A useful routine has to fit the life you actually have. Work changes, children need attention, illness interrupts plans, and some days there is very little energy left.
These eight suggestions offer ways to make a chosen activity easier to return to. They don’t guarantee success, and a missed session says little about your character. Start with something worthwhile and small enough to fit your circumstances.
1. Choose a habit that matters to you
It’s easier to return to something when you know why you’re doing it. Before starting, name what you want the habit to make possible, beyond appearing productive.
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“I want to draw again because I used to love it” or “I want to walk after dinner so I get some time outside” gives you something to come back to on the days it feels like a chore. If you can’t name a reason that matters to you, it may be worth choosing a different habit.
2. Make the starting version manageable
Big plans can be hard to start. A smaller version is often easier to fit into a real day: ten minutes of reading, one drawing, a short walk around the block.
If you want to write more regularly, decide on a small starting task: open the document and write a few sentences. You can continue when you have capacity. Some days that will lead to more. Other days it won’t, and the small version still counts.
3. Attach it to a realistic cue
Deciding exactly when and where you’ll do something can make it easier to follow through. Research on what psychologists call implementation intentions, reviewed by Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran across 94 tests, found that “if-then” plans about when and how to act were linked with better goal attainment. That doesn’t mean a plan guarantees results, but it’s a useful place to start.
A cue only works if it fits your actual schedule. “After lunch on Tuesday, I’ll open my sketchbook” is more useful than a plan to get up at 5 a.m. if early mornings are when the baby wakes. Early rising isn’t a character test.
4. Reduce the preparation
The fewer steps between you and starting, the easier it can be to begin. Keep the materials together and decide where you’ll use them.
That might mean leaving your walking shoes by the door, keeping a box of paints and paper on a shelf you can reach, or saving your book on the bedside table rather than in another room.
5. Agree on protected time where possible
For many parents and caregivers, uninterrupted time isn’t something you can simply decide to have. It often needs arranging.
If you share a home or caring responsibilities, discuss it: “Could you take bath time on Wednesdays so I can have half an hour for my course?” Offer the same in return. If protected time isn’t realistic at the moment, the smaller version from step two may be the one that fits.
6. Notice what helps you return
A simple record can show patterns: which days worked, what got in the way, what made starting easier. A tick on a calendar or a one-line note is enough.
Try to use the record as information rather than another test. “Missed Thursday, too tired after the late shift” is useful. It might tell you Thursday isn’t the right day.
7. Plan for interruptions and rest
Sick children, busy weeks and bad nights happen. Decide in advance what you’ll try on an ordinary day, and what you’ll do when circumstances change. Adjusting a plan can be part of maintaining it.
Missing a day may also matter less than it feels. In a study of habit formation led by Phillippa Lally at University College London, missing one opportunity to perform a new behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process, though there was some evidence that many missed repetitions added up. The researchers also found substantial variation in how quickly behaviors became more automatic, so the study doesn’t provide a deadline for forming a habit.
Rest belongs in the plan too. Sleep isn’t a sacrifice to prove commitment. The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute notes that sleep deficiency can make it harder to pay attention, make decisions and solve problems.
8. Review whether the goal still fits
Every so often, check whether the habit is still doing what you wanted. Your circumstances may have changed, or the activity may no longer serve its purpose.
It’s reasonable to change a habit, shrink it, pause it, or stop it altogether. Choosing to stop something that no longer fits is a decision, not a failure.
Where to start
Choose one activity, one realistic starting point, and one opportunity to try it this week. Afterward, ask what made it easier or harder. Adjust the plan before deciding you need more willpower.