You know what I’ve noticed after all these years of being a dad and now watching my own kids raise theirs?
The best parents aren’t necessarily the ones with perfect houses or kids who never misbehave. They’re the ones who understand that raising strong, capable humans isn’t about control. It’s about teaching the right lessons at the right time.
The truth is, there are certain fundamental lessons that set kids up for success way beyond childhood. And if you’ve been teaching these five things, you’re already ahead of the game.
1. How to embrace failure as a teacher, not an enemy
Here’s something that took me way too long to figure out: kids who are afraid to fail become adults who are afraid to try.
When my grandson recently bombed his science fair project (the volcano barely fizzled, let alone erupted), I watched his dad handle it brilliantly. Instead of the disappointment I might have shown decades ago, he asked, “What do you think went wrong?” They spent the next hour troubleshooting together, and you know what? That kid learned more from that failed volcano than he would have from a perfect one.
Think about it. When we rush in to prevent every mistake or smooth over every failure, what message are we sending? That failure is something shameful, something to avoid at all costs.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the kids who understand that failure is just data, just information about what to try differently next time, those are the ones who grow up unafraid to take calculated risks.
Smart parents normalize failure. They share their own mistakes openly. They celebrate the effort and the learning, not just the outcome.
When your kid strikes out at baseball or fails a test, the question shouldn’t be “Why weren’t you better?” It should be “What did you learn?” and “What’s your plan for next time?”
2. The difference between wants and needs (and why it matters)
This one’s harder today than it was when I was raising my kids. The pressure to give our children everything is intense. But teaching them to distinguish between what they want and what they actually need? That’s pure gold.
I remember when my daughter was about ten, desperately wanting the expensive sneakers all her friends had. We could afford them, but I asked her to write down why she needed them versus why she wanted them. That simple exercise opened up a conversation about peer pressure, self-worth, and financial literacy that still serves her well today.
Kids who understand this distinction grow up to be adults who can delay gratification, make smart financial decisions, and find contentment regardless of what they own. They’re less likely to fall into the comparison trap that social media makes so easy these days.
Start simple. At the grocery store, explain why you’re buying certain things and skipping others. Let them see you make choices based on value and necessity, not just desire. Give them a small budget for something and let them decide how to spend it. Watch them learn that blowing it all on candy means no money left for that toy they wanted.
3. How to really listen (not just wait for their turn to talk)
This might surprise you, but one of the most valuable things you can teach a child is how to truly listen. Not just be quiet while someone else talks, but actually hear and process what’s being said.
My wife pointed something out to me years ago that changed my perspective entirely. She said I was modeling terrible listening habits by always multitasking when the kids talked to me. Checking my phone, watching TV, shuffling papers.
What was I teaching them? That their words weren’t worth my full attention.
Kids who learn to listen, really listen, develop stronger relationships, perform better academically, and navigate conflicts more successfully. They become the adults everyone wants to work with, be friends with, marry.
How do you teach this? Model it first. When your child talks to you, stop what you’re doing. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions that show you were paying attention. “You said Emma was upset at recess. How did that make you feel?”
Play listening games. One person tells a story, the other has to repeat back the key points. Read stories together and ask them to predict what might happen based on what they’ve heard so far. Praise them when you catch them being good listeners with their siblings or friends.
4. The power of kindness in a competitive world
If you’ve been following my posts here at Artful Parent for a while, you know I believe kindness is strength, not weakness. But teaching this to kids when the world often rewards aggression and self-promotion? That takes intentionality.
Last month, I watched my granddaughter give half her Halloween candy to a kid who dropped his bag in a puddle. Nobody told her to do it. She just saw someone having a rough day and decided to help. Where did that come from? Parents who consistently modeled and valued kindness over winning.
Celebrate acts of kindness the way you’d celebrate a good grade. “I saw you include that new kid at recess today. That took courage and compassion.” Make kindness a family value, not just something you mention in passing.
Create opportunities for kindness. Volunteer together. Write thank you notes. Do random acts of kindness and talk about how it felt. When they’re mean (because all kids are sometimes), don’t just punish. Help them understand the impact and brainstorm how to repair the relationship.
5. How to think, not what to think
Perhaps the most valuable gift you can give your child is the ability to think critically. In an age of information overload, fake news, and echo chambers, kids who can evaluate information, question sources, and form their own opinions are at a massive advantage.
This doesn’t mean raising little skeptics who question everything. It means teaching them how to assess information thoughtfully.
When my grandson asks me something, I often respond with, “That’s a great question. How could we find out?” We look things up together. We discuss different sources. We talk about why some information might be more reliable than others.
Encourage questions, even the inconvenient ones. “Why do we have to go to bed at this time?” Great, let’s talk about what sleep does for your brain and body. “Why can’t I have dessert before dinner?” Perfect opportunity to discuss nutrition and how our bodies use different foods.
When they come home parroting something they heard at school or from friends, resist the urge to immediately correct them. Instead, try, “That’s interesting. What makes you think that?” Guide them through examining their beliefs rather than just replacing them with yours.
Read together and discuss what you’ve read. Watch documentaries and talk about different perspectives. When you make family decisions, involve them in the process. Let them see how you weigh options and consider consequences.
The goal isn’t to create kids who agree with everything you believe. It’s to raise humans who can think through complex issues, adapt to new information, and make thoughtful decisions based on evidence and values.
Final thoughts
These five lessons aren’t easy to teach. They require patience, consistency, and a willingness to let your kids struggle sometimes. But if you’ve been working on even some of these, you’re giving your children tools that will serve them far better than perfect grades or athletic trophies ever could.
The beautiful thing is, it’s never too late to start. Kids are incredibly resilient and adaptable. Every day is a new opportunity to model these values, to have these conversations, to help them build these skills.
So let me ask you this: which of these five things do you think would make the biggest difference in your child’s life if you started focusing on it tomorrow?
