There’s something my eleven-year-old grandson said to me last weekend that stopped me in my tracks. We were at the park, just the two of us, watching some older kids play basketball. “Grandpa,” he said, “Dad tells me what to do, but you show me who I could be.”
That got me thinking about the unique role grandfathers play in shaping young boys into men. It’s different from being a dad. When I was raising my two sons, now in their thirties with families of their own, I was caught up in the daily grind of parenting. Rules, homework, discipline, making sure they brushed their teeth. Important stuff, sure, but it left little room for the deeper lessons.
Being a grandfather to four amazing kids, ranging from three to eleven, has given me a second chance. It’s like being a parent with the volume turned down. Same love, less anxiety. And that creates space for teaching things that only come with age, perspective, and maybe a few gray hairs.
So what exactly can a grandfather teach about being a man that others can’t? Let me share what I’ve learned.
1) Failure isn’t the opposite of success
When my sons were young, I worried constantly about them failing. Every poor grade felt like a crisis. Every strikeout in little league seemed monumental.
But here’s what sixty-something years have taught me: The men I respect most are the ones who failed spectacularly and kept going.
Last month, my eight-year-old grandson didn’t make the travel soccer team. His dad was disappointed, maybe even more than he was.
But when we went for our usual weekend park visit, I told him about the three businesses I tried to start before landing my office job. All three flopped. Badly.
“Did you feel like a loser?” he asked me.
“Every single time,” I admitted. “But each failure taught me something the successes never could have.”
Grandfathers have the luxury of long-term perspective. We’ve seen enough seasons change to know that today’s disaster is tomorrow’s funny story.
We can teach boys that real strength comes from getting knocked down seven times and standing up eight.
2) Emotions aren’t the enemy
My generation of men grew up believing that showing emotion was weakness. I spent decades stuffing feelings down like cramming too many clothes in a suitcase.
When my father died when I was in my forties, it hit harder than I expected. Not just because I lost him, but because I realized how much I’d never said.
With my grandsons, I’m different. When they see me tear up during a movie or get choked up talking about their grandmother, I don’t hide it.
“Real men don’t just feel anger and happiness,” I tell them. “We feel everything. The difference is learning what to do with those feelings.”
As I’ve covered in a previous post, emotional intelligence isn’t just buzzword nonsense. It’s the foundation of healthy relationships, good decision-making, and inner peace.
Grandfathers, having lived through more, can model this without the pressure of daily discipline getting in the way.
3) Respect is earned in small moments
You want to know where respect really lives? Not in grand gestures or tough guy acts. It’s in how you treat the waiter who messed up your order.
How you talk about your wife when she’s not in the room. Whether you pick up that piece of trash that isn’t yours.
My grandsons watch everything. Last week at the park, we saw a teenager help an elderly woman with her groceries.
“That’s a man,” I told them, because he noticed someone needed help and acted without being asked.
These are lessons that sink in differently coming from a grandfather. Parents teach manners. Grandfathers can teach character. We’ve had enough time to see how the small choices add up to the big picture of who you become.
4) Work is important but it’s not everything
Here’s something I couldn’t have taught when I was thirty-five and climbing the corporate ladder: your job doesn’t define your worth as a man.
Took me forty years in an office to figure that out.
My grandsons see me now, retired, finding joy in simple things. Writing these articles, walking in the park, building model airplanes with them in my garage.
They need to know that while working hard matters, knowing when to stop working might matter more.
“Your dad works hard to provide for you,” I tell them. “But notice how he never misses your games. That’s the real lesson.”
Grandfathers can teach boys that being a man means knowing your priorities and having the courage to live by them, even when the world tells you to hustle harder.
5) Gentleness is a form of strength
Watch any grandfather with a grandchild and you’ll see something beautiful.
Big, weathered hands helping tiny fingers tie shoes, and deep voices softening to read bedtime stories; this is strength controlled, directed, purposeful.
My three-year-old grandson loves when I carry him on my shoulders. He feels like a giant up there. But what I’m really teaching him is that male strength exists to lift others up, not tear them down.
True power is having the ability to harm but choosing kindness instead: It’s speaking softly when you could yell, and walking away from a fight you could probably win.
These are lessons best taught by men who’ve already proven themselves and have nothing left to prove.
6) Time is the most valuable thing you can give
Every weekend, I take the local grandchildren to the park. It’s become the highlight of my week.
We just exist together; skip rocks, climb trees, and talk about whatever’s on their minds.
What am I teaching them? That showing up matters more than showing off, that presence beats presents every time, and that a man makes time for what matters, and what matters is people.
Your grandfather has something your father might not: Actual time. We’re not rushing to meetings or stressing about promotions.
We can teach boys that masculinity is about being fully present for the people who count on you.
7) Legacy is built in relationships, not achievements
At my age, you start thinking about what you’ll leave behind. Turns out it’s not the promotions or the bank account that matter.
It’s whether your grandchildren will remember you as someone who made them feel valued, heard, and loved.
I’m teaching my grandsons that being a man means investing in people. It means remembering birthdays, showing up for the hard conversations, and saying “I love you” out loud, regularly, without needing a special occasion.
Closing thoughts
Here’s the thing about being a grandfather: We get to be the directors’ commentary on the movie of manhood.
We’ve seen the whole film, know where the plot twists are, and understand which scenes really mattered in the end.
The lessons we teach aren’t always obvious. They seep in slowly, through shared moments and patient presence.
They’re caught more than taught, lived more than lectured.
So, I’ll keep taking those walks to the park, keep sharing those stories, keep showing up.
Somewhere between pushing them on the swings and buying them ice cream, I’m helping shape the men they’ll become.
What memories do you have of lessons your grandfather taught you about being a man?
