverts often overestimate their future social energy. When Tuesday rolls around and you realize you committed to drinks on Friday, you start to panic. By Friday, you’re running on empty, and the thought of putting on real clothes and making conversation sounds worse than a root canal.
The relief that washes over you when plans get canceled is real. It’s not that you don’t like the person. You just desperately need to be alone.
4. Taking long walks without headphones or company
Most mornings after Matias leaves for work, Emilia and I walk him to the office, then we stop by the supermarket. But on weekends, when our nanny is with Emilia, I’ll sometimes take a solo walk around Itaim Bibi with nothing but my thoughts.
No music. No podcasts. No phone calls. Just me and whatever’s going on in my head.
Extroverts find this unsettling. They need stimulation, whether that’s a conversation, music, or at least a podcast to keep them company. Silence feels uncomfortable, almost eerie. My husband once tried walking without his headphones and lasted about ten minutes before he said it felt “too weird.”
But for introverts, those quiet walks are where we do our best thinking. We process the week, work through problems, and just exist without performing for anyone.
5. Shopping alone (especially for clothes or groceries)
I love shopping, but I love it solo. When I’m picking out clothes or browsing for ingredients, I move at my own pace. I can try things on without commentary, leave whenever I want, and make decisions without negotiating with anyone else.
Extroverts treat shopping like a social event. They want to bring friends, get opinions, and turn it into an outing. Shopping alone feels lonely to them, like they’re missing half the fun.
But when you’re an introvert, shopping with someone else means constant conversation and decision-making fatigue. You’re already choosing between ten different pasta shapes. You don’t need someone asking what you think about their shoe options at the same time.
Solo shopping is efficient and peaceful. You get what you need without the mental drain of managing another person’s energy.
6. Skipping the office party (or any large group gathering)
Holiday parties, team building events, happy hours. Extroverts live for these moments. They’re energizing, fun, and a chance to bond with colleagues outside of work tasks.
For introverts, these events are work. You have to be “on” in a way that’s different from your regular job. There’s small talk, forced mingling, and navigating group dynamics while pretending to have the time of your life.
I’ve attended plenty of these events, and I’ve learned to pace myself. But if given the choice, I’d skip them entirely. It’s not that I hate people. It’s that large gatherings are exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain to someone who finds them energizing.
Extroverts see skipping these events as antisocial or unfriendly. They genuinely don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be there. But introverts know that showing up to everything means burning out faster.
7. Spending an entire weekend without leaving the house
Some weekends, after a particularly draining week, I don’t leave the apartment unless absolutely necessary. I cook, clean, play with Emilia, work on personal projects, and just exist in my own space.
To an extrovert, this sounds like solitary confinement. They need to get out, see people, and do things. Staying home all weekend feels like wasted time.
But introverts know that these weekends are essential maintenance. We’re not wasting time. We’re recovering so we can function during the week ahead. After a weekend at home, I feel recharged and ready to handle whatever comes next.
Extroverts recharge by being around people. Introverts recharge by being away from them. Neither approach is wrong. They’re just different.
8. Declining a promotion that requires constant networking and public speaking
I know several introverts who’ve turned down career opportunities because the role required too much extroverted energy. More client meetings, more presentations, more networking events.
Extroverts can’t fathom this decision. They see public speaking and networking as exciting challenges, not draining obligations. These activities actually energize them, so turning down a promotion because of them makes no sense.
But introverts have to calculate whether the increased salary is worth the mental and emotional cost. If a job requires you to be “on” all day, every day, with no downtime, it doesn’t matter how much it pays. You’ll burn out within months.
9. Enjoying your own company more than most people’s
This is the big one that extroverts struggle to understand. Introverts genuinely enjoy being alone. We’re not lonely. We’re not sad. We’re not waiting for someone to rescue us from our own company.
We like ourselves. We like our thoughts. We like the quiet.
Extroverts often interpret alone time as loneliness. They worry about us and try to pull us into social situations because they think we’re isolating ourselves. But there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
I spend plenty of time with Matias, Emilia, my girlfriends, and colleagues. But I also need significant time alone to process, reflect, and just be. That time alone isn’t a consolation prize. It’s the main event.
Final thoughts
Living with an extrovert has taught me that neither personality type is better or worse. We’re just wired differently. What drains me energizes him, and what restores me bores him.
The key is understanding that your needs are valid, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You’re not broken for needing alone time, and you’re not needy for craving social connection. You’re just different.
Stop apologizing for what recharges you. Stop forcing yourself into situations that drain you just because society says you should. And definitely stop judging others for having different needs than you do.
We all need different things to feel human. That’s not a problem to fix. That’s just how people work.
