I’ve met plenty of people over the years—friends, colleagues, even neighbors—who seemed to carry a constant heaviness on their shoulders. And I’ve met others who, despite facing their own fair share of life’s curveballs, managed to walk around with a calm contentment that was hard to miss.
What’s the difference? It’s not that the happy ones have perfect lives. Far from it. It’s that they don’t waste their limited energy on things that drain them without giving much back. They know their reserves are precious.
Here are five areas I’ve noticed genuinely happy people avoid pouring themselves into.
1. Holding on to grudges
Have you ever noticed how exhausting it is to replay an argument in your head over and over again?
I certainly have. Back when I was still working in an office, there was a colleague who undermined me in a meeting. For days, I kept revisiting the scene in my mind, thinking about what I should have said. Truth is, it only wore me down while he carried on like nothing happened.
Happy people don’t let resentment take up that much space. They may not forget, but they make peace with it—either by addressing it directly or simply choosing to move forward.
As the old saying goes, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” That energy is better spent elsewhere—on family, hobbies, or even a quiet walk in the park.
2. Chasing approval from everyone
When I was younger, I cared far too much about what others thought of me. Was I good enough at my job? Was I making the “right” choices?
But the older I’ve gotten, the clearer it’s become: no matter what you do, someone will disapprove.
Genuinely happy people accept that truth. They know their values, they live by them, and they don’t twist themselves into knots trying to earn applause from every corner.
Approval is fleeting, self-respect lasts. Ask yourself—are you living in a way that you respect? If the answer is yes, then let the rest go.
3. Dwelling on what can’t be controlled
It’s human nature to want control. I still catch myself fretting about the weather when I’ve planned a family outing or worrying about the news headlines. But the truth is, so much of life is outside our control.
Happy people conserve their energy by focusing only on what they can influence—their attitude, their choices, the way they treat others. Everything else? They let it be.
It reminds me of a simple rule I try to live by: if you can’t fix it, don’t feed it. Energy spent on fretting over things beyond your reach is energy you could have invested in your health, relationships, or creativity.
4. Comparing themselves constantly to others
Social media makes it so easy to peek into other people’s lives and feel like you’re falling short.
I’ve seen this trap catch so many people—young and old. A neighbor gets a new car, a friend takes a fancy vacation, and suddenly you feel like your own life is lacking.
But here’s the thing: happiness isn’t a competition. Genuinely happy people measure themselves against their own progress, not someone else’s highlight reel.
I remember walking with my granddaughter through the park one afternoon. She was upset because a classmate had a newer bike than hers. I told her, “Does your bike get you where you want to go? Does it bring you joy to ride it?” She nodded. “Then that’s enough.” Sometimes, it really is that simple.
5. Engaging in endless negativity
We all know someone who thrives on doom and gloom. Everything is a complaint, every solution is dismissed, and no silver lining is ever good enough. Spending too much time in that space can sap your spirit.
Happy people draw boundaries with negativity. That doesn’t mean they’re naïve or pretending life is perfect. It means they refuse to marinate in a constant stew of complaints.
When I notice myself slipping into that mode (it happens to all of us), I take a break. A walk, a book, even just sitting quietly with a cup of tea can reset the mood. The point is, negativity may knock on the door, but you don’t have to invite it in to stay.
Closing thoughts
At the end of the day, energy is limited. We only get so much of it, and the way we spend it shapes the quality of our lives.
So the question is—where are you investing yours?
