Growing older doesn’t necessarily mean growing wiser.
I’ve met plenty of people in their seventies—boomers especially—who have decades of life experience yet still struggle with the very same emotional habits they had in their twenties.
And you’ve probably noticed it too.
Maybe it’s an uncle who throws a fit at family gatherings, or a parent who still avoids tough conversations.
Emotional maturity isn’t tied to age. It’s tied to growth, self-reflection, and the willingness to change.
So, how do you know when someone never quite got there? Let’s look at some clear signs.
1) They avoid responsibility when things go wrong
We all know someone who points fingers at everyone else but themselves. At seventy, that’s not just a bad habit—it’s a lifelong pattern.
I’ve heard older folks still say things like, “If it weren’t for my boss back then, I would’ve been successful,” or, “It’s not my fault my marriage didn’t work.”
But emotional maturity means owning your choices, not blaming everyone else for how life turned out.
The truth is, circumstances aren’t always fair, but when someone never accepts any responsibility, they rob themselves of the chance to learn.
And by the time they’re in their seventies, the habit is so ingrained it’s hard to undo.
2) They explode over small frustrations
Ever seen a seventy-year-old slam a shopping cart because the line is moving slowly?
Or bark at a waitress over cold soup?
That’s a classic sign of stunted emotional growth.
Mature adults recognize that life is full of minor annoyances. They don’t let every hiccup send them into orbit.
I remember standing in line at the grocery once, with a man in his late sixties grumbling and huffing so loudly the cashier finally told him, “Sir, everyone’s waiting their turn.”
Instead of laughing it off, he stormed out. That kind of emotional reactivity looks the same at seventy as it does at seventeen.
3) They can’t handle criticism
One of the most underrated signs of emotional maturity is being able to hear feedback without spiraling into defensiveness.
But plenty of boomers never developed this skill. Some will cut you off mid-sentence.
Others respond with sarcasm or even counterattack, as if admitting a mistake would shatter their identity.
A mature person knows feedback—even if uncomfortable—can help them grow.
But an emotionally immature seventy-year-old clings to the idea that being wrong makes them weak. Ironically, this just proves the opposite.
4) They still use guilt as a weapon
This one shows up often in family life.
Maybe you’ve heard something like: “I raised you, and this is how you repay me?” or “You never call, so I guess you don’t care.”
Emotional manipulation through guilt is a sure sign of immaturity, no matter the age.
At seventy, it reflects a lack of healthier communication tools—like simply saying, “I’d love to hear from you more.”
I once had a neighbor, well into her seventies, who’d guilt-trip her grown kids constantly.
Instead of creating closeness, it pushed them away. Mature love doesn’t twist arms. It invites, rather than demands.
5) They refuse to adapt or grow
Here’s a tough pill: emotional maturity is about growth, and growth requires flexibility.
But some older boomers are still digging in their heels, saying, “That’s just the way I am.”
While age naturally brings some rigidity, refusing to learn new ways of thinking, relating, or even forgiving is a sign of being stuck.
I know a man who still brags about never needing therapy or self-help books, as if personal development is beneath him.
But growth doesn’t stop at retirement. The willingness to reflect and adapt is what keeps us vibrant at any age.
6) They struggle to show empathy
A lack of empathy is another red flag.
Some seventy-year-olds still dismiss others’ feelings with lines like, “Toughen up,” or, “Back in my day, nobody complained.”
But emotional maturity means recognizing that someone else’s pain is valid, even if you don’t share it.
Without empathy, relationships turn one-sided and brittle.
I remember chatting with a friend whose father, in his seventies, shrugged off her divorce saying, “You’ll get over it. People used to stay together no matter what.”
Not exactly the comfort she needed. Mature adults know when to listen and offer compassion.
7) They hold lifelong grudges
Ask an emotionally immature seventy-year-old about someone who wronged them decades ago, and they’ll recount the story in vivid detail—as if it happened yesterday.
Grudges are heavy things to carry for a lifetime.
They eat away at peace and prevent people from moving forward.
Yet some boomers refuse to let go, holding tightly to resentment as if it defines them.
Emotional maturity means learning forgiveness—not necessarily reconciliation, but the freedom that comes from not being chained to old wounds.
Without that, bitterness becomes a permanent companion.
8) They avoid emotional vulnerability
Finally, one of the clearest signs: an inability to be vulnerable.
Some seventy-year-olds still can’t say “I’m sorry,” “I need help,” or even “I love you” without awkwardness or resistance.
They’ve built walls so high that true intimacy is impossible, even with their own families.
I’ve mentioned this in a previous post about relationships, but vulnerability is not weakness—it’s strength.
When an older adult still avoids it, they miss out on deeper connections in the very years when closeness matters most.
Closing thoughts
The truth is, we don’t automatically mature just because birthdays keep stacking up.
Emotional growth is a lifelong process, and some people stop doing that work early on.
The good news? It’s never too late.
I’ve seen folks in their seventies take small but powerful steps—learning to listen better, apologizing more often, or simply letting go of grudges.
Those shifts can transform not only their lives but their families’ as well.
So here’s my question for you: when you look around at the older adults in your life—or maybe even at yourself—do you see growth, or do you see patterns stuck in time?
