Every time I visit my parents, my mom still insists on making my favorite childhood meal, even though I’m well into my thirties with kids of my own.
And you know what? I let her.
Not because I can’t cook (though her lasagna is admittedly better than mine), but because I’ve realized this is her love language, and accepting it is mine back to her.
As my own little ones grow, I find myself wondering if they’ll one day appreciate all the late nights, the endless snack prep, the gentle parenting moments when I really wanted to lose it.
Will they remember the cloth diapers? Probably not.
But hopefully they’ll carry something deeper.
Here’s the thing though: adult children often show appreciation in ways we might not immediately recognize.
After talking with other parents and reflecting on my own relationship with my parents, I’ve noticed some beautiful, subtle signs that grown kids really do value everything their parents did, even when the words don’t come easily.
1) They seek your advice (even if they don’t always take it)
Remember when your teenager rolled their eyes at every suggestion you made?
Fast forward a few years, and suddenly they’re texting you about job decisions or relationship questions.
They might not follow your exact advice, but the fact that they’re asking? That’s gold.
My older brother, who spent his teens convinced our parents knew nothing, now calls our dad before any major purchase.
Does he always buy what Dad suggests? Nope.
But he values that perspective enough to seek it out.
When your adult children come to you with their problems or decisions, they’re essentially saying, “Your life experience matters to me.”
They trust your judgment because of how you raised them, even if they chart their own course.
2) They’ve adopted your values (in their own way)
This one sneaks up on you.
Maybe they don’t practice the exact same traditions or follow your precise blueprint, but look closer.
Are they kind to service workers like you taught them?
Do they value family time, even if it looks different from Sunday dinners at your house?
I see this with my own parents all the time.
They were skeptical of my “hippie parenting” at first, all the babywearing and organic everything.
But then my mom pointed out that I’m just expressing the same core value she taught me: putting family first.
She bottled-fed and used disposable diapers, I breastfeed and use cloth.
Different methods, same heart.
Your kids might not carbon-copy your life, but watch for those underlying values you instilled.
They’re there, just wearing different clothes.
3) They make time for you (even when life is chaos)
Adult life is overwhelming.
Between work, their own kids, and trying to remember if they paid the electric bill, carving out time for parents isn’t always easy.
But they do it anyway.
Maybe it’s not the weekly dinners you’d hoped for.
Maybe it’s a quick coffee between errands or a FaceTime call while they’re cooking dinner.
But when busy adults consistently make space for you in their packed schedules, that’s appreciation in action.
Quality matters more than quantity here.
That monthly lunch date where they’re fully present beats obligatory weekly visits where they’re checking their phone the whole time.
4) They parent with intention (whether similar or different from you)
Here’s something beautiful I’ve noticed: whether adult children parent exactly like their parents or completely differently, both can be signs of appreciation. Stay with me here.
If they adopt your parenting style, they’re honoring what you gave them.
If they do things differently, they’re often thoughtfully considering what they experienced and making conscious choices.
Both require reflection on their childhood, which means they’re processing and valuing that experience.
I parent more openly about emotions than my parents did.
This isn’t a rejection of their love, but rather building on the foundation they gave me.
They did their best with the tools they had, and now I’m using new tools while standing on their shoulders.
5) They share your stories with others
Ever overhear your adult child telling their friend about something you did or said years ago?
That’s appreciation wearing everyday clothes.
They’re keeping your influence alive in their daily narrative.
Maybe they quote your sayings (even the ones they used to mock).
Maybe they tell their kids about your traditions.
Or maybe they just mention you naturally in conversation: “My mom always said…” or “My dad taught me…”
These casual references mean you’re woven into the fabric of who they are.
You’re not just their past; you’re part of their present story.
6) They protect your feelings (even when you mess up)
Do you ever notice your adult children being gentle with your mistakes or outdated views?
When they patiently explain something for the third time or redirect a conversation away from topics that might hurt you, they’re showing deep appreciation for your feelings.
This role reversal can feel strange.
Suddenly they’re the ones being patient while you figure out new technology or navigate changing social norms.
But this gentleness comes from love and recognition of all the times you were patient with them.
They could easily dismiss you or make you feel foolish.
Instead, they choose kindness.
That’s gratitude in its most mature form.
7) They’ve forgiven your imperfections
No parent is perfect.
We all have moments we’d handle differently given the chance.
The beautiful thing about adult children who appreciate their upbringing is that they can see past the mistakes to the love underneath.
This doesn’t mean they pretend everything was perfect.
Healthy adult children can acknowledge what was hard while still appreciating what was good.
They understand you were doing your best with what you knew and had at the time.
When I see my parents now, I don’t see the times they lost their patience or made decisions I wouldn’t make.
I see two people who loved me fiercely and did their absolute best.
That perspective shift? That’s appreciation matured by time and probably some parenting struggles of their own.
Final thoughts
Sometimes appreciation looks like a heartfelt card on Mother’s Day.
But more often, it looks like a dozen small things: the way they laugh at your old jokes, how they call when they’re sick, or the fact that they still want your opinion on which couch to buy.
As I watch my own young children grow, I’m learning to notice these subtle signs in my relationship with my parents.
And you know what? I’m trying to be better at saying the words, too.
Because while these signs are beautiful, there’s still something powerful about hearing “Thank you for everything” out loud.
So if you’re wondering whether your adult children appreciate all those years of sacrifice and love, look for these signs.
They’re probably there, quietly shining in the everyday moments.
And if you’re an adult child reading this, maybe it’s time to pick up the phone and say those words your parents are longing to hear.
