Last week at the farmers market, my five-year-old wanted to buy every single thing she saw. Honey sticks, fresh bread, those gorgeous sunflowers. When I explained we had a budget for our shopping, she looked at me confused and said “But can’t we just get more money from the bank machine?”
That moment hit me hard. Here I was, focusing so much on teaching her about composting and growing our own vegetables, but somehow I’d missed these crucial money conversations.
And honestly? I realized I might be doing things that accidentally mess up how my kids think about money without even knowing it.
After years in the classroom and now raising two little ones, I’ve noticed how easy it is to fall into habits that seem harmless but quietly shape how our children will handle money for the rest of their lives.
These aren’t obvious mistakes. They’re the subtle, everyday things we do because we love our kids and want to protect them.
1) Always saying “we can’t afford that” without explanation
How many times have you been at the store with your kids asking for something, and you automatically respond with “we can’t afford that”? I used to do this constantly, especially after leaving my teaching job when money got tighter.
But here’s what I learned: This phrase teaches kids that money is scarce and mysterious. They don’t understand why we can afford groceries but not the toy they want. They start thinking either we’re always broke or that money decisions are random.
Instead, I’ve started explaining our choices. “We’re choosing to save for our camping trip instead” or “That’s not in our grocery budget today, but let’s put it on your birthday wish list.” This shows them that money involves decisions and priorities, not just whether we have it or don’t.
My two-year-old obviously doesn’t get all this yet, but my daughter is starting to understand that we make choices with our money, just like we make choices about what to plant in our garden each season.
2) Never letting them see you pay bills or budget
Remember when our parents would shoo us away when they were “doing the bills”? Mine sure did. Money stuff was adult business, period.
But keeping finances completely hidden creates this mystique around money that can be really damaging. Kids grow up thinking managing money is either super complicated or something they’ll magically understand when they’re older.
Now when I sit down to work on our budget or pay bills online, I sometimes let my daughter sit with me. She sees me moving money to our savings for their education fund. She watches me pay for our electricity and understands that lights cost money. These aren’t lengthy lessons, just quick glimpses into real life money management.
She’s even started her own “budget” for her allowance money, dividing it between spending, saving, and sharing jars. It’s pretty basic, but she’s learning that money doesn’t just disappear when we spend it.
3) Fixing every money mistake they make
This one is tough for me. When my daughter spent all her tooth fairy money on stickers and then cried because she couldn’t buy the book she wanted the next day, every part of me wanted to just buy her the book.
But constantly rescuing kids from their money mistakes means they never feel the natural consequences of their choices. If they blow their allowance on candy and can’t buy the toy they want later, that disappointment teaches them more than any lecture could.
I’ve learned to sit with their discomfort instead of immediately fixing it. “I know you’re disappointed. What do you think you could do differently next time?” These moments are hard, but they’re building financial wisdom that will serve them way better than my constant interventions.
4) Using money as the main reward or punishment
“If you clean your room, I’ll give you five dollars.” “You were rude to your brother, so no allowance this week.” Sound familiar?
When we constantly tie money to behavior, kids start seeing it as a tool for control rather than a resource to manage. They might become adults who use money to manipulate others or who feel like their worth is tied to their bank account.
We’ve moved away from this in our house. Chores are part of being in a family. Good behavior is expected because it’s the right thing to do. Their small allowance is for learning to manage money, not a reward system. When they do something extra helpful, we might celebrate with extra story time or a special nature walk, not cash.
5) Buying them everything they need without involving them
This was my default mode. Kids need new shoes? I buy them. School supplies? I handle it. They just show up and everything appears.
But this teaches kids that stuff just materializes without any thought to cost or choices. They don’t learn to distinguish between needs and wants, or understand that resources are limited.
Now I bring my daughter along for some shopping trips. She helps me compare prices on cereal. She sees me putting items back when we realize we’re over budget. When she needed new markers for school, we looked at options together and she chose the basic set over the fancy one so we could also get the notebook she wanted.
These small moments are teaching her that everything has a cost and that shopping involves decisions, not just grabbing whatever looks good.
6) Never talking about your own money mistakes
We all want to look like we’ve got it together for our kids. But pretending we never mess up with money sets an impossible standard.
I’ve started sharing age-appropriate money mistakes with my kids. Like the time I forgot to cancel a subscription and wasted money, or when we had to skip eating out because I hadn’t tracked our spending well that month.
Not in a scary “we’re in trouble” way, but just matter-of-fact admissions that everyone makes mistakes with money sometimes.
This shows them that financial mistakes are normal and fixable, not catastrophes. It also demonstrates that adults are still learning and adjusting their money habits too.
7) Acting like some families are “rich” and others are “poor” without nuance
Kids notice differences. Why does their friend have a bigger house? Why do we shop at thrift stores when other families don’t?
If we don’t address these observations thoughtfully, kids create their own explanations that usually involve harsh judgments about worth and value. They might think having less money makes you less valuable, or that having more makes you better.
We talk about how families make different choices with their money. Some prioritize big houses, others prioritize travel, and we prioritize organic food and saving for education. We discuss how some people have different opportunities and challenges. Money isn’t about good or bad, it’s about choices and circumstances.
Finding a better balance
Changing these habits isn’t about being perfect. Trust me, I still catch myself doing some of these things, especially when I’m tired or stressed about our own finances. But being aware of them helps me course-correct.
The goal isn’t to turn our kids into financial wizards or burden them with adult worries. It’s about giving them a healthy, realistic relationship with money that will serve them throughout their lives.
Just like teaching them to grow their own food or mend their own clothes, understanding money is a life skill that empowers them.
Start small. Pick one habit to work on. Maybe it’s letting them help with grocery shopping or starting simple allowance jars. Remember, you’re planting seeds for their future relationship with money, and like any good garden, it takes time, patience, and plenty of learning from mistakes along the way.
