There’s something quietly revolutionary about the Montessori approach. It doesn’t ask you to become a different parent or overhaul your entire home overnight. Instead, it invites you to see your child differently and make small, intentional shifts that honor their growing independence.
What I love most is how practical it all is. These aren’t lofty ideals that crumble the moment real life kicks in. They’re grounded changes that work with the chaos of family life, not against it.
And the results? Parents who embrace these principles often notice their children becoming calmer, more cooperative, and genuinely more confident.
If you’ve been feeling stuck in power struggles or wondering why your little one seems to push back on everything, these nine shifts might be exactly what your family needs.
1) Lower everything to their level
This one sounds almost too simple, but it’s foundational. When children can reach their own clothes, pour their own water, and access their toys without asking for help, something shifts. They stop feeling dependent and start feeling capable.
Think about your kitchen, your entryway, your bathroom. Are there hooks low enough for little hands to hang a jacket? A step stool that lets them wash their hands independently? A small pitcher they can use to serve themselves at meals?
As noted by the American Montessori Society, prepared environments that allow children to do things for themselves are central to building independence and self-discipline. When we remove the constant need to ask permission or wait for help, we also remove a surprising amount of frustration from daily life.
My two-year-old’s entire demeanor changed when we put a low drawer in the kitchen with his own cups and snack bowls. Suddenly he wasn’t whining for water. He was proudly getting it himself.
2) Offer limited choices instead of open-ended questions
“What do you want for breakfast?” seems like a reasonable question. But for a young child, it can feel overwhelming, leading to indecision, meltdowns, or the dreaded “I don’t know” on repeat.
Montessori parents learn to offer two or three specific options instead. “Would you like oatmeal or toast this morning?” gives your child real agency while keeping the decision manageable. It respects their need for autonomy without handing over the reins entirely.
This works beautifully for getting dressed, choosing activities, even navigating tricky social moments. “Do you want to say goodbye with a wave or a high-five?” gives a shy child a way forward without pressure. The key is making sure both options are ones you’re genuinely okay with. That way, whatever they choose, everyone wins.
3) Slow down and allow time for processing
We move fast. We have places to be, meals to make, siblings to wrangle. But children operate on a different timeline, and when we rush them, resistance builds.
One of the most transformative Montessori shifts is simply slowing down. Give your child a moment to process what you’ve asked before repeating yourself. Count to ten silently after making a request. You might be surprised how often they respond, just not at adult speed.
This also means building more buffer time into transitions. If leaving the house is a daily battle, try starting the process ten minutes earlier. Let them put on their own shoes even if it takes three times as long. That extra time investment pays off in cooperation and, eventually, in genuine competence.
When children don’t feel rushed, they’re far more willing to work with us.
4) Use natural consequences instead of punishments
Punishments often feel disconnected from the behavior itself. A child throws a toy and loses screen time. What did one have to do with the other? Natural consequences, on the other hand, make sense to a child’s developing brain.
If they throw a toy, the toy gets put away for the rest of the day. If they refuse to wear a coat, they feel cold outside (within safe limits, of course). If they won’t come to dinner, they miss the meal and feel hungry later. These aren’t punishments delivered with anger. They’re simply the logical results of choices.
Dr. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline, has written extensively about how natural and logical consequences help children learn responsibility without shame. The goal is connection and learning, not control. When we step back and let reality do the teaching, children internalize lessons far more deeply than when we impose arbitrary consequences.
5) Describe what you see instead of offering empty praise
“Good job!” rolls off the tongue so easily. But Montessori philosophy encourages us to be more specific and more honest in our feedback.
Instead of “Good job on that drawing,” try “I see you used a lot of blue and green. Tell me about this part here.” Instead of “You’re such a good helper,” try “You carried all those plates to the sink. That really helped me.”
This kind of descriptive feedback helps children develop intrinsic motivation.
They learn to evaluate their own work rather than constantly seeking external validation. It also opens up conversation. When we describe what we see, children often share the story behind their efforts, and those moments of connection are worth far more than a quick “great job.”
6) Create consistent routines they can count on
Children thrive on predictability. When they know what comes next, they feel secure. When every day is a guessing game, anxiety and resistance tend to follow.
Montessori homes often have simple visual routines, a morning chart with pictures showing the sequence of getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth. Even without a formal chart, consistent rhythms help. Breakfast, then play, then outdoor time. Bath, then books, then bed.
Research from the Zero to Three organization confirms that predictable routines support healthy brain development and help young children feel safe. You don’t need to be rigid about it. Life happens, schedules shift. But having a general flow to your days gives children an anchor, and anchored children are calmer children.
7) Get down on their physical level when speaking
This is one of those changes that feels small but makes an enormous difference. When you need your child’s attention or cooperation, kneel down. Make eye contact. Speak at their level rather than calling instructions from across the room.
It sounds so basic, but think about how often we bark requests while unloading groceries or folding laundry. Children tune that out. When we take a moment to connect physically, to be present in their space, they’re far more likely to actually hear us.
This also works wonders during emotional moments. A tantruming toddler doesn’t need a lecture from above. They need a calm adult at their level, offering presence and safety. Getting low communicates respect. It says, “I see you. I’m with you.” And that connection is often the fastest path through a meltdown.
8) Involve them in real work alongside you
Children want to contribute. They want to feel useful and included in the life of the family. Montessori philosophy leans into this by inviting even very young children to participate in real, meaningful tasks.
This might look like a two-year-old helping to wash vegetables, a four-year-old folding washcloths, or a five-year-old setting the table. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, the results are imperfect. But the pride on their faces is worth every extra minute.
When children are included in household work, they develop practical life skills, fine motor coordination, and a sense of belonging. They also tend to be more cooperative overall because they feel like valued members of the team rather than bystanders being managed.
My daughter started helping with meal prep around age three, and now at five, she genuinely contributes. More importantly, she wants to.
9) Replace “no” with what they can do
“No” is necessary sometimes. But when it becomes the soundtrack of the day, children stop hearing it, or they hear it too well and start to feel constantly corrected.
Montessori parents practice reframing. Instead of “No running inside,” try “Walking feet inside, please.” Instead of “Don’t touch that,” try “That’s fragile. You can touch this one.” Instead of “Stop yelling,” try “Let’s use our indoor voices.”
This isn’t about being permissive or avoiding boundaries. It’s about giving children clear information about what they can do rather than just what they can’t. It’s a subtle shift in language that changes the entire tone of your interactions.
Children respond better to direction than to prohibition. When we tell them what to do, we give them a path forward.
Closing thoughts
None of these changes require a complete lifestyle overhaul. You don’t need special equipment or a perfectly curated playroom. What you need is a willingness to see your child as a capable, developing person who deserves respect and appropriate independence.
Start with one or two shifts that feel manageable. Maybe it’s lowering a hook by the door or practicing descriptive praise for a week. Notice what changes. Adjust as you go.
Parenting is never about perfection. It’s about showing up, paying attention, and being willing to grow alongside our children.
These Montessori-inspired changes have transformed countless families, not because they’re magic, but because they’re rooted in something true: children rise to meet our expectations when we create the conditions for them to succeed.
