Last week, my husband and I finally had our weekly date night at this cozy Italian place in Pinheiros. We left Emilia with our nanny and were looking forward to a quiet dinner together. The food was great, the wine was flowing, but the couple next to us made the evening memorable for all the wrong reasons.
They snapped their fingers at the waiter. They spoke loudly over the phone while their pasta got cold. They complained about everything from the lighting to the temperature of the bread. Matias and I exchanged looks. We’ve both worked in hospitality during our university years, and watching this unfold felt like witnessing a masterclass in how not to behave in public.
Here’s the thing about restaurants. They’re not just about the food. They’re social spaces where your behavior tells everyone around you who you really are. These ten behaviors? They give you away every single time.
1. Snapping fingers or whistling to get the server’s attention
I don’t care how busy the restaurant is or how long you’ve been waiting. The moment you snap your fingers at another human being, you’ve shown exactly how you view service workers.
Servers are professionals doing their job, not your personal assistants waiting for commands. A simple hand raise or making eye contact works perfectly. If you need something urgently, a polite “Excuse me” has never failed anyone.
This behavior screams that you see people in tiers, with you sitting comfortably at the top. And trust me, everyone notices. The server, the people at nearby tables, your date. They all see it.
2. Treating the table like your personal office space
We’ve all seen it. Someone takes a work call at dinner and suddenly the entire restaurant becomes their conference room. They’re talking about quarterly reports while you’re trying to enjoy your meal.
I get it. Life is busy. I work full time while raising Emilia, and some days feel impossible to manage. But when you’re at a restaurant, especially with company, your phone should be on silent and face down. That call can wait. That email can wait. The person sitting across from you cannot.
If you absolutely must take a call, step outside. Your tablemates didn’t sign up to hear about your client’s budget concerns or your colleague’s performance review.
3. Speaking rudely to staff when something goes wrong
Mistakes happen. Your order gets mixed up. Your steak is overcooked. Your drink takes longer than expected. These things are frustrating, sure, but they don’t give you permission to tear into someone who’s just trying to do their job.
How you handle small inconveniences reveals your character more clearly than how you handle success. The person who stays calm and respectful when their food is wrong? That’s someone who understands that we’re all human. The person who raises their voice and makes a scene? That’s someone who never learned that kindness costs nothing.
4. Ignoring your dining companions to scroll on your phone
You made plans to have dinner together. You chose this restaurant. You sat down at this table. And now you’re scrolling through Instagram while your friend tries to tell you about their week.
When Matias and I go out, we have a rule. Phones stay in our bags unless we’re showing each other something specific. Those couple of hours together are precious, especially with how packed our schedule is during the week. Why waste them staring at a screen?
Being physically present but mentally absent is one of the clearest signs that you haven’t quite figured out how to connect with people. Your date or your friend deserves better than half your attention.
5. Complaining loudly about prices after ordering
You looked at the menu. You saw the prices. You ordered anyway. And now you’re making comments about how expensive everything is, loud enough for surrounding tables to hear.
This puts everyone in an awkward position. Your companions feel uncomfortable. The staff feels disrespected. And you look like someone who either didn’t plan properly or enjoys making a spectacle.
If you’re concerned about cost, check the menu beforehand or suggest a different restaurant. Once you’re seated and ordering, commit to your choice without commentary. That’s what adults do.
6. Making a mess and leaving it for others to clean
I’m not saying you need to bus your own table. That’s literally what the staff is there for. But there’s a difference between normal dining and treating the table like a disaster zone.
Napkins shredded everywhere. Food dropped on the floor and ignored. Spills left to spread across the table. This isn’t about accidents. This is about a complete lack of consideration for the person who has to clean up after you.
My parents taught me to leave things a little better than I found them. Stack your plates if you can. Keep your mess contained. Show some basic respect for the people whose job it is to turn that table for the next guests.
7. Arriving late without warning and expecting the table to wait
Time is the one thing we can’t get back. When you show up 30 minutes late without a heads up, you’re telling everyone at that table that your time matters more than theirs.
In São Paulo traffic, delays happen. I get it. But that’s what phones are for. A quick message saying you’re running behind takes ten seconds and saves everyone else from sitting there wondering if you’re even coming.
Chronic lateness isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern that shows you struggle with planning, commitment, or both. And in social settings, it makes you look careless about other people’s schedules.
8. Talking with your mouth full or chewing loudly
This one feels obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people forget basic table manners once they’re comfortable.
Chewing with your mouth open. Talking while you’re mid-bite. Making loud eating noises. These habits make everyone around you uncomfortable, even if they’re too polite to say anything.
Good manners aren’t about being fancy. They’re about making the people around you feel comfortable. When you eat like you’re alone in your kitchen, you’re creating an environment where others feel awkward and trapped.
9. Refusing to accommodate anyone else’s dietary needs or preferences
Someone mentions they’re vegetarian, and you roll your eyes. Another person says they have a food allergy, and you suggest they “just pick it out.” Someone wants to split an appetizer, and you make it a whole thing.
Dining together requires a little flexibility. Not everyone eats the same way you do, and that’s perfectly fine. Being rigid about these things makes you look narrow-minded and difficult.
When my girlfriends and I go out, half of them are vegan or vegetarian. We choose restaurants where everyone can find something they’ll enjoy. It’s not complicated. It’s just considerate.
10. Skipping out on splitting the bill fairly
Few things kill the mood faster than someone who suddenly develops amnesia when it’s time to pay. They ordered the expensive wine and the steak, but when the bill comes, they want to split it evenly. Or they conveniently forget to factor in tax and tip.
People who consistently take more than they give in social exchanges damage their relationships over time. Money matters at dinner tables reveal these patterns clearly.
If you ordered more, pay more. If someone covered appetizers, pick up dessert. Keep track of what you owe and settle up without making it awkward. This isn’t about being cheap. It’s about being fair.
Final thoughts
Restaurants are mirrors. They reflect how you treat people when there’s no real consequence for bad behavior. The server can’t tell you off. Your date might not want to make a scene. So your true colors show.
The good news? These behaviors are all fixable. You can learn to be more aware. You can choose to treat service workers with respect. You can put your phone down and actually engage with the people you’re with.
For me, it comes down to something simple. How you do anything is how you do everything. The way you act at a restaurant is probably how you act everywhere else. Make it count.
