You know that moment when your grandkid looks up at you and says something that stops you in my tracks? Last weekend, my eight-year-old granddaughter grabbed my hand at the park and said, “Grandpa, you’re the only one who really listens to me.”
My heart swelled, but it also got me thinking about what keeps some grandparents deeply connected to their families while others drift apart as the years go by.
I’ve been fortunate. At sixty-something, I have four grandchildren who still want to spend time with their old grandpa. But this didn’t happen by accident.
Over the years, I’ve noticed certain habits that make all the difference between grandparents who remain vital parts of their families’ lives and those who become holiday-only relatives.
If you’re wondering how to stay close to your family as you age, or if you’re watching your own parents struggle with this, these eight habits might just be the key.
1) Protect your time with them fiercely
Here’s something I learned the hard way: If you don’t guard your family time, everything else will crowd it out. Doctor’s appointments, social clubs, that neighbor who always needs a favor—they’ll all chip away at it if you let them.
My weekend mornings at the park with my grandkids? Non-negotiable. Friends have learned not to schedule golf before noon on Saturdays. The dentist knows Tuesday mornings work better. This isn’t being difficult; it’s being intentional.
When I was working full-time and raising my own kids, I let too many “urgent” things steal precious moments. Not making that mistake twice. These park mornings have become the highlight of my week, and honestly, I think they mean just as much to the kids.
2) Master the art of listening without fixing
Want to know a secret? Kids will tell you things they won’t tell their parents if you just stay quiet long enough. I discovered this by accident one afternoon when my grandson started talking about school troubles while we were feeding ducks.
My instinct was to jump in with advice, but something made me hold back.
Twenty minutes later, I knew more about his world than I’d learned in the previous six months. He didn’t need solutions. He needed someone to hear him.
This applies to adult children too. When your daughter calls to vent about work, resist the urge to launch into your “back in my day” stories. Just listen. Ask questions. Show you care about their world, even if you don’t fully understand it.
3) Stay curious about their interests
My eleven-year-old grandson is obsessed with something called Minecraft. Do I understand it? Not really. But you better believe I’ve learned enough to ask intelligent questions about his latest creation.
The moment you write off their interests as “kid stuff” or “newfangled nonsense” is the moment you start becoming irrelevant in their lives. You don’t have to love what they love, but showing genuine curiosity keeps the connection alive.
Last month, my granddaughter taught me a TikTok dance. Did I look ridiculous? Absolutely. Did she laugh until she cried? You bet. Will she remember that moment forever? I hope so.
4) Create rituals that belong just to you
Every family needs its special traditions, but grandparents have a unique opportunity to create rituals that are theirs alone. For us, it’s those weekend park visits. Rain or shine, we’re there.
But it’s more than just showing up. We have our route, our favorite bench, our special game of counting squirrels. My three-year-old grandson knows that after the swings comes the “secret path” where we look for interesting rocks.
These rituals become anchors in their childhood memories. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, consistency matters more than grand gestures. Be the predictable joy in their lives.
5) Share stories, not lectures
Kids love stories, but they can smell a lecture disguised as a story from a mile away. When I tell my grandkids about my childhood, I focus on the funny parts, the failures, the times I was scared or confused.
They don’t need to hear how much harder we had it. They need to know that Grandpa was once a kid who made mistakes, had dreams, and figured things out as he went along. These stories build bridges across generations.
Recently, I told them about the time I got lost at a fair when I was seven. Their eyes went wide. “You got lost? What did you do?” Suddenly, I wasn’t just Grandpa. I was someone who understood being small and scared sometimes.
6) Support the parents, always
Want to alienate your adult children fast? Undermine their parenting. I’ve watched too many grandparents do this, thinking they’re helping.
When my grandson complains about his bedtime, I don’t say, “Well, at your house you have to follow your parents’ rules, but here…” No. I back up Mom and Dad, period. If I disagree with something, I discuss it privately with my sons, never in front of the kids.
Your role isn’t to be the fun police-free zone. It’s to be part of a team raising these kids. The strongest families have grandparents who reinforce, not undermine, the parents’ authority.
7) Take care of yourself
This might sound selfish, but hear me out. The grandparents who stay most connected are the ones who stay healthy and active. Not because they’re trying to be young, but because they can actually participate in their grandkids’ lives.
I walk every day, partly for my health, but mostly so I can keep up with four energetic grandkids at the park. I watch what I eat because I want to be around for graduations, weddings, and great-grandchildren.
Taking care of yourself isn’t vanity. It’s a gift to your family. They want you around, vibrant and engaged, not sidelined by preventable health issues.
8) Embrace your role as the calm in their storm
In a world that’s increasingly hectic for kids, grandparents can be the steady, calm presence they desperately need. No homework to check, no practices to rush to, no battles over screen time. Just presence.
When my grandkids come over, they know they’re entering a different pace. We can spend an hour looking at photo albums or making cookies from scratch. There’s nowhere else I need to be, nothing more important than this moment with them.
This is perhaps the greatest gift of grandparenting: The chance to be fully present in ways I couldn’t always manage when work and mortgages and raising kids demanded so much attention.
Closing thoughts
The art of aging well isn’t about trying to stay young or being the “cool” grandparent. It’s about being intentionally present, genuinely interested, and consistently available.
These eight habits aren’t complicated, but they do require choice. Every day, we choose whether to be participants or spectators in our families’ lives.
So here’s my question for you: What one habit could you start today to deepen your connection with your family?
