Remember those summer days when your kids disappeared after breakfast and didn’t come back until the streetlights came on? I was thinking about this the other day while watching my little ones play in our backyard. They were building a fort out of old cardboard boxes, completely absorbed in their imaginary world, and it hit me: the way we grew up in the 80s and 90s accidentally taught us so much about resilience and independence.
My own childhood in our small Midwest town was nothing like the carefully scheduled, supervised playdates my kids sometimes have. We learned by doing, failing, figuring things out. And if you raised kids during those decades, you probably passed on these same life skills without even realizing you were doing it.
Looking back now, I see how different things were. Not better or worse necessarily, just different. But there were some genuine gifts hidden in that less structured, more hands-off approach that many of us took for granted.
1. How to entertain themselves without screens
“I’m bored” was basically a death sentence in our house growing up. My mother would look at us like we’d just announced we wanted to paint the cat purple. Boredom meant you got handed a chore or sent outside to “find something to do.”
And we did find things to do. We built elaborate worlds with sticks and rocks. We made up games with rules so complex we’d forget them halfway through. We read books under blankets with flashlights until our batteries died.
If you raised kids back then, you probably did the same thing without thinking twice about it. When your kids complained about having nothing to do, you didn’t hand them a tablet or turn on a video. You told them to go play. And somehow, miraculously, they figured it out.
This taught them creativity, problem-solving, and the ability to generate their own fun. They learned that entertainment didn’t have to come from outside sources.
2. The art of making do with what you have
Growing up, we didn’t have much money, but my mother was a magician at stretching what we had. Torn clothes became patches on other clothes. Empty containers became storage. Everything had at least three lives before it hit the trash.
When I think about parents raising kids in those decades, this was just normal life. Your kids wanted the latest toy? They could save up their allowance or birthday money. Something broke? You fixed it together instead of immediately replacing it.
Kids learned to value what they had and get creative with limited resources. They discovered that wanting something and needing something were very different things.
3. How to resolve conflicts without adult intervention
Remember when kids sorted out their own playground disputes? Unless someone was bleeding or crying hysterically, adults stayed out of it. We had to figure out how to share, take turns, and compromise all on our own.
As parents in the 80s and 90s, most of us continued this hands-off approach to minor conflicts. When siblings fought over the TV remote or friends argued about game rules, we let them work it out. “Figure it out yourselves” was practically a parenting mantra.
This built negotiation skills, emotional regulation, and the understanding that not every problem required an adult solution.
4. Basic safety awareness and common sense
“Look both ways before crossing the street.” “Don’t talk to strangers.” “Be home before dark.” These simple rules were pretty much the extent of our safety training, and somehow we survived.
Kids who grew up then learned to assess situations for themselves. Is this tree too high to climb? Should I pet that dog? Can I make it across the creek on those rocks? They developed an internal compass for danger that came from experience, not from constant warnings about every possible hazard.
5. The value of hard work and contribution
Chores weren’t optional in most households back then. Everyone contributed because that’s just how families worked. You didn’t get paid for making your bed or setting the table. That was just part of being in the family.
My sister and I had our regular jobs, and we did them because they needed doing. No sticker charts, no elaborate reward systems. Just the understanding that everyone pulls their weight.
Kids learned that work wasn’t something to avoid but a normal part of life. They understood that their contribution mattered to the family’s functioning.
6. Patience and the ability to wait
Want to watch your favorite show? Wait until Thursday at 8 PM. Want to know how the story ends? Wait for the next book to come out next year. Want to tell your friend something? Wait until you see them at school tomorrow.
Everything required waiting back then. There was no instant streaming, no immediate answers from Google, no instant messaging. If you raised kids during this time, you taught them patience just by existing in that world with them.
They learned that anticipation could be enjoyable, that not everything needed to happen right now, and that waiting wouldn’t kill them.
7. How to be comfortable with quiet and solitude
Long car rides without DVDs players. Rainy afternoons without video games. Sunday mornings without cartoons. Kids had to learn to be comfortable with quiet, with their own thoughts, with stillness.
Parents didn’t feel obligated to fill every moment with stimulation or activities. Sometimes kids just sat. They daydreamed. They watched clouds. They learned to be comfortable in their own company without constant entertainment.
8. Real-world navigation and problem-solving
Getting lost meant pulling over to look at a map or asking for directions. Missing the bus meant figuring out an alternative. Forgetting lunch money meant negotiating with friends or going without.
These small challenges taught kids to think on their feet and solve problems independently. They learned that mistakes weren’t catastrophes but puzzles to solve.
9. The importance of face-to-face connection
Friendships were maintained through actual presence. You showed up at someone’s house to see if they could play. You talked on the phone that was attached to the wall while your family listened to your half of the conversation. You passed notes in class.
Relationships required effort and intention. You couldn’t hide behind a screen or carefully curate your image. You had to show up as yourself, awkwardness and all.
Looking back to move forward
I’m not suggesting we need to recreate the 80s and 90s for our kids today. The world has changed, and many of those changes are positive. But recognizing these skills we accidentally taught can help us be more intentional about what we’re passing on now.
Sometimes I catch myself over-scheduling, over-protecting, over-providing for my own kids. Then I remember those long, unstructured days of my childhood, the problems I solved on my own, the creativity born from boredom.
Maybe the greatest gift we gave kids back then was the space to figure things out for themselves. We trusted them to be capable, and so they were. We expected them to contribute, and so they did. We let them experience natural consequences, and so they learned.
These weren’t conscious parenting strategies. They were just life. But perhaps that’s what made them so effective. They were authentic, necessary, and grounded in the reality of daily living rather than parenting theory.
As we navigate raising kids in today’s very different world, it’s worth remembering these accidental lessons. Not everything needs to be optimized, scheduled, or supervised. Sometimes the best thing we can do is step back and let our kids surprise us with their capability, just like we surprised our parents all those years ago.
