Emilia is still a toddler, so I’m not navigating the teenage years yet. But I watch my friends parent their teens, and I also remember what it was like being one myself. Growing up in Central Asia, I saw how different families approached those tricky years between childhood and adulthood.
What strikes me now, looking back and observing others, is how often parents worry they’re getting it wrong. You second-guess your decisions, lose sleep over arguments, and wonder if you’re too strict or too lenient. But here’s something I’ve noticed: the parents who worry the most are often doing better than they think.
If your teenager shows these behaviors, take it as a sign that you’re on the right track.
1. They come to you with problems, even the uncomfortable ones
When a teen tells you about something difficult, whether it’s friend drama, school stress, or something more serious, that’s huge. It means they trust you won’t explode, judge harshly, or dismiss what matters to them.
This doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built over years of you listening more than lecturing, staying calm when they mess up, and showing them that your love isn’t conditional on perfection.
I remember a friend’s daughter came home and admitted she’d been to a party where there was alcohol. Instead of blowing up, my friend thanked her for being honest and they talked through it. That conversation opened the door for future honesty instead of shutting it.
The fact that your teen still talks to you about real things means you’ve created safety. That’s parenting gold.
2. They push back and argue their point
I know this one feels frustrating in the moment. You set a boundary, and suddenly you’re in a debate about why it’s unfair or outdated or doesn’t make sense.
But think about what’s actually happening. Your teenager feels secure enough to disagree with you. They’re practicing critical thinking, learning to advocate for themselves, and testing their own voice.
You’re not raising someone who just follows orders without thinking. You’re raising someone who questions, analyzes, and stands up for what they believe. Yes, it’s exhausting sometimes. But it’s also a sign they feel heard and respected in your home.
The key is that they’re arguing, not shutting down or sneaking around. That distinction matters.
3. They spend time with the family without being forced
Teenagers naturally start pulling away. They want independence, time with friends, and space to figure out who they are. That’s healthy and normal.
But if your teen still joins family dinners most nights, hangs out in the living room sometimes, or occasionally agrees to a family outing without rolling their eyes too hard, you’re doing something right.
When I visit Chile with Matias and Emilia, I see his cousins who are teenagers. Some of them actually choose to stick around for family gatherings instead of hiding in their rooms the whole time. Their parents created an environment where family time doesn’t feel like a punishment.
This happens when home feels like a place they want to be, not just where they have to sleep. It means the atmosphere you’ve built is one of connection, not constant tension.
4. They show empathy toward others
Notice how your teen reacts when someone is struggling. Do they check on a friend who’s having a hard time? Do they get upset about injustice? Do they show kindness to younger siblings or help out a classmate?
Empathy doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It’s modeled and nurtured over years. When you’ve shown them compassion, listened to their feelings, and demonstrated care for others, they absorb those lessons.
One of my friends told me her 15-year-old son started volunteering at a community kitchen because he wanted to help people who were struggling. She never pushed him into it. He just saw his parents treating others with dignity and decided that mattered to him too.
If your teenager shows genuine concern for others, that’s a reflection of the values you’ve been teaching all along. They’re internalizing what you’ve shown them about being human.
5. They take responsibility when they mess up
Teenagers make mistakes. That’s part of the deal. What matters is what happens next.
If your teen can admit when they’re wrong, apologize sincerely, and try to make things right, that’s exceptional.
This doesn’t mean they never make excuses or try to dodge blame. They’re still learning. But if the overall pattern is one of owning their actions, you’ve taught them something crucial about integrity.
I grew up believing that how you do anything is how you do everything. Taking responsibility for mistakes, even small ones, builds character that lasts a lifetime. If your teen is learning that now, you’re giving them a foundation most adults are still trying to build.
6. They have interests and passions outside of what you chose for them
Maybe you signed them up for piano lessons, but they discovered a love for photography. Maybe you hoped they’d play soccer, but they’re more into debate club or coding or writing poetry.
When teenagers develop their own interests, separate from what their parents envisioned, that’s healthy individuation. It means they feel free to explore who they are, not just who you want them to be.
I see this with friends who let their kids quit activities they’re not passionate about, even after investing time and money. It’s hard to let go of those expectations. But giving teens the space to find their own path shows trust and respect for their autonomy.
If your teenager is pursuing something they genuinely care about, even if it surprises you, that’s a sign you’ve given them permission to be themselves. That matters more than any trophy or achievement.
7. They set boundaries with you
This one might sting a little. Your teenager tells you they need space, asks you not to share certain things with relatives, or requests that you knock before entering their room.
It feels like rejection sometimes. But actually, it’s a sign of healthy development. They’re learning that their needs and preferences matter, that they have a right to privacy, and that they can communicate those things respectfully.
You’ve created an environment where they feel safe saying no, asking for what they need, and establishing limits. That’s not disrespect. That’s confidence and self-awareness.
When Emilia gets older, I hope she feels comfortable telling me when she needs her own space. It won’t always be easy to hear, but I’ll know I’ve done my job if she can advocate for herself that clearly.
Final thoughts
Parenting teenagers is hard. There’s no manual, no guarantee you’re getting it right, and plenty of moments where you question everything.
But if you see these behaviors in your teen, take a breath. You’re doing better than you think. They’re learning to be honest, thoughtful, independent people who can navigate the world with confidence and integrity.
That doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because you’ve been showing up, even on the hard days, and building a relationship based on trust, respect, and love.
Keep going. You’re getting more right than you realize.
