Potty training has a way of looming over parents like some kind of final exam we didn’t study for. There’s pressure from well-meaning relatives, comparison to other kids at the playground, and a whole industry of products promising three-day miracles.
But here’s what I’ve learned through two very different potty journeys: the calmer you can stay, the smoother it goes.
The truth is, every child finds their way to the toilet eventually. Our job isn’t to force a timeline but to create the conditions where they feel safe, capable, and genuinely ready.
These nine tricks aren’t about rushing the process or following a rigid method. They’re about working with your child’s natural development and making the whole experience feel less like a chore and more like a simple part of growing up.
1) Wait for genuine readiness signs instead of picking an arbitrary age
I know the temptation to start potty training the moment your child turns two. Maybe daycare is asking about it, or your neighbor’s kid trained at 18 months and you’re feeling behind.
But pushing before your child is truly ready often backfires, turning what could be a straightforward transition into months of resistance and frustration.
As noted by the American Academy of Pediatrics, most children show readiness between 18 and 24 months, but many aren’t truly ready until closer to 3 or even 4.
Readiness looks like staying dry for longer stretches, showing interest in the bathroom, being able to follow simple instructions, and expressing discomfort with wet or dirty diapers.
When Ellie was two, she had zero interest. I tried introducing the potty anyway, and it became a power struggle neither of us enjoyed.
The moment I backed off and waited a few more months, she practically trained herself. Your child will show you when they’re ready if you’re paying attention.
2) Let them pick out their own potty or seat
There’s something powerful about giving children ownership over this process.
When they feel like active participants rather than passive subjects of our agenda, cooperation comes more naturally. One simple way to do this is letting them choose their own potty chair or toilet seat insert.
Take a trip to the store together or browse options online and let them weigh in. Maybe they want the one with the frog on it, or the plain wooden seat that looks like yours. It doesn’t matter what they pick. What matters is that it becomes theirs, something they feel connected to and even a little proud of.
This small act of choice-making sets the tone for the whole experience. You’re signaling that this is something they’re doing, not something being done to them. That distinction makes a real difference in how willing they are to try.
3) Make the potty accessible and part of everyday life
If the potty lives in a closet or only comes out at designated “training times,” it stays unfamiliar and slightly intimidating. Instead, keep it somewhere visible and easy to reach, ideally in the bathroom but also wherever your child spends most of their time during the early days.
Let them sit on it fully clothed while you read a book together. Let them put their stuffed animals on it. Let it become just another piece of furniture in their world, nothing scary or high-stakes about it. This kind of gentle exposure removes the pressure and lets curiosity do the work.
Some families keep a small potty in the living room during the initial weeks, then gradually move it to the bathroom once the child is comfortable. There’s no wrong approach here. The goal is simply to make the potty feel normal, accessible, and low-pressure.
4) Use cloth training pants for better body awareness
Modern disposable diapers are incredibly absorbent, which is great for overnight but can actually work against you during potty training.
When kids can’t feel the wetness, they have less motivation to change their habits. Cloth training pants or regular cotton underwear let them experience the natural consequence of peeing, which often speeds up the learning process.
I’m not suggesting you need to commit to full-time cloth if that doesn’t work for your family. Even using cloth trainers during the day while you’re home can make a difference. The sensation of wetness helps children connect the dots between the urge to go and what happens next.
Keep a stack of extras nearby and expect accidents. Lots of them. This is part of the process, not a failure. Your calm response to wet pants teaches your child that mistakes are okay and that they can try again.
5) Follow a loose routine without being rigid about it
Children thrive with gentle structure, and potty training is no exception. Offering the potty at predictable times, like after waking up, before meals, and before bath, helps build the habit without turning every hour into a battle of wills.
The key word here is “offer.” You’re not demanding they sit or shaming them if they say no. You’re simply building bathroom breaks into the rhythm of the day so it becomes second nature. Over time, they’ll start recognizing their own body’s signals and taking themselves.
Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, emphasizes that power struggles around potty training often stem from children feeling controlled. Keeping things relaxed and routine-based rather than demand-based helps avoid that dynamic entirely.
6) Narrate your own bathroom habits casually
Children learn so much through observation, and bathroom habits are no different. Without making a big production of it, let your child see that everyone in the family uses the toilet.
Narrate what you’re doing in simple terms: “Mama’s going to use the potty now. I felt like I needed to pee, so I’m going to sit down and go.”
This might feel awkward at first, especially if you’re used to bathroom privacy. But for young children, seeing the process demystified is incredibly helpful. They understand that this is just what bodies do, and that they’ll do it too when they’re ready.
Older siblings, if you have them, can be especially influential here. Milo watched Ellie use the bathroom with great fascination, and I’m convinced it planted seeds long before he was ready to try himself.
7) Celebrate effort and progress, not just success
It’s natural to want to throw a party when your child finally pees in the potty. And yes, acknowledge that moment with warmth and encouragement.
But be careful not to make success the only thing worth celebrating. The child who sits on the potty and tries, even if nothing happens, deserves just as much recognition.
“You sat there and listened to your body. That’s wonderful.” “You told me you needed to go, even though we didn’t make it in time. I’m so proud of you for noticing.” These kinds of responses build confidence and keep the focus on the process rather than the outcome.
Avoid over-the-top rewards like candy or toys for every success. Research from the Zero to Three organization suggests that intrinsic motivation, the child’s own sense of accomplishment, is more effective long-term than external rewards. A warm hug and genuine praise go a long way.
8) Handle accidents with zero drama
Accidents will happen. Many of them. Sometimes right after you asked if they needed to go and they said no. Sometimes in the middle of the grocery store. Sometimes on your favorite rug. How you respond in these moments matters more than almost anything else in the potty training process.
Stay calm. Keep your voice neutral. Say something like, “Oops, your body let the pee out before you got to the potty. That happens sometimes. Let’s clean up and try again next time.” Then move on. No lectures, no sighs of frustration, no comparisons to yesterday when they did so well.
Children are incredibly perceptive. If they sense your disappointment or stress, they may start holding it in, hiding accidents, or refusing to try altogether. Your calm presence teaches them that this is a safe learning process where mistakes are simply part of the journey.
9) Trust your child’s timeline and let go of comparison
This might be the most important trick of all, and also the hardest. Every child develops at their own pace, and potty training is no different. Some kids are fully trained before three. Others take until four or beyond. Neither timeline reflects your parenting or your child’s intelligence.
When you find yourself comparing your child to a cousin, a classmate, or some idealized version of what “should” be happening, take a breath. Your child is exactly where they need to be. Pushing harder rarely helps and often makes things worse.
Trust that your child wants to grow up. They want to be capable and independent. Your job is to support that natural drive, not to override it with your own anxiety or timeline. When you approach potty training from a place of trust rather than fear, everything shifts.
Closing thoughts
Potty training doesn’t have to be the stressful milestone our culture makes it out to be. When we slow down, follow our child’s lead, and keep the whole thing low-pressure, it often unfolds more smoothly than we expected. There will still be hard days and setbacks, because that’s just how learning works. But those moments pass.
What stays is the relationship you’re building through this process. The patience you show during accidents. The way you celebrate small wins. The trust you demonstrate by letting them move at their own pace. These things matter far more than whether they trained at two or four.
So take a breath, stock up on extra underwear, and remember that this season is temporary. Your child will get there. And when they do, you’ll both feel proud of how you got there together.
