You know that moment when your five-year-old rolls her eyes because you’re making her clean up her toys before screen time? Or when your toddler melts down because you won’t let him have ice cream for breakfast? Sometimes I catch myself wondering if any of this is sinking in.
Last week, I ran into an old friend at the farmers market who told me something that stuck with me.
She’d just called her mom to thank her for all those “annoying” things she did when she was growing up. “I hated that she made us sit down for dinner together every single night,” she laughed. “Now I realize those were the only times we really talked as a family.”
That conversation got me thinking about all the things we do as parents that our kids might not appreciate now, but will thank us for someday. The daily battles that feel exhausting in the moment but are actually building something bigger.
1) Setting consistent bedtimes (even when they beg for “just five more minutes”)
Every single night, without fail, I hear the protests. My daughter becomes a tiny lawyer, presenting her case for why she absolutely needs to stay up later. And honestly? Some nights I’m tempted to give in just to avoid the battle.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Those consistent bedtimes aren’t just about getting enough sleep. They’re teaching our kids that some things in life are non-negotiable, that structure can actually be freeing, and that their bodies need care and respect.
Years from now, when they’re pulling themselves together for that important job interview or maintaining their health through stressful times, they’ll understand why we held that line.
They might even find themselves setting their own consistent bedtime and thinking, “Huh, Mom was right.”
2) Limiting screen time when “everyone else” gets unlimited access
Want to feel like the world’s meanest parent? Try explaining to your kid why they can’t have a tablet at dinner when their friend’s family has a TV in every room.
But those screen-free moments? That’s where the magic happens. That’s when my son builds elaborate fort systems that would make an architect proud. That’s when my daughter creates entire worlds with leaves and sticks in the backyard.
One day they’ll realize that their creativity, their ability to entertain themselves, their comfort with quiet moments – all of that came from those “boring” times when screens weren’t an option.
3) Making them do chores without payment
“But why can’t I get paid like my friend does?”
Have you heard this one too? It would be so much easier to just do everything myself or throw a dollar at the problem. But teaching kids that contributing to the household is just part of being in a family? That’s a gift that keeps giving.
When they’re adults sharing an apartment with roommates, or managing their own home, or raising their own families, they’ll understand that keeping a space livable isn’t someone else’s job – it’s everyone’s responsibility.
4) Saying no to things they desperately want
Remember when saying no to that toy at the store felt like you were crushing their entire world? The dramatic sighs, the accusations that you’re ruining their life?
But every “no” is teaching them something crucial: You can’t always get what you want, and that’s actually okay. Life will tell them no plenty of times – to job applications, to relationships, to dreams that need recalibrating. Our small nos prepare them for the bigger ones.
5) Making them apologize properly (not just mumbling “sorry”)
Getting a genuine apology out of a kid who just pushed their sibling can feel like negotiating a peace treaty. It would be easier to accept that mumbled “sorry” and move on.
But taking the time to help them understand what they did, how it affected someone else, and how to make amends? That’s building emotional intelligence they’ll use in every relationship for the rest of their lives.
When they’re navigating adult conflicts with grace and empathy, they’ll have those early lessons to thank.
6) Enforcing consequences even when it breaks your heart
Last month, my daughter had to miss her friend’s birthday party because she hadn’t finished the homework she’d been putting off all week. Watching her cry was brutal. Every fiber of my being wanted to cave.
But following through on consequences, especially when it’s hard, teaches them that actions have results. The world won’t bend its rules for them, and learning that in the safety of home is so much gentler than learning it out there.
7) Teaching them to wait
In a world of instant everything, making kids wait feels almost cruel. They want a snack? They have to wait until after we finish grocery shopping. They want my attention? Sometimes they need to wait until I’m done with this phone call.
But patience is a superpower in adult life. The ability to delay gratification, to work toward long-term goals, to not need immediate validation – all of that starts with these small moments of waiting.
8) Making them try foods they think they hate
“Just one bite” might be the most repeated phrase in parenting history. The negotiations, the faces of disgust before they’ve even tasted it – exhausting, right?
But we’re not just expanding their palates. We’re teaching them to be open to new experiences, to challenge their assumptions, to give things a fair chance before deciding. That mindset will serve them in ways that go far beyond the dinner table.
9) Showing up consistently, even when they act like they don’t want you there
Sometimes being present feels thankless. They might seem embarrassed by your presence at school events, or act like family traditions are torture. There are days when I wonder if any of this matters to them.
But showing up consistently – for bedtime stories, for Saturday morning pancakes, for the mundane Tuesday afternoons – builds a foundation of security they might not even realize they have until they’re older.
The long game of parenting
Here’s what I remind myself on the hard days: We’re not raising children, we’re raising future adults. Every boundary we hold, every consistent routine we maintain, every time we choose the harder path because it’s the right one – it’s all an investment in who they’ll become.
They might not thank us today. They might not thank us tomorrow. But someday, maybe when they’re facing their own parenting challenges or navigating adult life with the tools we gave them, they’ll understand.
And maybe, just maybe, they’ll call us up and say, “Thank you for all those things I thought were so annoying. I get it now.”
Until then? We keep showing up, keep holding the line, and trust that we’re planting seeds that will bloom in their own time. Because that’s what great parents do – we play the long game, even when the short game feels impossible.
