My aunt visited me in Brazil last month, and I watched her struggle to video call her sister back home for twenty minutes. The camera was pointed at the ceiling, the volume was maxed out, and she kept yelling into the phone like it was 1985. When I gently showed her how to adjust things, she laughed and said, “I’m too old for this technology stuff.”
Here’s the thing. Age has nothing to do with it. I know plenty of people in their 60s and 70s who navigate their phones like pros. The difference isn’t the year they were born. It’s whether they’re willing to adapt to how communication works now.
If you recognize these habits in yourself or someone you love, it might be time for a small mindset shift. Technology isn’t the enemy. Staying curious is what keeps us connected.
1. They refuse to learn basic features because “it’s too complicated”
I get it. New apps can feel overwhelming at first. But choosing to stay confused when help is available is a choice, not an inevitability.
My husband’s aunt refuses to learn how to send photos through WhatsApp because she says it’s “too much.” Yet she somehow manages to forward chain messages about health scares and conspiracy theories without any trouble. The selective incompetence is telling.
When someone says technology is too complicated, what they often mean is they don’t want to invest fifteen minutes learning something new. That’s fine if you’re okay with relying on others for basic tasks. But it does create distance. The grandkids stop sharing updates because it’s easier to post on Instagram than to explain how to open an attachment for the third time.
Learning doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t need to master every feature. But knowing how to make a video call, send a photo, or use a maps app keeps you independent and connected to the people who matter.
Speaking of staying curious and learning about yourself — I’ve been thinking a lot about what drives my own resistance or openness to change. I took the Wild Soul Archetype Quiz recently, and it helped me understand which instinct moves me: the Phoenix’s embrace of transformation, the Buffalo’s preference for steady ground, the Dragon’s attraction to expansive thinking, or the Wolf’s loyalty to what works.
Understanding your core nature can actually explain a lot about how you approach new things, including technology. Sometimes knowing whether you’re wired for rebirth or stability helps you work with yourself instead of against yourself.
2. They call instead of texting for things that don’t need a conversation
There’s a time and place for phone calls. Catching up with an old friend, sharing big news, or working through something complex. Those moments deserve a voice.
But calling to ask “What time is dinner?” or “Did you get my message?” when a text would do creates unnecessary interruption. It signals that your time is more valuable than the other person’s, even if that’s not the intention.
Texting lets people respond when it’s convenient for them. It respects boundaries and gives everyone space to manage their day. I text my friends throughout the week, and we stay close without disrupting each other’s routines. When my mom calls for something that could have been a text, I feel the pressure to drop everything and pick up, even when I’m in the middle of work or putting Emilia down for a nap.
Respect for people’s time is one of the most underrated forms of kindness. A quick text shows you value their schedule as much as your own.
If it’s urgent, call. If it’s not, text. It’s that simple.
3. They leave voicemails that are way too long
Voicemail made sense when we couldn’t see who called us. Now, your name and number show up on the screen. We already know you called. A three-minute rambling message isn’t helpful. It’s homework.
I once listened to a five-minute voicemail from a distant relative who could have just texted, “Call me when you’re free.” Instead, I had to sit through a story about her neighbor’s dog, a weather update, and a vague question about family plans. By the time I called back, I’d forgotten what she actually wanted.
Keep voicemails short and clear. “Hey, it’s me. Can you call me back when you have a minute? Thanks.” That’s all it takes. If the message is longer than thirty seconds, it should probably be a text or an email instead.
People are more likely to respond quickly when you make it easy for them. Long voicemails get put off because they feel like a chore.
4. They forward every chain message without checking if it’s real
This one drives me up the wall. The “forward this to ten people or bad luck will follow” messages. The health warnings about everyday foods that have been debunked a hundred times. The political rumors that fall apart with a quick search.
Forwarding without fact-checking spreads misinformation and clogs up group chats. It also makes people take you less seriously. When everything you share is sensational or fake, your actual messages get ignored too.
Before hitting send, take ten seconds to verify. A quick search usually reveals whether something is legitimate or just internet noise. If you’re not sure, don’t share it. It’s better to stay quiet than to spread something false.
Your credibility matters. Protect it by sharing thoughtfully.
5. They refuse to use helpful apps because “I don’t trust them with my information”
Privacy concerns are valid. But rejecting every useful tool because of vague fears keeps you stuck in outdated habits that make life harder than it needs to be.
I know someone who won’t use ride-sharing apps because they “don’t trust giving strangers their address.” Yet they have no problem handing their credit card to a waiter or giving their phone number to a telemarketer. The inconsistency reveals that it’s not really about safety. It’s about resistance to change.
Apps like maps, banking, and food delivery exist because they solve real problems. Yes, you should use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication. But avoiding technology altogether doesn’t make you safer. It just makes you more dependent on others.
You don’t have to embrace everything. But dismissing tools that millions use safely every day limits your options and makes you harder to connect with. When everyone else is coordinating plans through group chats and shared calendars, opting out means you’re always one step behind.
6. They take photos and videos with their finger over the lens
This seems small, but it happens constantly. Photos where half the screen is blocked by a thumb. Videos where the angle is so awkward you can’t tell what you’re supposed to be looking at. It shows a lack of awareness about how the device works.
Taking a minute to learn proper phone camera technique isn’t about being a photographer. It’s about capturing moments in a way that people can actually enjoy later.
Most phones have grid lines and focus features that make this easier. Using them takes seconds and dramatically improves the result. The effort shows you care about sharing something meaningful, not just going through the motions.
If you’re going to take the photo, take it well. Otherwise, you’re just creating digital clutter.
7. They treat phone settings like a mystery they’ll never solve
Settings aren’t scary. They’re just options that let you customize your experience. Brightness, volume, notifications, privacy controls. These things exist to make your phone work better for you, not against you.
I’ve watched people squint at their screens in bright sunlight because they don’t know how to adjust brightness. Or get frustrated by constant notification sounds but never think to change them. The phone isn’t the problem. The unwillingness to explore is.
You don’t need to understand every technical detail. But spending twenty minutes going through settings once will save you hours of frustration later. Most phones even have a search function in settings now. Type what you’re looking for, and it takes you right there.
Author and researcher Brené Brown has said, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” In a way, learning new technology requires that same vulnerability. Admitting you don’t know something and being willing to figure it out anyway.
When you avoid settings, you’re letting the phone control you instead of the other way around. That’s backwards.
Final thoughts
None of these habits make someone a bad person. But they do create distance. They make communication harder and signal that adapting isn’t worth the effort.
Technology changes fast, and keeping up can feel exhausting. I get that. But staying connected to the people you care about is worth the small discomfort of learning something new.
You don’t have to be an expert. You just have to be willing to try. That willingness bridges generations and keeps relationships strong, even when miles or busy schedules separate you.
The phone is just a tool. How you use it reflects how much you value connection. And that’s something worth paying attention to.
