If you’ve ever found yourself torn between the way you were raised and the gentle parenting approach that feels right for your own kids, you’re not alone.
Growing up in a small Midwest town with traditional parents, I heard certain phrases on repeat that would probably make today’s parenting experts cringe.
Yet somehow, those same words that seemed harsh at the time shaped a generation that knew how to persevere, take responsibility, and find their own way in the world.
My parents were doing what their parents did, passing down wisdom wrapped in tough love.
While I parent my two little ones very differently today, I can’t help but recognize that those old-school phrases did build something important: Character.
1) “Life isn’t fair.”
Remember complaining about something being unfair and getting this response? My younger sister and I must have heard this a hundred times when our older brother got privileges we didn’t have yet.
It felt dismissive back then, especially when all you wanted was someone to validate your feelings about that bigger slice of cake or later bedtime.
But here’s what it taught us: The world doesn’t owe you equal outcomes.
Sometimes you work harder and still come up short, or the other person gets the promotion, the recognition, or the lucky break.
Kids who heard this phrase learned early that whining about fairness wouldn’t change reality.
You had to work with what you got.
These days, when my five-year-old complains that something isn’t fair, I validate her feelings first.
But I also gently introduce the idea that equal doesn’t always mean fair, and fair doesn’t always mean equal.
It’s a softer approach, but the core lesson remains.
2) “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
The threat behind it was real in many households, mine included.
Fear was definitely part of the discipline toolkit back then, and I’ve chosen a completely different path with my own children.
Yet kids who heard this learned to regulate their emotions quickly; we developed a thick skin and the ability to pull ourselves together when needed.
Was it ideal? Absolutely not.
Did it create some emotional baggage? For sure, but it also created a generation that could face adversity without falling apart.
The difference now? I teach my kids that all feelings are valid while also helping them learn when and how to express them appropriately.
Same goal, gentler method.
3) “Because I said so!”
Just pure parental authority.
My father, who worked long hours and came home exhausted, used this phrase like punctuation.
It shut down any argument instantly.
What did this teach? That sometimes you follow rules even when you don’t understand them, that authority figures make decisions you might not like, and that questioning everything isn’t always possible or practical.
Do I use this with my kids? Rarely, I try to explain the why behind rules.
But you know what? Sometimes, when my two-year-old is about to touch something dangerous and there’s no time for a lengthy explanation, a firm “No, because I said so” still has its place.
4) “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
Every single time we asked for something at the store.
We didn’t have much money growing up, but we always had our garden and homemade meals.
This phrase was a constant reminder that everything had a cost.
Kids who heard this understood scarcity.
We learned to save up for things we wanted, to take care of what we had, and to distinguish between needs and wants, and we learned that our parents worked hard for every dollar.
My kids are growing up with more material comfort than I had, but they still need to understand value.
Instead of the money tree phrase, I might say, “That’s not in our budget right now,” or “Let’s save up for that together.”
The lesson about mindful consumption remains crucial.
5) “You’re not made of glass.”
Scraped knee? Minor bump? This was the response.
Unless you were actually bleeding significantly or had a visible bone break, you were expected to shake it off and keep playing.
This built physical and emotional resilience.
We learned that minor discomforts weren’t emergencies, and we developed the ability to assess our own injuries and decide whether they truly needed attention or could be walked off.
With my own kids, I offer comfort first.
However, I also encourage them to be brave, to try again, to see that they’re stronger than they think.
The balance between acknowledging pain and building resilience is delicate, but both elements matter.
6) “If you’re bored, I’ll find you something to do.”
And that “something” was always chores.
This phrase turned boredom from a complaint into a danger zone.
You learned quickly to entertain yourself rather than risk being assigned to clean the bathroom or weed the garden.
Yet, here’s the genius of it: We became self-sufficient in our entertainment, and learned that boredom was our problem to solve, not our parents’ job to fix.
My kids hear a gentler version: “What could you create or explore?”, but the underlying message persists.
Boredom is an opportunity for creativity.
7) “Wait until your father gets home!”
This phrase hung over misbehaving kids like a storm cloud.
It meant you’d crossed a line, and consequences were coming.
My mother used it sparingly, which made it all the more effective.
While I’d never want my kids to fear their dad coming home, this phrase did teach delayed consequences and accountability.
It showed that parents were a united front, that actions had repercussions beyond the immediate moment.
My husband and I handle discipline together in the moment when possible, but the concept of parental unity and consistent consequences? That remains essential.
8) “Children should be seen and not heard.”
At adult gatherings, this was law.
We sat quietly while grown-ups talked, speaking only when spoken to.
It felt stifling, especially for a middle child trying to find her voice.
However, it taught us to listen, observe, and read social cues and understand when our input was welcome.
We learned patience and the art of waiting our turn.
My approach now? I encourage my kids to express themselves while also teaching them about appropriate times and places.
They know that sometimes we need to use our “quiet voices” or our “listening ears,” but they’re never made to feel that their thoughts don’t matter.
Final thoughts
Looking back, those phrases from the 60s and 70s were far from perfect.
Some were harsh, some were dismissive, and many could use serious updating for today’s world.
They built a generation that could handle disappointment, work through problems independently, and persevere through challenges.
As I raise my own kids with more gentleness and explanation than I received, I’m trying to preserve those character-building lessons while ditching the harshness.
Maybe that’s the real wisdom: taking what worked from our upbringing, leaving what didn’t, and finding that sweet spot where resilience meets compassion.
Our kids still need to develop character and grit, we just don’t have to use the exact same phrases to get them there.
