You know what keeps me up at night sometimes? Wondering if I’m actually doing this whole parenting thing right.
My two little ones are tucked in their beds, and I’m lying there thinking about whether they’ll grow up knowing how much I tried, how much I cared, even when I messed up. Because let’s be real—kids don’t exactly hand out performance reviews.
The thing is, good parenting often happens in those quiet, unremarkable moments that our kids might never consciously remember. They won’t say “thanks for that Tuesday afternoon when you let me cry about my broken stick collection” or “I appreciate how you always paused before reacting to my tantrums.” But those moments? They matter more than we realize.
After years of navigating this beautiful chaos (and talking with other parents who share the same worries), I’ve noticed some signs that show you were—and are—a better parent than you might think.
1. Your kids feel safe expressing their emotions around you
Remember when your child had that complete meltdown over something seemingly ridiculous? Maybe it was about the wrong color cup or a broken crayon. If they felt comfortable enough to fall apart in front of you, that’s actually a win.
When my youngest loses it over his tower of blocks tumbling down, and he runs to me for comfort instead of hiding his tears, I know we’ve built something important. Kids who feel safe showing their full emotional range—the good, the bad, and the really messy—have parents who created that safety net.
You might not get thanked for being their emotional landing pad, but if they’re bringing their feelings to you instead of bottling them up, you did something right.
2. They come to you with their problems (even the embarrassing ones)
Does your child tell you when they’ve made a mistake? When they’re scared? When something weird happened at school? That’s gold right there.
Trust doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. If your kids are sharing their problems with you—especially the ones that make them look bad—it means you’ve responded to their previous confessions with grace instead of immediate judgment.
Every time I tell my daughter “tell me more” when she admits to doing something wrong, I’m building that bridge of trust, brick by brick.
3. They play out caring behaviors with their toys
Ever catch your child tucking in their stuffed animals and telling them “nothing you do will make me love you less”? (Yes, I may have teared up when I overheard that one at bedtime.)
Or maybe they’re patiently teaching their dolls how to share or comforting a toy that’s “scared”?
Children mirror what they experience. When they play out nurturing scenarios, they’re showing you what they’ve absorbed from your parenting. They might never tell you they noticed your patience or your gentle words, but their play tells the real story.
4. They have their own opinions (and aren’t afraid to share them)
Is your house filled with “But why?” and “I don’t think that’s fair” and “Can I do it differently?” Congratulations—you’re raising a child who thinks for themselves.
It might drive you up the wall when your five-year-old debates every single decision, but that confidence to speak up? That comes from knowing their voice matters.
You created an environment where disagreement doesn’t equal disrespect, where questions are welcome, where their thoughts have value.
5. They show empathy toward others
Watch your child on the playground. Do they notice when another kid is sad? Do they share their snacks without being prompted? Do they include the child who’s standing alone?
My daughter recently gave her favorite leaf from her collection to a crying friend at the park. Nobody taught her that specific action—but somewhere along the way, she learned that kindness matters. If your kids are showing compassion, it’s because they’ve received it. Consistently.
6. They know how to occupy themselves
Can your child entertain themselves for stretches of time? Not with screens, but with imagination, books, or creative play?
When I watch my son turn couch cushions into an elaborate fort system, completely absorbed in his own world, I see a child who’s been given space to explore independently. Parents who hover and entertain constantly don’t raise kids who can self-soothe and self-entertain. If your child can find joy in simple things, you gave them that gift.
7. They try new things (even when they’re scared)
Does your child attempt challenges even when success isn’t guaranteed? Whether it’s trying a new food, attempting the monkey bars, or joining a new activity?
Courage doesn’t mean absence of fear—it means moving forward despite it. Kids who take healthy risks have parents who’ve made failure safe. You’ve shown them that trying and failing is better than never trying at all. They might not articulate this, but their willingness to try speaks volumes about the security you’ve provided.
8. They have healthy boundaries
Can your child say no when they’re uncomfortable? Do they speak up when someone crosses a line? Do they know it’s okay to need space?
This one’s huge. Kids who can advocate for themselves have parents who respected their boundaries first. Every time you honored their “no more tickles” or “I need quiet time,” you taught them their boundaries matter. That’s a lesson that will protect them their whole lives.
9. They can apologize (and mean it)
Real apologies—not the forced “sorry” through gritted teeth, but genuine acknowledgment of hurt caused—that’s learned behavior.
If your child can recognize when they’ve hurt someone and attempt to make it right, you’ve modeled accountability. You’ve probably apologized to them when you’ve messed up (because we all do). You’ve shown them that everyone makes mistakes and that repairing relationships matters more than being right.
10. They still seek your comfort when the world gets tough
Even as they grow more independent, do they still come to you when life gets overwhelming? That’s not dependence—that’s trust.
The child who brings you their broken treasures to fix, their scraped knees to kiss, their broken hearts to heal—they’re showing you that you’re their safe harbor. You might feel like you don’t have all the answers (I certainly don’t), but to them, your presence is the answer.
The truth about recognition
Here’s what I’ve learned: kids won’t thank you for most of what you do. They won’t remember the nights you stayed up worrying about their fever, the times you bit your tongue instead of yelling, or the sacrifices you made to give them opportunities.
But they’ll carry the security you gave them. They’ll pass on the kindness you showed them. They’ll raise their own children with the patience you demonstrated. The evidence of good parenting isn’t in the thank-you notes you receive—it’s in the humans your children become.
So tonight, after I tuck my little ones in and whisper “nothing you do will make me love you less,” I’ll try to remember that good parenting often goes unrecognized but never goes unfelt. And maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
