There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to be the perfect parent. I know it well.
It’s the kind where you’ve read all the books, planned the enriching activity, prepared the organic snack, and somehow still feel like you’re failing because your kid would rather play with the cardboard box than the carefully curated toy inside it.
Here’s what I’ve learned after four years of parenting and countless moments of overthinking: the parents who seem most at peace aren’t the ones doing the most. They’re the ones who’ve made peace with doing enough.
And ironically, their kids often seem more resilient, more creative, and more emotionally grounded. The research backs this up too.
Psychologist Donald Winnicott coined the term “good enough” parenting decades ago, and his insight still holds: children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones who allow room for struggle, boredom, and repair.
1) They let their kids be bored
Perfectionist parents often feel the weight of every unstructured moment. If the kids aren’t engaged in something meaningful, it feels like wasted time. So they fill every gap with activities, educational apps, or elaborate craft projects.
Good enough parents? They let the boredom sit. They resist the urge to fix it.
And something interesting happens in that space. Kids start inventing games. They dig through the junk drawer. They build forts out of couch cushions.
Boredom becomes the birthplace of creativity, not something to be rescued from. When we rush in to entertain, we accidentally rob our kids of the chance to discover what they actually want to do. The discomfort of having nothing planned is where imagination gets its workout.
2) They serve the same dinner without guilt
I used to feel like every meal needed to be a balanced, colorful, Instagram-worthy plate. Then I had a second kid, and suddenly rotation meals became survival. Pasta with butter. Rice and beans. The same chicken dish three times in one week.
Good enough parents don’t spiral about this. They know that kids thrive on predictability, and familiar foods can actually reduce mealtime stress. Perfectionist parents, on the other hand, sometimes turn dinner into a battleground of nutrition goals and variety quotas.
Here’s the thing: your kid isn’t going to remember whether you served broccoli or green beans on a Tuesday. They’re going to remember whether meals felt calm or tense. Whether dinner was a time for connection or correction. Serve the same thing again. No one’s keeping score but you.
3) They let small conflicts play out
When two kids start bickering over a toy, the perfectionist parent often swoops in immediately. They mediate, assign turns, and try to engineer fairness. It comes from a good place, but it can backfire.
Good enough parents hang back a beat longer. They watch. They let the tension build just enough for the kids to feel it and, sometimes, figure it out themselves.
This doesn’t mean ignoring aggression or letting things escalate to chaos. But minor squabbles? Those are practice rounds for real life.
As noted by the American Academy of Pediatrics, sibling conflict can actually help children develop negotiation and problem-solving skills when parents resist the urge to constantly intervene. Every time we solve it for them, we delay their ability to solve it themselves.
4) They say no without over-explaining
Perfectionist parents often feel the need to justify every boundary. “We can’t have ice cream because it’s too close to dinner and sugar affects your sleep and we want to make healthy choices as a family…” Meanwhile, the kid stopped listening after “can’t.”
Good enough parents say no and let it land. “Not today.” “That’s not happening.” “I hear you, and the answer is still no.”
Kids don’t need a dissertation on your reasoning. They need to know the boundary is firm. Over-explaining can actually make limits feel negotiable, like there’s a loophole if they argue well enough.
A calm, clear no, delivered without guilt or defensiveness, teaches kids that boundaries are part of life. And that you’re sturdy enough to hold them.
5) They embrace imperfect repair
Every parent loses their cool sometimes. The difference is what happens next. Perfectionist parents often spiral into shame. They replay the moment, over-apologize, or try to compensate with extra affection or treats.
Good enough parents repair simply. “I yelled, and that wasn’t okay. I’m sorry. I was frustrated, but that’s not how I want to talk to you.”
That’s it. No dramatic make-up gestures. No week-long guilt spiral. Just acknowledgment, accountability, and moving forward.
Kids learn more from watching us repair imperfectly than from watching us pretend to be perfect. They learn that relationships can bend without breaking. That mistakes don’t define us. That saying sorry is a strength, not a weakness.
6) They don’t narrate every moment
There’s a trend in gentle parenting circles to sportcast everything. “I see you’re feeling frustrated. You wanted the blue cup but I gave you the red cup. That’s disappointing. It’s okay to feel sad about the cup.”
Sometimes this is helpful. But perfectionist parents can take it too far, turning every minor moment into a processing session. Good enough parents read the room. Sometimes a kid just needs a hug, not a play-by-play of their emotional state.
Over-narrating can actually overwhelm kids, especially younger ones who are still developing the language to understand their feelings. It can also make them feel like they’re constantly being observed and analyzed.
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is just be there quietly. Hand them the blue cup if you have it. Or don’t, and let them move on.
7) They let their kids struggle with age-appropriate tasks
Watching your kid fumble with a zipper for three minutes when you could do it in two seconds is genuinely hard. Perfectionist parents often step in because it’s faster, easier, or less frustrating for everyone.
Good enough parents let the struggle happen. They sit on their hands, bite their tongue, and let their kid wrestle with the zipper, the shoe, the puzzle piece that clearly goes the other way.
This is where competence is built. Not in the moments we rescue them, but in the moments we don’t.
Research from developmental psychology consistently shows that children who are allowed to struggle with manageable challenges develop greater resilience and self-efficacy. The pride on a kid’s face when they finally get that zipper up? You can’t manufacture that. It only comes from earned effort.
8) They take breaks without guilt
Perfectionist parents often feel like they need to be “on” all the time. Every moment with the kids should be quality time. Checking your phone is a failure. Wanting alone time is selfish.
Good enough parents know that’s a recipe for burnout. They take the ten minutes in the bathroom. They let the kids watch an extra episode so they can drink coffee in silence. They ask for help without feeling like they’re admitting defeat.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: when I give myself permission to step away, I come back better. More patient. More present. More able to actually enjoy my kids instead of just enduring the day. Your kids don’t need you at 100% every second. They need you at a sustainable pace for the long haul.
9) They let their kids see them as human
Perfectionist parents sometimes hide their struggles from their kids. They don’t want to burden them, or they worry that showing weakness will make their children feel unsafe.
Good enough parents let the mask slip sometimes. Not in overwhelming ways, but in real ones. “I’m having a hard day.” “That made me sad.” “I need a minute to calm down before we talk about this.”
Kids are incredibly perceptive. They know when something’s off, even if you don’t name it. When we pretend everything’s fine, they learn to distrust their instincts.
When we model honest emotion, handled responsibly, they learn that feelings are normal and manageable. They learn that even grown-ups have hard days. And that’s not scary. It’s just life.
Closing thoughts
Perfectionism in parenting usually comes from love. We want so badly to get it right, to give our kids everything, to protect them from struggle and pain. But in trying to create a perfect childhood, we sometimes sand down the very edges that help kids grow.
Good enough parenting isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about redirecting your energy. Less toward performance, more toward presence. Less toward control, more toward connection.
Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be real, to be steady, and to show up again tomorrow even when today was a mess. That’s the work. And honestly? It’s more than enough.
