Remember when our parents made us walk to school in the rain? Or when they let us figure out our own arguments with siblings instead of jumping in as referees? Back then, we might have thought they were being unfair or even neglectful.
But sitting here at sixty-something, watching my own adult sons navigate parenthood, I’ve come to realize something profound: those boomer parents knew exactly what they were doing.
Last week, my eldest son called me, frustrated that his mother and I had “made” him get a job at sixteen instead of giving him spending money like his friends’ parents did.
Now, watching him teach his own kids about earning their allowance, he finally gets it. That conversation got me thinking about all the things our generation of parents did that seemed harsh at the time but were actually laying foundations for resilience and independence.
If you’re in your thirties, forties, or even fifties, you might still be unpacking some of these lessons. And that’s okay. Sometimes wisdom takes decades to reveal itself.
1. They let us fail spectacularly
Your boomer parents probably watched you bomb that science project you started the night before it was due. They saw it coming, warned you once, then let you face the music. At the time, it felt like they didn’t care. But they were teaching you that actions have consequences, and nobody was going to save you from yourself in the real world.
This hands-off approach to failure wasn’t cruel; it was preparation. They knew that experiencing failure in the safety of childhood was far better than first encountering it as an adult when the stakes were higher.
2. They didn’t negotiate with tantrums
“Because I said so” might be the most hated phrase from our childhoods, but there was method to that madness. Boomer parents understood that not everything in life is up for debate. Sometimes you just have to accept authority and move on.
My wife Linda and I used this approach with our boys, and they hated it. But now they tell me it taught them to pick their battles wisely and recognize when discussion is productive versus when it’s just whining.
3. They made us wait for things
Want that new bike? Save your birthday and Christmas money. Dying for those designer jeans? Get a paper route.
Boomer parents weren’t being cheap; they were teaching delayed gratification before psychologists had a fancy name for it.
In today’s world of instant everything, this lesson feels almost revolutionary. But knowing how to wait, save, and work for what you want? That’s a superpower in adulthood.
4. They enforced real consequences
Remember being grounded and it actually meaning something? No sneaking your phone into your room (because phones were attached to walls), no Netflix to pass the time, just you and your thoughts. When boomer parents delivered a consequence, you felt it.
This wasn’t about being harsh. It was about making sure lessons stuck. One of my sons recently admitted that being grounded for two weeks after breaking curfew taught him more about respect and trust than any lecture ever could have.
5. They didn’t entertain us constantly
“I’m bored” was met with “Go find something to do” or worse, a list of chores. Our parents weren’t our entertainment directors. They had their own lives, their own interests, and they expected us to develop ours.
This forced independence bred creativity. We learned to make our own fun, solve our own boredom, and develop hobbies that weren’t curated by adults.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this kind of self-direction is increasingly rare but incredibly valuable.
6. They stayed together through tough times
Now, I’m not saying everyone should stay in unhappy marriages. But many boomer parents worked through difficulties that today might end in quick divorces.
My own parents went through rough patches that seemed insurmountable, yet they found ways to reconnect.
Watching them taught us that relationships require work, compromise, and sometimes just stubborn determination. Not every problem needs to end in separation; sometimes the best lessons come from working through the mess together.
7. They set non-negotiable family obligations
Sunday dinner wasn’t optional. Neither was visiting grandma or attending your cousin’s graduation. Boomer parents understood that family bonds require regular maintenance, even when it’s inconvenient.
Those forced family gatherings we complained about? They built the relationships that now sustain us through job losses, divorces, and health scares.
They taught us that showing up for family isn’t about wanting to be there; it’s about being there because that’s what family does.
8. They didn’t shield us from adult realities
When money was tight, we knew it. When grandpa was sick, we visited the hospital. Boomer parents didn’t create elaborate facades to protect us from life’s harsh realities. They let us see that life included struggle, loss, and uncertainty.
This transparency, which might seem harsh by today’s standards, actually prepared us for our own adult challenges. We learned that difficult times are survivable because we’d seen our parents survive them.
9. They valued education but didn’t do our homework
Your boomer parents probably checked if you did your homework but didn’t check if you did it right. That was between you and your teacher. They supported education without micromanaging it.
This approach taught personal responsibility and the direct connection between effort and outcome. Nobody was going to do the work for us in college or careers, and we learned that early.
10. They taught practical life skills
Before you could drive, you could check the oil. Before you moved out, you could cook a basic meal, do laundry, and balance a checkbook. Boomer parents assumed teaching life skills was part of their job description.
These weren’t just chores; they were independence training. Every practical skill they taught us was one less thing we’d struggle with as adults.
11. They let us be kids
Perhaps most importantly, boomer parents let childhood be childhood. We weren’t scheduled every minute, didn’t have curated social media presences, and weren’t treated like small adults with big opinions on family decisions.
We played until streetlights came on, settled our own disputes, and learned social dynamics through trial and error, not through adult intervention. That freedom to just be kids, without constant supervision or structured activities, gave us space to develop our own identities.
Closing thoughts
Looking back now, from the perspective of a grandfather watching the next generation navigate parenthood, I see the genius in what seemed like benign neglect or old-fashioned strictness. Those boomer parents were playing a long game we couldn’t see from our limited vantage point.
The question is: are we brave enough to apply these same principles with our own kids and grandkids, even when it goes against current parenting trends?
