Before I had kids, I was absolutely certain about the kind of parent I’d be. Working as an elementary school teacher, I’d watched countless parents make what I considered “obvious” mistakes, and I kept a mental list of all the things I’d never do.
Fast forward to now, with a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old running circles around me, and that list? Let’s just say it’s been crumpled up, smoothed out, and rewritten about a hundred times.
If you’ve ever caught yourself doing exactly what you swore you wouldn’t, you’re in good company. Here are nine things I was absolutely, positively never going to do as a parent—until reality hit me like a toddler’s sticky hand to the face.
1) Bribing with treats
Remember when you watched that parent in the grocery store promise their kid a lollipop if they’d just stop screaming? And you thought, “I’ll never negotiate with tiny terrorists”?
Well, last Tuesday I found myself digging through my bag for organic fruit snacks while my 2-year-old performed his best impression of a fire alarm in the middle of Target. Did I feel a twinge of shame? Sure. Did it work? Also yes. Sometimes survival trumps principles, and that’s okay.
The truth is, strategic incentives (let’s call them that instead of bribes) can actually teach kids about cause and effect. The key is not making it your only tool. But when you’re trying to get through a doctor’s appointment or finish that important phone call, sometimes a well-timed treat is just smart parenting.
2) Using screens as a babysitter
Oh, how I judged parents who handed their kids tablets at restaurants. “My children will engage in meaningful conversation and color with crayons,” I declared to anyone who’d listen.
Cut to me, desperately needing to finish a work deadline, queuing up educational videos while telling myself that at least they’re learning about ocean animals. Or that morning when I had a stomach bug and could barely move, thank goodness for that nature documentary that bought me an hour of rest.
Have we become a screen-dependent society? No. But have screens saved my sanity during illness, important calls, or when I just need ten minutes to drink coffee while it’s still warm? Absolutely. Balance is everything, and beating yourself up over occasional screen time helps no one.
3) Saying “because I said so”
As a teacher, I always believed in explaining the reasoning behind rules. Kids deserve to understand the “why,” right? I was going to be the parent who always provided thoughtful, age-appropriate explanations.
Then came the day my daughter asked “why” for the thirty-seventh time about why she couldn’t wear her swimming goggles to preschool. After exhausting every logical explanation, “because I said so” just tumbled out. And you know what? The world didn’t end.
Sometimes kids aren’t really looking for explanations: they’re testing boundaries or just stuck in a loop. While I still try to explain things most of the time, I’ve learned that occasionally, parental authority is explanation enough.
4) Letting them eat dinner foods they actually like
My pre-kid self had visions of family dinners where everyone ate the same wholesome, balanced meal. No special kid foods, no separate dinners. We’d be that family whose children happily munched on quinoa bowls and asked for seconds of Brussels sprouts.
Reality check: Some nights, my kids eat cucumbers and whole grain toast with almond butter while my husband and I have curry. Is it ideal? Nope. But they’re fed, they’re getting nutrients, and we’re not spending the entire dinner in tears (theirs or mine).
Fighting every food battle turns meals into war zones. I’ve learned to pick my battles and trust that exposure over time, not force, creates adventurous eaters.
5) Losing my cool
“I’ll always stay calm and model emotional regulation,” said me, who had clearly never tried to dress a toddler who suddenly decided clothes are the enemy while running late for an appointment.
Last month, after my son dumped an entire container of oats on the floor right after I’d cleaned, I definitely raised my voice. Did I feel terrible afterward? Yes. Did I apologize and talk about how everyone has big feelings sometimes? Also yes.
Showing our kids that we’re human, that we make mistakes and can repair them, might actually be more valuable than maintaining perfect composure. Progress, not perfection, remember?
6) Comparing my kids to others
Before kids, I promised myself I’d never compare. Every child develops at their own pace, right? Each one is unique and special in their own way.
Then I found myself at the park, watching another 2-year-old speak in full sentences while mine communicated primarily through pointing and pterodactyl screeches. That little voice crept in: “Should he be talking more? What am I doing wrong?”
Comparison is almost impossible to avoid completely—we’re human. The trick is catching yourself and redirecting. Now when I notice myself comparing, I try to turn it into curiosity about my own kids’ unique strengths instead.
7) Using baby talk
I was absolutely going to speak to my children like small adults, using proper words and rich vocabulary to enhance their language development. No “boo-boos” or “ouchies” in this house!
Yet here I am, asking if anyone needs to go “potty” and referring to our neighbor’s dog as “the sweet puppy-wuppy.” Sometimes that silly voice just happens, especially when someone needs comfort or we’re being playful.
Turns out, that sing-song voice actually helps babies learn language patterns. And honestly? The giggles it produces are worth any linguistic dignity I’ve sacrificed.
8) Negotiating bedtime
Bedtime was going to be non-negotiable. Bath, books, bed. Same time every night. No exceptions, no negotiations, no “five more minutes.”
Want to know what happened to that plan? Life. Some nights we’re home late. Sometimes someone naps weird. Sometimes there’s a thunderstorm and everyone needs extra cuddles. And yes, sometimes I cave to “just one more story” because those bedtime snuggles won’t last forever.
Structure matters, but so does flexibility. Learning when to hold the line and when to bend has made bedtime less of a battle and more of a (mostly) peaceful transition.
9) Picking battles
Who’s worn a superhero cape to the grocery store? Who’s gone to school with mismatched shoes because they insisted on dressing themselves?
I used to think parents who let their kids wear costumes in public had given up. Now I realize they’ve just learned something valuable: Not every hill is worth dying on. If wearing rain boots on a sunny day makes my daughter happy and hurts literally no one, why fight it?
The beautiful mess of real parenting
Here’s what I’ve learned: Those pre-parent promises we make? They come from a good place, but they’re made without context. They’re made before we’ve experienced the bone-deep exhaustion, the endless negotiations, the surprising joy of seeing the world through our children’s eyes.
Every single thing on this list that I’ve done? None of them broke my kids. They’re thriving, creative, kind little humans who know they’re loved. They’re learning that their parents are human, that flexibility is a life skill, and that sometimes love looks like organic fruit snacks in Target.
So if you’ve caught yourself doing things you swore you’d never do, welcome to the club. We meet at the playground, we bring coffee, and we don’t judge when someone’s kid is eating crackers for breakfast. Because we’re all just doing our best, one crumbled promise at a time.
