I remember the exact moment I realized we needed a plan.
Elise was three, sitting next to me on the couch, and she reached for my phone with the confidence of someone who’d done it a hundred times before. Because she had. I’d been handing it over at restaurants, in waiting rooms, during those desperate moments when I just needed five minutes.
And suddenly I thought: what happens when she’s eight? Twelve? Sixteen?
The truth is, most of us are making up smartphone rules as we go. We react instead of plan. We say yes when we’re tired and no when we’re frustrated, and our kids have no idea what to expect.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the families who navigate screens with the least amount of drama are the ones who established clear expectations early. Not rigid control, but thoughtful boundaries that everyone understands.
These seven non-negotiables aren’t about being the strict parent. They’re about building a foundation that makes everything else easier.
1) Screens stay in shared spaces
This one sounds simple, but it’s the bedrock of everything else.
When phones and tablets live in common areas of the house, you remove so much of the secrecy and isolation that makes screen time problematic.
Kids aren’t hiding in their rooms scrolling through content you’ve never seen. They’re on the couch, at the kitchen table, somewhere you can glance over and stay loosely connected to what they’re doing.
I know the pushback here. What about privacy? What about trust? And yes, those matter, especially as kids get older. But privacy doesn’t mean unlimited unsupervised access to the internet.
As the American Academy of Pediatrics has noted, keeping screens in common areas helps parents stay engaged with their child’s media use without hovering. It’s not surveillance. It’s presence.
For younger kids, this is easy to establish. For older kids and teens, it might require some negotiation. But the principle holds: devices in shared spaces create natural accountability.
And honestly? It makes conversations about what they’re watching or playing happen more organically. You’re not interrogating them. You’re just… there.
2) No phones during meals
Meals are one of the few times during the day when everyone stops moving.
When Camille and I are both home for dinner, those twenty or thirty minutes at the table are sometimes the only stretch where we’re all fully present together. Phones at the table fracture that. Someone’s always half-listening, half-scrolling, and the connection suffers.
This rule applies to everyone, adults included. I can’t tell Elise to put her tablet away if I’m checking work emails between bites. Kids notice hypocrisy faster than we’d like to admit. So our phones go on the counter, face down, and they stay there until the meal is done. It felt awkward at first. Now it just feels normal.
The research backs this up too. Family meals without screens are linked to better communication, healthier eating habits, and stronger relationships. But beyond the data, there’s something qualitative here that matters.
When you’re not competing with a device for your kid’s attention, you actually get to hear about their day. The weird thing that happened at preschool. The song they can’t stop singing. The small stuff that builds connection over time.
3) Establish a hard stop before bed
Sleep is sacred in our house, mostly because we’ve seen what happens when it falls apart.
Julien’s still in that unpredictable baby sleep phase, so we protect Elise’s bedtime like it’s a national treasure. And one of the clearest ways to do that is keeping screens out of the hour before bed.
The blue light issue is real. Screens suppress melatonin production, making it harder for kids to fall asleep and stay asleep. But beyond the biology, there’s a mental activation that happens with screens.
Games, videos, even educational apps get the brain buzzing in a way that doesn’t wind down easily. As sleep researcher Dr. Lisa Meltzer has explained, the stimulation from screens can delay sleep onset and reduce overall sleep quality in children.
We aim for no screens after 7 p.m. for Elise, which gives us a full hour before her bedtime routine starts. That hour is for books, puzzles, bath time, the slow unwinding that helps her body get the message. It took some adjustment, but now she doesn’t even ask for screens in that window.
The routine has become the expectation.
4) Content matters more than time limits
I used to obsess over minutes. Thirty minutes of screen time felt virtuous. An hour felt like failure.
But I’ve come to realize that what kids are doing on screens matters far more than how long they’re doing it. Thirty minutes of passive, ad-filled YouTube rabbit holes is not the same as thirty minutes of a thoughtfully designed app or a video call with grandparents.
This doesn’t mean time limits are useless. They still provide structure, and young kids especially need clear boundaries around duration. But the quality conversation has to come first. What is your child actually consuming? Is it age-appropriate? Is it engaging their brain or just numbing it?
Common Sense Media is a fantastic resource for this. They review apps, games, movies, and shows with detailed breakdowns of content, age-appropriateness, and educational value. Before Elise watches anything new, I usually check there first. It takes two minutes and saves a lot of awkward conversations later.
The goal isn’t to curate every second of their screen experience, but to have a general sense of what’s coming into their world.
5) Model the behavior you want to see
This is the one that stings, because it requires looking at our own habits.
I’ve caught myself scrolling while Elise is trying to show me something. I’ve checked my phone during playtime, during walks, during moments that should have been fully present. And every time I do that, I’m teaching her something about what phones are for and how much attention they deserve.
Kids learn by watching. If they see us constantly tethered to our devices, they internalize that as normal. If they see us putting phones away, making eye contact, being present, they internalize that too. I’m not perfect at this.
Some days work bleeds into home and I’m answering emails when I shouldn’t be. But I try to name it when it happens. “Sorry, I need to finish this one thing, and then my phone is going away.”
The transparency helps. It shows them that even adults have to manage their relationship with screens. That it’s a practice, not a personality trait. And when they see you choosing presence over scrolling, it gives them permission to do the same.
6) Have ongoing conversations, not one-time lectures
The “big talk” approach doesn’t work for screens any more than it works for other complicated topics.
You can’t sit a kid down once, explain the rules, and expect them to internalize everything forever. Their understanding evolves. The technology evolves. The conversations need to keep pace.
With Elise, this looks like small check-ins. What did you watch today? What was your favorite part? Did anything confuse you or seem weird?
These aren’t interrogations. They’re just part of how we talk about her day. And they give me a window into her screen world without making it feel like surveillance.
As kids get older, the conversations shift. You’re talking about social media, online friendships, digital footprints, content that might be upsetting or inappropriate. The foundation you build now, with casual and curious conversations, makes those harder discussions possible later.
Kids who feel like they can talk to you about the small stuff are more likely to come to you with the big stuff.
7) Build in regular screen-free rhythms
This last one is about creating space in your family’s life where screens simply aren’t part of the equation. Not as punishment, but as practice. Regular rhythms where everyone, adults included, steps away from devices and does something else together.
For us, Sunday mornings are screen-free until after lunch. We do breakfast together, go for a walk, play in the yard, read books. It’s become one of my favorite parts of the week. Elise doesn’t even ask for screens during that time anymore because she knows the rhythm. It’s just what Sundays look like.
You might choose different times. Maybe it’s Saturday afternoons, or weekday evenings, or the first hour after school. The specific timing matters less than the consistency.
When screen-free time is predictable and regular, it stops feeling like deprivation and starts feeling like tradition. And traditions are powerful. They shape how kids understand what matters in your family.
Closing thoughts
None of these rules will prevent every screen-related conflict. Kids push boundaries. Technology changes. Life gets messy. But having a clear foundation makes the daily decisions so much easier. You’re not reinventing the wheel every time your child asks for more time or wants to download a new app. You have principles to fall back on.
The goal here isn’t control. It’s clarity. When kids know what to expect, they feel more secure, even if they complain about the limits. And when you’ve thought through your values ahead of time, you can hold boundaries without guilt or second-guessing.
Start with one or two of these if seven feels overwhelming. Build from there. The families who do this well aren’t the ones with perfect systems. They’re the ones who keep showing up, keep adjusting, and keep the conversation going. That’s the real non-negotiable.
