Last week, I caught myself staring at the kitchen counter for what felt like five minutes, holding a dish towel in one hand and forgetting what I was about to do. Emilia was napping, the apartment was quiet, and I should have been working. Instead, I was just standing there, completely blank.
That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t unmotivated. I was tired in a way that sleep couldn’t fix.
Soul exhaustion is different from regular tiredness. You can rest your body, but your spirit still feels like it’s dragging itself through the day. The tricky part is that people who are soul-tired often keep going. They show up. They function. They push through because that’s what they’ve always done.
But if you know what to look for, the signs are there.
1. They go through the motions but their spark is missing
You know that person who used to light up when talking about their projects or hobbies? Now they still do those things, but it feels mechanical. They cook dinner, show up to work meetings, play with their kids, but there’s a flatness to it all.
I see this in myself sometimes. I’ll make breakfast for our family, walk Matias to work, come home and work on my articles. On paper, everything looks fine. But inside, I’m running on autopilot. The joy I usually feel when Emilia laughs or when I finish a good piece of writing feels muted, like I’m watching my own life from behind glass.
This happens when you’ve been pushing for too long without real rest. Your body keeps moving, but your soul checks out a little to protect itself.
2. Small inconveniences feel overwhelming
A spilled cup of coffee. A last-minute schedule change. Your partner forgetting to pick up groceries on the way home. These are normal, everyday hiccups. But when your soul is tired, they feel massive.
I once cried because I couldn’t find matching socks for Emilia. It wasn’t about the socks. It was about everything else I’d been holding together for weeks without a break. That tiny frustration became the tipping point.
When someone reacts strongly to minor issues, it’s often not about the issue itself. It’s about the fact that they’re already carrying too much, and there’s no room left for one more thing. Their emotional reserves are empty.
3. They withdraw but still show up when it matters
Soul-tired people don’t always disappear completely. They’re selective about where they put their energy. They might skip the casual hangouts, ignore group chats, or give short answers when you ask how they’re doing. But when something truly important happens, they’re there.
A close friend might cancel plans three times in a row, then show up at your door the moment you really need them. That’s not flakiness. That’s someone rationing their emotional energy because they know they’re running low.
I do this too. Some weeks I’ll be quieter in conversations, less present in social settings. But if one of my girlfriends needs to talk, or if my family needs me, I’m fully there. It’s not that I don’t care about the smaller moments. I just don’t have enough left to show up for everything.
4. They stop talking about the future
When your soul is exhausted, it’s hard to think beyond today. Planning feels pointless because you’re barely making it through the present.
I remember a phase where Matias would talk about wanting to travel somewhere next year, and I’d just nod without really engaging. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because imagining the future required energy I didn’t have. The idea of thinking about flights, packing, coordinating schedules felt like too much.
People in this state live day by day. They stop making long-term plans. They avoid conversations about dreams or goals because those things feel impossibly far away. Getting through this week is hard enough.
5. Their patience is thinner than usual
You probably know someone who’s usually calm and understanding but lately snaps over nothing. They get irritated faster, have less tolerance for noise or small talk, and seem on edge even when things are going fine.
This isn’t about having a bad day. It’s about running on fumes for so long that there’s no cushion left between stimulus and reaction. When your soul is tired, you don’t have the bandwidth to regulate your emotions the way you normally would.
I’ve noticed this in myself when I’m stretched too thin. Emilia will cry during dinner, which is completely normal for a one-year-old, and instead of handling it calmly like I usually do, I feel this wave of frustration. It’s not her fault. It’s mine for not giving myself the rest I needed before reaching that point.
6. They crave solitude more than connection
Most people need both connection and alone time, but when your soul is tired, the balance shifts. You start craving solitude in a way that feels almost desperate. Not because you don’t love the people around you, but because being around others requires performance, and you have nothing left to perform with.
Psychologist Sherrie Bourg Carter has noted that one of the key signs of burnout is withdrawing from responsibilities and isolating yourself from others. It’s a protective mechanism when you’re emotionally depleted.
I get this. Some evenings after Lara leaves and we finish the bedtime routine, I just want to sit in silence. I love my husband, but sometimes I need him to be in another room for a bit. Not because I’m upset, but because being “on” all day drains me, and I need space to just exist without engaging.
7. They find it hard to feel excited about things they used to love
You invite them to their favorite restaurant, and they say sure but don’t seem enthusiastic. You mention a movie they’d normally be all over, and they just shrug. It’s not depression, exactly. It’s more like everything is covered in a thin layer of gray.
When your soul is tired, pleasure feels muted. You can still recognize that something should make you happy, but you can’t quite feel it. It’s like trying to taste food when you have a cold. The flavor is technically there, but it doesn’t register the same way.
I went through this recently. My girlfriends invited me to try a new vegan place we’d been talking about for weeks. I wanted to want to go. But when the day came, I felt nothing. I went anyway because I knew I’d enjoy it once I was there, and I did. But that initial spark, that eagerness I used to feel, was missing.
8. They keep going even when everything in them wants to stop
This is the one that defines soul exhaustion. People who are truly burned out often just quit. But people whose souls are tired while still fighting? They keep showing up. They meet deadlines. They take care of their families. They fulfill their obligations. They just do it while feeling like they’re dragging a weight behind them.
Research from the American Psychological Association shows that chronic stress can lead to emotional exhaustion, yet many people continue to function at high levels despite it because they’ve learned to compartmentalize their distress.
I see this in so many people around me, and I see it in myself. We’re not falling apart. We’re holding it together with everything we have. That’s what makes it so hard to recognize. From the outside, we look fine. We’re getting things done. But inside, we’re running on the last drops of fuel.
Final thoughts
If you recognize these behaviors in yourself, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re probably doing more than you realize.
The hard part about soul exhaustion is that you can’t always fix it with a weekend off or a good night’s sleep. Sometimes you need bigger changes. Sometimes you need to say no more often, ask for help, or admit that the pace you’ve been keeping isn’t sustainable.
When I was in the thick of feeling soul-tired, I started asking myself what I actually needed beneath all the doing and pushing. I took the Wild Soul Archetype Quiz, and it helped me understand which instinct has been guiding me — whether it’s the Phoenix’s need for transformation and rebirth, the Buffalo’s steady grounding strength, the Dragon’s expansive vision, or the Wolf’s pack loyalty.
Knowing which power animal walks with you can clarify what your soul actually needs to recover, not just what you think you should need. Sometimes understanding your wild nature is the first step to honoring it.
And if you recognize these signs in someone you care about, don’t wait for them to ask for help. They probably won’t. Offer something specific. Bring them dinner. Watch their kid for an hour. Send them a message that doesn’t require a response. Small acts of care matter more than you think when someone is barely holding on.
The soul gets tired when we ignore its need for rest, for meaning, for softness. But it also has this incredible ability to recover when we finally give it what it needs.
You just have to be willing to stop long enough to let it.
