You know that sinking feeling when you’re hiding in the bathroom, tears streaming down your face, wondering if you’re completely ruining your kids? I had one of those moments last Tuesday.
My two-year-old had just decorated the living room wall with organic blueberries (yes, the expensive ones), while my five-year-old informed me that “Sophia’s mom makes way better snacks.” I locked myself in the bathroom and thought: I’m failing at this whole parenting thing.
But here’s what I’ve learned through countless moments of doubt, exhaustion, and yes, bathroom crying sessions. Most of us are doing so much better than we think. The very fact that you worry about being a good parent? That’s actually a sign you already are one.
1. Good parents doubt themselves constantly
Remember when you thought you’d have it all figured out by now? The parents who never question themselves are often the ones who should.
Your doubts mean you care deeply about getting it right. They mean you’re aware of your impact on these little humans you’re raising.
I spent seven years teaching kindergarten before having my daughter, and I thought I’d be the perfect mom. Instead, I find myself googling “is it normal for kids to eat dirt?” at 2 AM. The doubt is real, but it keeps us growing and learning.
2. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect
They need you to be real. When I mess up (which happens daily), I apologize to my kids. “Mommy shouldn’t have yelled about the blueberry art. I was frustrated, but that wasn’t kind.” You know what? They forgive instantly and learn that everyone makes mistakes.
Kids who grow up with “perfect” parents often struggle with their own imperfections later. Your flaws teach them grace, both for themselves and others.
3. Every parent has lost it at bedtime
If you’ve never stood outside your child’s door, taking deep breaths and wondering if bedtime will ever not be a battle, are you even a parent? Last night, after the fifteenth request for water, I may have said through gritted teeth, “If you ask for one more thing, Mommy’s head might explode.”
Was it my finest moment? No. Was it human? Absolutely.
4. Choosing yourself sometimes makes you a better parent
That yoga class you feel guilty about taking? The coffee date with a friend while your partner watches the kids? These aren’t selfish acts. When you refill your own cup, you have more to pour into your family.
I used to feel guilty every time I stepped away. Now I know that twenty minutes of solo grocery shopping can reset my entire mood. My kids deserve a mom who’s had a moment to breathe.
5. Screen time doesn’t make you a bad parent
Yes, we aim for low-screen living in our house. We choose outdoor adventures and farmers’ markets over tablets. But you know what? Sometimes I need to cook dinner without tiny hands “helping,” and a show about talking vegetables saves the day.
The guilt we carry about screen time is often worse than the screen time itself. Balance matters more than perfection.
6. Your kids won’t remember the small stuff you’re stressing about
Will your daughter remember that you forgot to pack her favorite snack for the field trip? Probably not. Will she remember how you hugged her when she was scared, or how you always had time to look at her leaf collection? Absolutely.
We zoom in on our failures while our kids see the bigger picture of love and presence.
7. Comparing yourself to other parents is a trap
Social media shows everyone’s highlight reel. That mom with the perfectly organized playroom? Her kids probably had cereal for dinner last night. The dad with the elaborate backyard obstacle course? He might be compensating for working late all week.
We’re all struggling with something. Some of us are just better at hiding it behind pretty pictures.
8. Fed is best, however that happens
Whether you breastfed for two years or switched to formula at two weeks, whether you make organic purees or rely on pouches, whether dinner is a four-course meal or scrambled eggs again – fed kids with full bellies are what matter.
I’ve done it all, and guess what? Both my kids are thriving. The mom guilt we carry about food choices is exhausting and usually unnecessary.
9. Yelling doesn’t mean you’re a terrible parent
Does yelling feel good? No. Should we work on responding calmly? Yes.
But are you human for occasionally losing your cool when someone dumps an entire box of cereal on the floor right after you’ve cleaned? Also yes.
What matters is what happens after. The repair, the conversation, the hug. “Progress not perfection” has become my mantra during hard moments.
10. Your instincts are usually right
That feeling in your gut when something seems off with your child? Trust it. Your intuition about what your family needs? Follow it. You know your kids better than any expert, book, or well-meaning relative.
Yes, we can learn from others and seek advice, but at the end of the day, you’re the expert on your own children.
11. Love really does cover a multitude of mistakes
Your kids don’t need you to be superhuman. They need you to love them fiercely, show up consistently (even when you’re tired), and create a safe space for them to grow. If you’re doing that, you’re doing enough.
My recovering perfectionist brain struggles with “good enough,” but that’s exactly what our kids need – parents who are good enough, present enough, trying enough.
The truth about feeling like a bad parent
Here’s what I want you to know: the bad parents? They don’t worry about being bad parents. They don’t lie awake replaying their mistakes or wondering how to do better tomorrow. They don’t read articles like this one.
The very fact that you care so deeply, that you question yourself, that you want to grow – these are signs of a good parent. Not perfect, but good. And good is more than enough.
Tonight, when you’re lying in bed cataloging all the ways you fell short today, remember this: your kids went to bed knowing they’re loved. That’s the win. Everything else is just details.
So here’s to all of us imperfect parents, doing our imperfect best, raising kids who will remember the love more than the mistakes. You’re doing better than you think. I promise.
