“But honey, he needs to learn to self-soothe! You can’t keep picking him up every time he cries.”
I smiled at my mom while bouncing my two-year-old on my hip, his tears already drying as he snuggled into my shoulder.
This conversation happens at least once every visit, and I’ve learned to take it in stride.
My parents raised me with love, but their playbook was written in a completely different era.
The generational gap between Millennial parents and our Boomer parents isn’t just about technology or social media.
It’s about fundamentally different approaches to raising children that can leave our parents scratching their heads, wondering where they went wrong with us.
Here are seven parenting choices that make perfect sense to me and my fellow Millennial parents, but might as well be written in ancient Sanskrit to the generation who raised us on TV dinners and “go play outside until the streetlights come on.”
1) We don’t force kids to “clean their plates”
Remember sitting at the dinner table for what felt like hours, staring down cold Brussels sprouts while your parents insisted you couldn’t leave until you finished everything?
Yeah, we’re not doing that anymore.
When my five-year-old says she’s full after eating half her dinner, I trust her.
Kids are actually pretty good at knowing when they’ve had enough, and forcing them to override their hunger cues can lead to unhealthy relationships with food later on.
My dad nearly choked on his coffee when I scraped my daughter’s leftover chicken into the compost without a second thought.
“There are starving children in Africa!” he sputtered.
But guilt-tripping kids into eating when they’re not hungry doesn’t actually help anyone, anywhere.
Instead, we offer healthy options, involve kids in meal prep when possible, and let them listen to their bodies.
No clean plate club membership required.
2) We validate feelings instead of dismissing them
“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
How many of us heard that growing up?
When my son melts down because his tower of blocks fell over, I don’t tell him it’s “no big deal” or that “big boys don’t cry.”
I get down on his level and say something like, “You worked so hard on that tower. It’s frustrating when things fall down.”
My parents think I’m coddling him.
They worry he’ll grow up “soft.”
But acknowledging emotions doesn’t make kids weak; it helps them understand and process their feelings in healthy ways.
The other day at the park, another mom gave me the side-eye when I spent five minutes talking my daughter through her disappointment about leaving.
But rushing kids through their emotions or shaming them for having feelings just teaches them to stuff everything down.
And we all know how well that worked out for our generation’s therapy bills.
3) We prioritize mental health from day one
My mother literally gasped when I mentioned I was looking for a play therapist for my daughter after she had some anxiety about starting preschool.
“Therapy? For a five-year-old? What could she possibly need therapy for?”
But here’s the thing: we’re not waiting for problems to become crises.
If my kid needs help processing big emotions or life changes, why wouldn’t I get her that support?
We take them to the dentist for preventive care, so why not do the same for their mental health?
This proactive approach to emotional well-being is completely foreign to many Boomer parents who were taught to “tough it out” and that therapy was only for “serious problems.”
Meanwhile, we’re over here teaching our toddlers breathing exercises and talking about feelings like it’s completely normal.
Because it should be.
4) We embrace attachment parenting practices
The look on my mother-in-law’s face when she found out we were still breastfeeding at 18 months could have powered a small city.
And don’t even get me started on her reaction to co-sleeping.
“You’re going to spoil that baby!” became the soundtrack of my early parenting days.
But responding to our babies’ needs, wearing them in carriers, and yes, letting them sleep in our bed when they need comfort isn’t spoiling them.
It’s building secure attachment.
My parents’ generation was told to let babies “cry it out” and establish independence as early as possible.
They put us in cribs in separate rooms from day one and followed strict feeding schedules.
We’re choosing connection over convenience, and it absolutely baffles them.
5) We limit screen time while living in a digital world
This one really gets them.
“We just put you in front of the TV when we needed to get things done!” my mom says, genuinely confused why I’m so strict about screen time when screens are everywhere.
The irony isn’t lost on me.
The generation that let us zone out to Saturday morning cartoons for hours can’t understand why we’re limiting tablet time to 30 minutes a day.
But we’ve seen the research on developing brains and screens, and we’re trying to be intentional about it.
Yet when we hand our parents articles about screen time effects on attention spans and sleep, they wave us off.
“You turned out fine!”
Sure, but maybe we want better than fine for our kids?
6) We say “no” to packed schedules
My parents cannot wrap their heads around why my five-year-old isn’t in dance, soccer, piano, and art class.
“Don’t you want her to be well-rounded?” they ask, genuinely concerned we’re depriving her of opportunities.
But we’ve seen what burnout looks like, and we’re not interested in raising stressed-out, overscheduled kids.
One or two activities? Sure.
But we also value boredom, free play, and family time that isn’t spent racing from one commitment to another.
Our parents’ generation equated busy with successful.
We’re choosing presence over productivity, and it looks like laziness to them.
7) We involve kids in “adult” conversations
“Not in front of the children!” was the anthem of Boomer parenting.
Kids were shuffled away when grown-ups talked about anything remotely serious.
But we’re having age-appropriate conversations with our kids about death, divorce, current events, and even family finances.
When my daughter asks why someone is homeless, I don’t change the subject.
When she notices people look different, we talk about diversity and inclusion.
My parents think we’re robbing kids of their innocence.
We think we’re preparing them for the real world while giving them the tools to process it.
Bridging the generational divide
Look, our parents did the best they could with the information they had.
They raised us, and we turned out mostly okay, even if we do spend a lot of time in therapy unpacking it all.
The world has changed dramatically since we were kids.
We have access to research and resources our parents never dreamed of.
We’re parenting in the age of climate anxiety, school shooting drills, and social media.
Of course our approach looks different.
Sometimes I catch my mom watching me comfort my son through a tantrum, and I see something shift in her face.
Maybe it’s understanding, maybe it’s just acceptance.
Either way, she’s slowly learning that different doesn’t mean wrong.
We’re all just doing our best to raise good humans. Even if our methods look like they’re from different planets.
