Language ages, just like fashion. What sounded normal in the 1970s or 80s can sound outdated—or even offensive—today. It’s not that boomers mean harm.
Most of these phrases are habits picked up over decades. But younger people often hear them as dismissive, judgmental, or tone-deaf.
As a millennial dad, I bump into this all the time. At family dinners, in work meetings, even during casual chats with neighbors—some phrases just don’t land the way they used to.
The good news is, with a little awareness, conversations can feel a lot more respectful and connected.
Here are eight common phrases that often make younger people cringe, and what you might say instead.
1) “Back in my day…”
This one usually sets off alarms for younger folks. It signals that what’s about to follow is a lecture about how things were “better” in the past.
Even if the story is harmless, the opening line can sound dismissive.
Picture a college student talking about tuition debt. A boomer might say, “Back in my day, I paid for school by working part-time.”
The problem? Tuition costs have skyrocketed, and the comparison feels unfair.
A better approach is to tell the same story without the condescending preface.
Instead of “Back in my day,” try: “When I was in school, I worked part-time to cover costs. I know it’s tougher now with how much tuition has gone up—how are you managing?”
That shows empathy and opens a conversation instead of shutting one down.
2) “Because I said so”
This phrase is the classic parent power move. But outside of parenting toddlers, it doesn’t fly.
Younger generations are used to asking why and expect explanations from bosses, teachers, and even parents once they’re older.
At work, a manager saying “Because I said so” comes across as dismissive and authoritarian. At home, it can create distance instead of trust.
You don’t have to justify every single choice, but giving context goes a long way. Try: “Here’s the decision I’m making and why. I know it’s not perfect, but this is the tradeoff.”
It still establishes authority but shows respect for the other person’s intelligence.
3) “Kids these days…”
Every generation has used this phrase. The irony is, the complaints rarely change. Today it might be about screen time, TikTok dances, or “quiet quitting.”
Forty years ago, it was MTV, video games, and ripped jeans.
The issue isn’t that boomers notice differences. It’s that the phrase makes younger people feel judged as a whole group.
It brushes aside their very real struggles: student debt, housing prices, climate anxiety, or navigating life in a digital world.
Instead of rolling eyes with “Kids these days,” try curiosity: “I didn’t grow up with social media. What’s it like having that much online pressure?”
That simple shift shows interest instead of contempt. And you might learn something surprising.
4) “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”
This phrase sounds practical, but it often blocks innovation. Just because something works doesn’t mean it can’t be improved. Younger people see this as resistance to change.
Take technology. I once suggested moving family photos to a cloud drive so everyone could access them easily. My dad responded, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I’ve got them on my computer.”
The problem is, no one else could see them, and if his computer failed, they’d be gone.
Instead, you can acknowledge what works while leaving space for improvement: “This system works well. Do you see a way to make it even smoother?”
That approach keeps tradition intact but doesn’t slam the door on progress.
5) “Money doesn’t grow on trees”
This one usually comes from a good place—trying to teach the value of money. But for younger adults, it often feels unnecessary and patronizing.
They already know money is tight. Many are juggling student loans, high rent, and rising childcare costs.
When my younger cousin mentioned wanting a vacation, an older relative jumped in with, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
The problem is, it shut down the conversation instead of supporting him in thinking through priorities.
A better way is to invite collaboration: “Vacations can be expensive. What’s most important to you? Maybe we can brainstorm a budget-friendly way to make it happen.”
That honors financial reality without sounding scolding.
6) “When I was your age…”
This phrase is similar to “Back in my day” but with a competitive edge. It usually carries a hidden comparison: “I achieved more, worked harder, or owned more than you do now.”
For example: “When I was your age, I already had a house.” With today’s housing market, that kind of statement can feel like rubbing salt in the wound.
If the goal is to share wisdom, skip the age marker. Say: “Early in my career, I took a job I didn’t love, but it taught me resilience. Here’s what I learned.”
Now you’re passing on experience without making it a competition.
7) “That’s just the way it is”
This one shuts down dialogue completely. It suggests the situation can’t change—even if it could. Younger people hear it as unwillingness to adapt or problem-solve.
Take workplace flexibility. Before the pandemic, remote work requests often got the response: “That’s just the way it is.” But we now know many jobs can be done from home.
That phrase aged quickly.
Instead, you can still acknowledge limits without ending the discussion.
Try: “Here’s how it works now. Let’s see if there’s any room to adjust.” It keeps boundaries while showing openness.
8) “Respect your elders”
Respect matters. But demanding it based only on age doesn’t sit well with younger people. Respect is strongest when it’s earned—through listening, adapting, and treating others well.
When boomers lean on “Respect your elders,” it can feel like a way to shut down disagreement. Younger people want conversations where both sides are heard.
A more effective approach is to model the respect you want. Say: “Here’s the boundary I need to set, and here’s why. I’d like your input on how to make it work fairly.”
That invites dialogue while keeping authority.
Why these phrases miss the mark
Most of these phrases fail because they send the wrong signal.
They imply the past was better than the present, that authority shouldn’t be questioned, that today’s struggles don’t measure up, or that change isn’t worth trying.
But younger people are living with challenges boomers never faced—sky-high costs of living, constant online exposure, and rapidly shifting workplaces.
What they want in conversations isn’t perfection, just recognition and mutual respect.
Better alternatives
Here are quick swaps that work better:
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“Back in my day…” → “Things were different when I was younger. How do you handle it now?”
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“Because I said so.” → “Here’s my call and why I made it.”
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“Kids these days…” → “What feels hardest about being your age right now?”
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“If it ain’t broke…” → “This works—do you see a way to improve it?”
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“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” → “Let’s look at the budget and set priorities.”
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“When I was your age…” → Share the story without the age comparison.
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“That’s just the way it is.” → “Here’s how it works now—any ideas to adjust?”
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“Respect your elders.” → “Here’s my boundary and why. Let’s make it feel fair.”
Final thoughts
Boomers aren’t wrong to want to share their experiences. Many of these phrases come from wisdom, not malice. But the way they’re delivered matters.
To younger people, these lines often feel like conversation stoppers rather than bridges.
With a few small shifts—adding empathy, explaining reasons, and inviting dialogue—those same conversations can become opportunities to connect across generations.
So next time one of these phrases rises to the tip of your tongue, pause and ask: How can I say this in a way that builds respect both ways?
That single shift can turn a cringe into a connection.
