Growing up, whenever the car broke down, or we couldn’t afford something we needed, or life threw us another curveball, my mother would take a deep breath, look me straight in the eye, and say those four words: “We’ll figure it out.”
Back then, I thought it was just something parents said to keep kids from panicking. You know, like “everything will be fine” or “don’t worry about it.”
But here’s what I’ve learned after studying psychology and watching how my own mind works: Those four simple words programmed something fundamental into my developing brain.
They were installing core software that would run my entire adult life.
The critical window that shapes everything
There’s this fascinating period in childhood development that psychologists call the “critical period,” or basically from birth to around age six.
During this time, our brains are like sponges on steroids, absorbing not just information but entire belief systems about how the world works.
Think about it: When you’re five years old, you don’t have the cognitive ability to question whether problems are solvable or not. You just accept what the important adults in your life demonstrate and tell you.
If your mother consistently responds to challenges with “we’ll figure it out,” your brain encodes this as a fundamental truth about reality.
Children who grow up hearing solution-focused language from their parents develop what’s called an “internal locus of control,” or the belief that they have agency over their life circumstances.
I never realized how deeply this had rooted itself in me until I started noticing my automatic responses to problems.
Lost my job? We’ll figure it out.
Relationship troubles? We’ll figure it out.
Starting a business with no idea what I’m doing? You guessed it.
Why “temporary” changes everything
Here’s the thing about believing problems are temporary: It completely rewires how you experience stress.
When something goes wrong, there are basically two ways your brain can interpret it. Either this is a permanent state of affairs that defines your reality, or it’s a temporary challenge that will pass.
Guess which interpretation leads to anxiety, depression, and giving up?
My mother’s phrase contained a hidden assumption that I absorbed without even knowing it: Problems have endpoints.
They’re temporary obstacles on the path.
People who view setbacks as temporary, specific, and solvable tend to bounce back faster and achieve more in life. They literally see a different reality than pessimists looking at the exact same situation.
I saw this play out in my own family growing up: We didn’t have much money—and there were plenty of financial challenges—but, instead of treating poverty as our identity, my parents treated it as a problem to solve.
And guess what? They figured it out, step by step, year by year.
The solvable problem mindset
There’s something almost magical that happens when you genuinely believe problems are solvable: You start looking for solutions instead of dwelling on the problem.
Sounds obvious, right? But you’d be surprised how many people get stuck in what I call “problem loops,” which are endlessly analyzing why something is wrong without ever shifting into solution mode.
When you run on “we’ll figure it out” software, your brain automatically skips past the wallowing phase.
It’s like having a mental shortcut that says, “Okay, this sucks, but what’s the next move?”
I noticed this big time when I started Hack Spirit back in 2016.
I had no idea how to build a website, create content consistently, or grow an audience. The learning curve was insane, but that voice in my head—my mother’s voice, really—kept saying we’ll figure it out.
Piece by piece, mistake by mistake, we did.
In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how Buddhist philosophy takes this even further with the concept of impermanence. Everything is temporary, including our problems. When you really internalize this, it becomes impossible to stay stuck.
Building resilience one problem at a time
You know what’s interesting? Every time you successfully “figure it out,” you’re essentially doing bicep curls for your resilience muscle.
Each solved problem becomes evidence that reinforces the original belief. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in the best possible way.
You believe problems are solvable, so you solve them, which makes you believe even more strongly that problems are solvable.
I’ve watched this compound in my own life over the decades.
The challenges I face now would have absolutely crushed me at 20 but, after years of figuring things out, my confidence in my ability to handle whatever comes has become pretty unshakeable.
Recently, when my daughter was born, I faced a whole new category of problems I’d never dealt with before: Sleepless nights, mysterious crying, and the overwhelming responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive.
But that familiar voice kicked in: We’ll figure it out. And day by day, we are.
How to install this software in yourself
So what if you didn’t grow up with someone programming this belief into your young brain? Are you just stuck with whatever mental software you happened to pick up?
While childhood is the easiest time to install these deep beliefs, neuroplasticity means we can rewire our brains at any age. It just takes more conscious effort.
Start by catching yourself in problem loops. When you notice you’re spiraling about something, pause and ask: “What would someone who believes this is figure-out-able do right now?”
Then do that thing, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Language matters too: Start using “we’ll figure it out” as your default response to challenges, even if it feels fake at first.
Say it to yourself, say it to others.
Your brain doesn’t actually know the difference between real confidence and acted confidence as it responds to both.
Also, start small: Pick minor problems and practice the “figure it out” approach with low stakes.
Each success builds evidence for your brain that yes, you can handle things.
Final words
Looking back, I realize my mother gave me one of the greatest gifts a parent can give: The unshakeable belief that I can handle whatever life throws at me.
She probably didn’t know she was programming my neural pathways or installing core beliefs that would shape my entire approach to life.
Moreover, she was just doing what resourceful parents do by making the best of difficult situations and trying to keep her kids from freaking out.
But whether she knew it or not, those four words became the operating system for my life.
They’re the reason I could walk away from traditional career paths to start my own business, and they’re the reason I can face the beautiful chaos of new parenthood without completely losing it.
The truth is, most problems really are temporary and solvable.
Not all of them, sure, but way more than our anxious brains want us to believe.
When you start from the assumption that you’ll figure it out, you usually do.
So, the next time you’re facing something that feels overwhelming, try channeling someone’s mother (maybe mine, maybe yours) and remind yourself: We’ll figure it out because, chances are, you will.
