Nobody wants to think their grandchildren dread coming over, but sometimes the signs are there if you’re willing to look.
Kids are generally polite, especially when their parents have drilled good manners into them, so they’ll rarely come right out and tell you they’d rather be anywhere else. But their behavior often tells a different story.
Here are seven signs that your grandkids might not be as excited about visits as you’d hope, and more importantly, what you might be able to do about it.
1. They’re glued to their devices the entire visit
Sure, kids are always on their phones these days. That’s just reality.
But there’s a difference between occasionally checking a text and spending the entire visit with their face buried in a screen, barely looking up when you talk to them.
When a kid is genuinely engaged and happy to be somewhere, they naturally put the phone down more often.
If your grandkids arrive and immediately retreat into their devices, staying there for hours, that’s worth paying attention.
They might be bored because there’s nothing for them to do at your place, or they might feel uncomfortable and are using their phone as a shield.
I remember visiting my own grandmother as a teenager, and while I loved her, her house felt like a museum where I couldn’t touch anything or make noise. I would’ve absolutely buried myself in a phone if I’d had one back then.
Consider what you’re offering during visits. Are there activities they might actually enjoy? Can they move around freely, or do they feel like they have to sit still and be quiet the whole time?
2. They never ask to come over or extend their stay
Kids who enjoy spending time with their grandparents will ask about it. They’ll mention wanting to visit. They’ll request sleepovers.
When it’s time to leave, they might even drag their feet a little or ask if they can stay longer.
If your grandchildren never bring up visiting on their own, if they never seem disappointed when a visit ends, or if they’re always ready to leave right on schedule, that tells you something.
They’re fulfilling an obligation, not seeking out your company.
Think about what makes your house or your company appealing from their perspective, not yours. What would make them actually want to be there?
Sometimes we get so focused on what we think should matter that we miss what actually does matter to them.
3. Their parents have to bribe or force them to visit
Have you ever overheard your son or daughter negotiating with your grandkids about coming to see you?
“If you visit Grandma this weekend, you can have extra screen time later.” Or, “We’re going to Grandpa’s house and I don’t want to hear any complaints about it.”
When parents have to resort to bribes or ultimatums to get their kids to visit you, it means the visit itself isn’t rewarding enough on its own.
Your adult children might be trying to spare your feelings by not telling you directly, but the fact that they’re having these conversations at all should tell you plenty.
I’ve had to have honest conversations with my own kids about this. One of them finally admitted that their children found my house boring and that I talked too much about topics they didn’t care about.
That stung, but it was information I needed.
4. Conversations feel like pulling teeth
You ask questions. They give one-word answers.
You try to start a conversation about school, their friends, their interests. They respond with the bare minimum and don’t elaborate.
The exchange feels forced and awkward, and you’re doing all the heavy lifting.
Kids can be shy or quiet sometimes, sure. But when they’re comfortable and engaged, they open up. They tell stories. They share things happening in their lives.
If talking to your grandchildren consistently feels like an interview where you’re getting nowhere, they’re probably not comfortable.
Maybe they feel judged. Maybe past conversations have felt like interrogations or lectures, so they’ve learned to give minimal responses.
The way we ask questions matters enormously. “How’s school?” gets you nowhere. “What’s the most annoying thing that happened this week?” might actually get you somewhere.
And crucially, you have to actually listen to the answers without immediately pivoting to advice or criticism.
5. They seem relieved when their parents come to pick them up
Watch their reaction when it’s time to leave. Do they light up? Do they practically run to the door? Do they seem eager to get their shoes on and get going?
Kids who’ve enjoyed themselves aren’t usually in a huge rush to leave.
That visible relief is your grandchild’s honest reaction breaking through the polite facade they’ve been maintaining. For whatever reason, the visit has been stressful or uncomfortable for them, and they’re glad it’s over.
My friend noticed this pattern with her grandkids and finally asked her daughter about it directly. Turned out the kids felt anxious at her house because she had so many rules about where they could go and what they could touch.
Once she relaxed a bit and gave them more freedom to just be kids, the dynamic changed completely.
6. They make excuses to avoid one-on-one time
Do your grandchildren always want their siblings or parents to stay with them when they visit? Do they decline invitations to do things alone with you? When you suggest an outing or activity together, do they suddenly have homework or other plans?
Kids who feel connected to their grandparents usually enjoy some one-on-one attention.
But if your grandkids consistently avoid being alone with you, that’s telling. They might find the interactions uncomfortable or boring when there’s no one else there to fill the silence.
This was something I noticed with one of my grandchildren. She was fine at family gatherings where lots of people were around, but she always found reasons to avoid spending time with just me.
I was asking her to do things I wanted to do, not things she wanted to do. We eventually found common ground when I stopped trying to force my interests on her and started asking what she actually wanted to do.
7. Their body language is closed off the whole time
Body language doesn’t lie, especially with kids who haven’t learned to control it as well as adults.
Watch how your grandchildren carry themselves during visits. Are their arms crossed? Do they maintain physical distance from you? Do they avoid eye contact?
When people are comfortable and happy, their body language opens up. They lean in during conversations. They make eye contact.
If your grandchildren consistently display closed-off body language, they’re likely not comfortable, even if their words are polite.
Pay attention to these nonverbal cues. They’re often more honest than anything your grandchildren will say out loud. If they’re physically retreating from you, sitting as far away as possible, or showing other signs of discomfort, the relationship needs work.
What you can do about it
If you’re recognizing your grandchildren in several of these signs, don’t panic. Relationships can improve, but it requires honest self-reflection and willingness to change your approach.
The first step is accepting that the problem might not be them being difficult or ungrateful.
Ask yourself some hard questions. Do you lecture more than you listen? Do you criticize their interests or choices? Is your home set up in a way that’s comfortable for children? Do you try to control every aspect of their visits?
Consider having an honest conversation with your adult children about what might make visits more enjoyable. After all, they know their kids better than anyone and probably have insights they’ve been hesitant to share.
Most importantly, focus on what your grandchildren actually enjoy, not what you think they should enjoy. Meet them in their world sometimes instead of always expecting them to adapt to yours. Show genuine interest in their lives without judgment.
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren can be one of life’s greatest joys, but it only works when both sides feel good about it.
