Let’s face it: a lot of boomer parents weren’t exactly the “I love you” type.
Maybe your mom never ended a phone call with those three words.
Maybe your dad believed showing up for work every day was proof enough of how much he cared.
And yet, if you look closely, you can see the ways love was woven into everyday family life—quiet, practical, and sometimes misunderstood.
Psychologists often talk about how love is communicated through actions, not just words. Gary Chapman, who developed the concept of love languages, put it simply: “Love is a choice you make every day.”
For many boomer parents, that choice showed up in routines, sacrifices, and gestures that spoke volumes even without a single word.
How exactly did they do it? Let’s walk through eight subtle but powerful ways.
1) Providing through steady work
When I think back to my own parents, my dad leaving early in the morning and coming home late was a familiar rhythm.
At the time, it felt like distance. Now I see it differently: work was his love language.
Boomer parents often equated love with providing. A roof over your head, meals on the table, school paid for—these were their daily “I love you’s.”
Psychologists call this a form of instrumental support, a type of care where practical needs take center stage. It might not have felt warm and fuzzy, but it built a foundation of security.
And if we’re honest, many of us carry that same impulse now—making sure the bills are paid before anything else. It’s not glamorous, but it’s love in motion.
2) Cooking family meals
How many of us remember a parent who had a signature dish? Maybe it was a casserole that magically stretched for three nights. Maybe it was pancakes on Saturday mornings.
Food was often the language of affection. As noted by psychologist Shira Gabriel, food and love are deeply intertwined because “meals provide both physical and emotional nourishment.”
A plate of meatloaf or a packed lunch might not have come with a hug, but it said: I’m taking care of you.
Even today, when I chop vegetables for a family dinner after a long workday, I think about that lineage of care. It’s a small ritual that connects generations.
3) Fixing and maintaining things around the house
Did your dad tinker endlessly in the garage? Did your mom know exactly how to get a stain out of the carpet?
That wasn’t just about thrift—it was about creating a safe, functional home.
Boomer parents grew up in a time when self-sufficiency was prized. Fixing the leaky faucet, patching clothes, or changing the oil in the car were quiet acts of service.
According to psychology research on acts of service as a love language, these gestures matter because they reduce daily stress for loved ones.
When my husband tightens a wobbly chair leg without being asked, I feel cared for in the same way. It’s the little maintenance tasks that quietly say: You matter enough for me to keep your world steady.
4) Attending school events and activities
I’ll never forget my mom sitting in the audience for every school play—even when I had just one line. She wasn’t the loudest clapper, but she was always there.
Presence is powerful. Psychologists highlight emotional availability—showing up physically and mentally—as a key factor in a child’s sense of security.
For boomer parents, attending a sports game, recital, or graduation was one of the clearest signals of pride and love.
It didn’t need a speech afterward. Just scanning the crowd and seeing them there was enough.
5) Teaching life skills (sometimes with tough love)
Boomer parents weren’t shy about letting kids figure things out.
They taught by expecting you to try, fail, and try again. Maybe it looked like showing you how to balance a checkbook, mow the lawn, or change a tire—then stepping back.
This wasn’t coldness. It was confidence in your ability to learn. Psychologists describe this as authoritative parenting, where warmth is expressed through guidance paired with independence.
It might not have felt affectionate in the moment (“Go mow the lawn, then we’ll talk”), but in hindsight, it was an investment in resilience.
6) Small rituals of consistency
Think back: was there always a family TV show on Thursday nights? A weekly grocery run together? Sunday dinners that never moved from the calendar?
Boomer parents often showed love through rituals of stability. These repetitive acts communicated: this family is a unit, and you belong here.
Research shows that family rituals increase children’s emotional well-being and strengthen bonds, even when words of affection are scarce.
In my own home, bedtime stories are one of those rituals. They may look ordinary, but they’re grounding moments of connection—just like the ones I grew up with.
7) Sacrificing their own wants quietly
Vacations skipped, clothes worn longer than necessary, hobbies put aside—many boomer parents funneled time and money into their kids without ever making a show of it.
Love sometimes looked like my mom wearing the same coat for years so we could go to summer camp. At the time, I didn’t notice.
But now I see it as the kind of silent sacrifice that parents have always made.
This form of love is what psychologists call selfless giving, and while it’s not always the healthiest if taken too far, it’s undeniably powerful.
It’s the behind-the-scenes choices that shape a child’s opportunities without them even realizing it.
8) Setting boundaries and expectations
Here’s the tricky one: discipline as love. Many of us grew up hearing “Because I said so” or living within pretty strict rules. While it may have felt harsh, structure often came from a place of deep care.
As child psychologist Diana Baumrind, who studied parenting styles, emphasized: “Firm limits, when combined with warmth, foster independence and responsibility.”
Boomer parents may not have explained it that way, but their rules were often about keeping kids safe and on track.
It was their way of saying: I care enough to steer you, even when you resist.
Looking back, those boundaries often laid the groundwork for later self-discipline.
Final thoughts
Boomer parents weren’t known for verbal affection. For many of them, saying “I love you” just wasn’t part of the script.
But love doesn’t always sound like words—it looks like early mornings, casseroles, clean socks, repaired fences, rides to practice, and the quiet presence of someone who keeps showing up.
If you grew up wishing they had said it out loud, you’re not alone. But noticing the ways they did show love can shift how we remember and even how we parent today.
Maybe the lesson isn’t to copy their silence, but to blend their steady actions with our own words of affirmation—so our kids hear it and feel it, too.
After all, love is loudest when it shows up in both.
