Last weekend, I dragged myself to a work colleague’s birthday party. I knew exactly three people there, and within the first ten minutes, I found myself doing that thing where you pretend to check your phone because you don’t know where to stand or who to talk to.
I’ve been to enough social gatherings to recognize the patterns now. There are certain behaviors that give away discomfort faster than anything else. I’ve done most of them myself, and I’ve watched others do them too.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about the telltale signs of social unease at parties.
1. Staying glued to the person who brought them
This one’s pretty common. Someone arrives with a friend and then spends the entire evening within arm’s reach of that person. They follow them to the bathroom, to get drinks, to say hello to other guests. It’s like they’ve become a human shadow.
I get it. That friend is your safety net in a room full of strangers. But it also broadcasts loud and clear that you’re not comfortable branching out on your own.
The fix isn’t to abandon your friend completely. It’s about giving yourself permission to drift a little. Join a conversation nearby while your friend talks to someone else. You can always reconnect later.
2. Checking their phone constantly
Phones have become the modern escape hatch at social events. When you’re not sure what to do with yourself, you pull out your device and suddenly you look busy and occupied.
I’ve done this more times than I’d like to admit. Standing alone feels vulnerable, so scrolling through Instagram or pretending to answer an important text gives you something to do with your hands and eyes.
The problem is that it creates a barrier between you and everyone else in the room. People are less likely to approach someone who’s clearly absorbed in their screen. You end up more isolated than you were before.
3. Hovering near the food table
The snack table is a magnet for uncomfortable party guests. It gives you a legitimate reason to stand somewhere without looking lost. You can graze, rearrange things on your plate, go back for seconds, and generally look occupied.
I once spent twenty minutes at a wedding reception pretending to decide between two types of cheese. The truth was, I didn’t know anyone at my table yet and needed a moment to gather myself before sitting down.
Food is a safe zone, but camping out there for too long becomes obvious. Other guests notice when someone keeps circling back to the same spot instead of mingling.
4. Answering questions with one word and not asking anything back
Conversation is a two-way street, but when you’re feeling awkward, it’s easy to forget that. Someone asks what you do for work, you give a short answer, and then silence. They ask about your weekend plans, you say “not much,” and the exchange dies right there.
This happens because your brain is too busy managing anxiety to think about keeping the conversation going. You’re focused on not saying something embarrassing rather than actually connecting with the other person.
The thing is, conversations need fuel from both sides. As noted by experts, asking follow-up questions and showing genuine curiosity keeps interactions flowing naturally.
5. Standing with arms crossed or holding a drink in front of their chest
Body language speaks before you even open your mouth. Crossed arms or clutching a glass like a shield signals that you’re closed off and defensive. It’s a protective stance that people adopt without realizing it.
I catch myself doing this at networking events all the time. My shoulders hunch forward, my arms come up, and suddenly I’m broadcasting “please don’t talk to me” to the entire room.
The interesting part is that changing your posture can actually shift how you feel. Uncrossing your arms and letting your hands rest at your sides or hold your drink loosely makes you appear more approachable, and over time, you might start to feel that way too.
6. Leaving conversations abruptly without a proper exit
Have you ever been talking to someone at a party and they just sort of vanish mid-conversation? One second they’re nodding along, the next they’ve spotted someone across the room and walked away without explanation.
This happens when someone feels trapped in an interaction they don’t know how to end gracefully. The anxiety builds until they bolt, often leaving the other person confused or slightly offended.
A simple “it was nice chatting with you” or “I’m going to grab another drink” is all it takes. But when you’re uncomfortable, even that small social script feels hard to execute, so you just escape.
7. Laughing a little too hard at everything
Nervous laughter is a real thing. When you’re unsure how to respond or what to say, laughter fills the gap. Someone makes a mildly funny comment and you laugh like it’s the best joke you’ve heard all year.
It’s a way of showing you’re friendly and engaged when you don’t know what else to do. The problem is that over-the-top reactions can feel forced, and people pick up on that insincerity pretty quickly.
I’ve noticed this most at work events where I’m trying to make a good impression. Everything becomes hilarious because I’m working overtime to appear relaxed and fun, which ironically makes me seem less genuine.
8. Arriving late and leaving early
Timing says a lot about comfort level. Showing up late means you miss the awkward early phase when there are only a few people and conversations haven’t formed yet. Leaving early gives you an escape route before things get too overwhelming.
I’m guilty of both. I’ll deliberately arrive thirty minutes after the start time so the room is already buzzing, and I’ll leave before the party winds down so I don’t have to endure those final stragglers trying to keep conversations alive.
Final thoughts
Here’s what I’ve learned from years of feeling uncomfortable at parties: everyone else is mostly worried about themselves too. That person who looks completely at ease? They might be working just as hard to appear relaxed as you are.
The behaviors I listed aren’t character flaws. They’re coping mechanisms. But recognizing them gives you the option to make different choices when you’re ready.
I still check my phone too much at parties. I still gravitate toward the people I know best. But I also push myself a little further each time. Small steps matter more than dramatic transformations.
Be patient with yourself. Social comfort is a skill, not a personality trait, and skills improve with practice.
