Have you ever found yourself lying awake at night, scrolling through photos of your kids from just six months ago and wondering where the time went? I did this last week, and it hit me like a ton of bricks—my youngest is already two, and I can barely remember his first steps because I was so busy worrying about whether he was hitting all the “right” milestones.
That night sparked some serious reflection about what really matters. After transitioning from teaching to writing about parenting, I’ve had countless conversations with parents who share the same fear: that we’ll look back and realize we missed what actually mattered while focusing on things that didn’t.
The truth is, we’re all doing our best. But sometimes our best intentions lead us down paths that create distance instead of connection. Here are nine things I’ve learned to stop doing—some through my own mistakes, others through watching families I’ve worked with struggle unnecessarily.
1. Stop comparing your kids to others
You know that sinking feeling when another parent casually mentions their three-year-old is already reading? Or when you see a perfectly curated Instagram post of someone’s child eating quinoa salad while yours survives on buttered pasta?
Comparison steals joy faster than anything else. Every single child develops at their own pace, has their own strengths, and faces their own challenges. When we constantly measure our kids against others, we miss seeing who they actually are.
My five-year-old still struggles with certain letters, while her friend reads chapter books. But she can identify every plant in our garden and remembers details from conversations months ago. Which skill is more valuable? Neither. They’re just different.
Instead of comparing, try celebrating the unique person your child is becoming. Notice what lights them up, what comes naturally to them, what makes them laugh until their belly hurts.
2. Stop saying “hurry up” constantly
This one stings because I catch myself doing it all the time. “Hurry up, we’re late!” “Quick, get your shoes!” “Come on, we need to go!”
Kids operate on a different timeline than adults. They stop to examine every rock, need to jump in that puddle, and take forever to eat because they’re busy making their sandwich talk. When we rush them through everything, we’re essentially telling them their pace—their way of experiencing the world—is wrong.
What would happen if we built in extra time instead? If we expected the shoe-putting-on process to take ten minutes instead of two? Yes, sometimes we genuinely need to hurry. But most of the time? The world won’t end if we’re five minutes late to the playground.
3. Stop fixing everything for them
When my daughter comes to me frustrated because her tower keeps falling down, every fiber of my being wants to swoop in and build it for her. When she’s struggling with a zipper, it would be so much faster to just zip it myself.
But here’s what I’ve learned: when we constantly rescue our kids from frustration, we rob them of the satisfaction that comes from figuring things out. That moment when they finally get the zipper up themselves? Pure magic. The pride on their face is worth every extra minute it took.
Let them struggle a bit. Offer encouragement instead of solutions. Say things like “You’re working so hard on that” or “What if you tried it another way?” Rather than jumping in immediately, wait. Count to ten. Often, they’ll surprise you.
4. Stop dismissing their feelings
“You’re fine.” “That’s not a big deal.” “There’s nothing to be scared of.”
How many times have these phrases slipped out when our kids are upset about something that seems minor to us? But to them, that broken crayon or scary shadow is genuinely distressing.
When we minimize their feelings, we teach them not to trust their own emotional experiences. We also miss opportunities to help them build emotional intelligence and coping skills.
Try this instead: acknowledge what they’re feeling first. “You’re really upset about that broken crayon. That must be frustrating.” You don’t have to fix it or agree that it’s worth the tears. Just let them know their feelings are valid. It’s amazing how quickly kids can move through emotions when they feel heard.
5. Stop filling every moment with activities
Between music class, swimming lessons, playdates, and educational apps, when do kids get to just… be kids? When do they get to be bored enough to create their own fun?
I used to panic at the thought of an empty afternoon. Now some of our best memories come from those unscheduled times when my kids invented a game using couch cushions or spent an hour watching ants carry crumbs.
Boredom isn’t something to fix—it’s where creativity is born. It’s where kids learn to entertain themselves, to daydream, to process their thoughts. Give them space to fill their own time. You might be amazed at what emerges.
6. Stop making everything a teaching moment
Former teacher confession: I used to turn everything into a lesson. Counting stairs, identifying colors constantly, quizzing about shapes during snack time. While learning through play is wonderful, sometimes a walk should just be a walk.
Kids need space to experience things without the pressure of performing or proving they’ve learned something. They need conversations that meander nowhere in particular. They need silly moments that serve no educational purpose whatsoever.
Connection over perfection, remember? Sometimes the most important thing you can teach is that being together is enough.
7. Stop avoiding difficult conversations
Whether it’s about death, divorce, or why some people are mean, our instinct is often to shield kids from hard truths. But kids are incredibly perceptive—they know when something’s wrong, and not talking about it often makes things scarier.
Age-appropriate honesty builds trust. It shows them they can come to you with big feelings and tough questions. It also helps them develop resilience and understanding of the world around them.
You don’t need perfect answers. “I don’t know, but we can figure it out together” is perfectly valid. What matters is keeping the door open for these conversations.
8. Stop sacrificing your own needs completely
This might sound counterintuitive in an article about avoiding parenting regrets, but hear me out. When we never take time for ourselves, we model unhealthy behavior and often end up resentful or burnt out.
Your kids need to see you as a whole person with interests, friendships, and needs. They need to learn that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Take that walk alone sometimes. Read that book. Meet your friend for coffee. You’ll come back refreshed and more present. Plus, you’re teaching your kids that self-care matters.
9. Stop waiting for the “right time” to make memories
“When they’re older, we’ll travel.” “Once things calm down, we’ll have more family dinners.” “Next summer, we’ll definitely camp in the backyard.”
But here’s the thing: there’s never a perfect time. Life is happening right now, in the messy middle of everything. The memories that stick aren’t always the planned ones—they’re Tuesday night dance parties in the kitchen and Saturday morning pancake faces.
Start now. Have that picnic on the living room floor. Stay up late to watch the stars. Say yes to puddle jumping even though you just did laundry. These moments are the threads that weave the fabric of childhood.
Final thoughts
Perfect parenting doesn’t exist, and that’s actually good news. Our kids don’t need perfect—they need present. They need us to see them, really see them, for who they are right now, not who we think they should be or who they might become.
Every day offers a chance to choose connection over control, presence over perfection. Some days we’ll nail it. Others, we’ll fall back into old patterns. That’s okay. What matters is that we keep trying, keep showing up, keep choosing love over fear.
The days are long, but as every parent knows, the years are incredibly short. Let’s make sure that when we look back, we remember the laughter more than the logistics, the cuddles more than the conflicts, and most importantly, that we were truly there for the journey.
