Last week, Emilia had a complete meltdown in the supermarket because I wouldn’t let her grab every single mango off the display. She’s only one, so tantrums are expected. But as she screamed and threw herself backward in the stroller, I noticed a little boy nearby, maybe four or five, calmly telling his mom, “I’m feeling really angry right now because I wanted the blue cereal.”
His mom knelt down, acknowledged his feelings, and they worked it out together in about thirty seconds. No drama, no tears, just communication.
It made me think about how some kids seem to have this natural ability to express what’s going on inside them, while others struggle to put feelings into words. The difference isn’t always age or personality. Often, it comes down to emotional intelligence.
Children with higher emotional intelligence don’t just feel their emotions. They can name them, understand them, and communicate them in ways that help them navigate their world more smoothly.
Here are eight phrases that signal your child is developing this kind of awareness.
1. “I need a minute to calm down”
When a child can recognize they’re too upset to handle a situation and asks for space, that’s huge. Most kids just react. They lash out, they cry, they storm off without understanding why.
But a child who says they need a minute is doing something more advanced. They’re noticing their internal state, understanding it’s not helpful right now, and taking action to regulate it.
This kind of self-awareness usually comes from watching adults model the same behavior. If you’ve ever said, “Mommy needs a moment because I’m feeling overwhelmed,” your child is learning that it’s okay to step back and reset.
It’s also a sign they trust their environment enough to express a need without fear of punishment or dismissal.
2. “That hurt my feelings”
Being able to name an emotional injury is different from just crying or getting angry. When a child says, “That hurt my feelings,” they’re connecting their internal experience to an external event.
They’re also opening the door to resolution. Instead of shutting down or acting out, they’re giving the other person information about what went wrong.
I’ve noticed this phrase shows up more in households where feelings are treated as valid, even when they’re inconvenient. If a child knows their emotions won’t be brushed off with “You’re fine” or “Don’t be so sensitive,” they’re more likely to share them openly.
This phrase also requires vulnerability. Your child is admitting something affected them, which means they feel safe enough to be honest about it.
3. “I’m sorry I yelled at you”
Apologizing is hard, even for adults. It requires recognizing you did something wrong, feeling remorse, and then admitting it out loud.
When a child can do this without being forced, it shows they understand the impact of their actions on others. They’re not just saying sorry to avoid punishment. They genuinely want to repair the relationship.
Empathy is at the core of this phrase. Your child has to imagine how the other person felt and care enough about that to make amends.
Kids who apologize sincerely also tend to have parents who model this behavior. If you apologize to your child when you mess up, they learn that saying sorry isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a way to show respect and accountability.
4. “Can you help me figure this out?”
Asking for help is a skill, not a given. Some kids would rather struggle in silence or give up entirely than admit they need support.
When your child asks for help problem-solving, they’re showing emotional maturity in a few ways. First, they’re aware of their own limits. Second, they trust you enough to be vulnerable. Third, they see challenges as something to work through, not something to avoid.
This phrase also shows they value collaboration over independence for its own sake. They understand that asking for help doesn’t make them weak or incapable. It makes them resourceful.
In São Paulo, I see this a lot with kids whose parents encourage questions instead of shutting them down. When curiosity is welcomed, children feel safe exploring solutions together.
5. “I don’t like it when you do that”
Setting a boundary is one of the most emotionally intelligent things a person can do, regardless of age. When a child tells someone, “I don’t like it when you do that,” they’re standing up for themselves without aggression.
They’re also practicing assertiveness, which will serve them well throughout life. Instead of bottling up frustration or lashing out physically, they’re using words to communicate a limit.
This phrase requires confidence. Your child has to believe their feelings matter and that expressing them is appropriate. That belief usually comes from being raised in an environment where boundaries are respected.
If your child says this to you, resist the urge to dismiss it. Even if their boundary seems silly or inconvenient, acknowledging it teaches them their voice has value.
6. “I feel nervous about this”
Admitting fear or anxiety takes courage. Many kids hide these feelings because they don’t want to seem weak or babyish.
When a child can say, “I feel nervous,” they’re doing two important things. First, they’re naming a complex emotion instead of just saying they don’t want to do something. Second, they’re giving you insight into what they need, whether that’s reassurance, preparation, or just someone to listen.
Nervousness is uncomfortable, and acknowledging it out loud makes you even more vulnerable. A child who does this trusts that their feelings will be taken seriously, not mocked or minimized.
This phrase also shows emotional literacy. Your child isn’t just feeling a vague sense of discomfort. They can pinpoint it as nervousness, which means they’re developing a vocabulary for their internal world.
7. “You seem sad today”
Noticing someone else’s emotional state is a sign of empathy. When your child says, “You seem sad,” they’re paying attention to cues like tone of voice, facial expressions, or body language.
They’re also brave enough to name what they’re observing, which isn’t easy. Many people avoid acknowledging someone else’s sadness because they don’t know how to handle it.
This phrase shows your child is tuned into the people around them. They’re not just focused on their own needs. They’re aware that others have feelings too, and those feelings matter.
When Emilia gets older, I hope she’ll be the kind of person who notices when someone is struggling and feels comfortable asking about it. That starts with us modeling emotional openness at home.
8. “I’m really proud of myself”
Self-recognition is a beautiful thing. When a child can celebrate their own achievements without needing external validation, they’re building a healthy sense of self-worth.
This phrase shows they have an internal compass for what success looks like. They don’t need a gold star or a trophy to know they did something well. They can feel it themselves.
It also shows they’re reflecting on their own growth. They’re noticing the effort they put in and connecting it to the outcome. That kind of awareness will help them stay motivated and resilient when things get tough.
Kids who say this tend to have parents who focus on effort over results. Instead of only praising the A on the test, they praise the hours of studying that led to it. That shift helps children internalize a sense of accomplishment rather than constantly seeking approval from others.
Final thoughts
Emotional intelligence isn’t something kids either have or don’t have. It’s something they develop over time, shaped by the way we respond to their feelings and model our own.
When Emilia threw that tantrum in the supermarket, I didn’t try to shut her down or distract her. I named what she was feeling, validated it, and gave her space to work through it. She’s too young to use these phrases yet, but I’m planting the seeds now.
If your child is already saying some of these things, you’re doing something right. And if they’re not there yet, that’s okay too. Keep talking about emotions, modeling healthy communication, and giving them room to practice. The rest will follow.
