There’s a moment that sticks with me from last weekend at the park. My youngest grandchild, who’s three, was trying to climb up the slide the wrong way while other kids waited at the top.
Instead of rushing over to correct her, I watched as an older gentleman gently encouraged his own grandson to help her up. When they both made it to the top together, giggling, the grandfather simply smiled and said, “Good teamwork.”
That man? He’s the kind of grandparent everyone talks about at family gatherings. The one whose grandkids light up when they arrive. The one who somehow manages to be both fun and wise, present but not overbearing.
After years of watching these special grandparents (and trying to be one myself with my four grandkids), I’ve noticed they tend to follow certain principles. Not rules exactly, but ways of being that make them unforgettable in the best possible way.
Being a grandfather is like being a parent with the volume turned down. Same love, less anxiety. And that shift in perspective? It makes all the difference.
1) They listen more than they talk
You know what I discovered pretty quickly after becoming a grandfather? Kids will tell you things they won’t tell their parents if you just stay quiet long enough.
Last month, my eleven-year-old grandson spent twenty minutes telling me about a problem with a friend at school. I probably said ten words total. But by the end, he’d worked through it himself and thanked me for the advice. What advice? I’d barely spoken!
Great grandparents understand that sometimes the gift isn’t in having all the answers. It’s in providing the safe space for grandchildren to find their own.
2) They show up consistently, not perfectly
Every weekend, weather permitting, I take my local grandkids to the park. Is it always magical? Hardly. Sometimes they’re cranky. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes we last ten minutes before someone has a meltdown.
But here’s what matters: they know I’ll be there. Rain or shine (okay, mostly shine), Grandpa shows up.
The grandparents everyone remembers aren’t the ones who planned elaborate outings once a year. They’re the ones who were simply there, week after week, for the ordinary moments that somehow become extraordinary in memory.
3) They create traditions, no matter how small
Speaking of those park visits, we’ve developed our own little ritual. We always stop at the same bench first to “check for messages from the squirrels.” It’s silly. It takes two minutes. But my grandkids talk about it constantly.
Think about your favorite grandparent memories. Bet they involve some quirky tradition that meant nothing to anyone else but everything to you.
The best grandparents understand that traditions don’t need to be elaborate. They just need to be yours.
4) They respect the parents’ rules (even when they disagree)
This one’s tough, I’ll admit. When you see your grandkids only getting fifteen minutes of screen time, or not being allowed certain treats, every instinct wants to be the fun one who breaks the rules.
But grandparents who truly make a difference support the parents’ decisions. They might gently share wisdom when asked, but they never undermine.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, trust between generations is built on respect. When parents know you’ve got their back, they’re more likely to give you the freedom to build your own special relationship with the grandkids.
5) They share stories, not lectures
“When I was your age” can be the beginning of a boring lecture or a captivating story. The difference? How you tell it.
My grandkids love hearing about the time I got stuck in a tree trying to rescue a neighbor’s cat (the cat got down fine; I needed the fire department). They don’t need to know I’m really teaching them about helping others and laughing at yourself.
Great grandparents weave life lessons into stories. They make their past relevant to their grandchildren’s present without preaching.
6) They embrace the grandchild’s world
Can I explain what my eight-year-old grandson is doing in his video game? Not really. Do I try to understand because it matters to him? Absolutely.
The grandparents everyone wishes they had don’t demand that grandkids enter their world exclusively. They step into their grandchildren’s universe, even when it involves music that sounds like noise or shows that make no sense.
You don’t have to love what they love. You just have to love that they love it.
7) They admit when they don’t know something
My granddaughter asked me last week why the sky is blue. Old me would have made something up. Current me said, “Great question! Let’s find out together.”
Beloved grandparents model that it’s okay not to have all the answers. They show that learning never stops and curiosity is ageless. Plus, searching for answers together? That’s bonding time you can’t buy.
8) They offer presence over presents
Sure, gifts are nice. But you know what my grandkids talk about most? The time we spent an hour watching ants carry crumbs. The afternoon we built a fort out of couch cushions. The morning we had a “backwards breakfast” with dessert first.
Those grandparents everyone remembers? They understood that time is the only currency that really matters. Being present in ways that work didn’t allow when my own kids were young has been one of the unexpected joys of this phase of life.
9) They see each grandchild as an individual
With four grandkids ranging from three to eleven, I’ve learned they’re each completely different humans. What works with one backfires spectacularly with another.
Great grandparents don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach. They study each grandchild like they’re preparing for the most important test of their life. Because in a way, they are.
They notice that one grandchild needs space when upset while another needs a hug. They remember that this one loves dinosaurs while that one is terrified of them. They adjust, adapt, and meet each child where they are.
Closing thoughts
Those weekend park visits I mentioned? They’re the highlight of my week. Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re real. Because in those moments, watching my grandkids navigate the world, offering a steady presence when they need it, I get to be part of their story in a way that matters.
Becoming the grandparent everyone wishes they had isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present, consistent, and genuinely interested in these small humans who carry a piece of your heart.
What principle would you add to this list? Or better yet, what did your favorite grandparent do that made them unforgettable?
