Some words are small, but they carry worlds inside them.
If you grew up in a home where emotions were met with silence, criticism, or deflection, you probably learned early on to shrink yourself to keep the peace.
That’s what happens when adults can’t handle emotional depth—they pass that discomfort on.
Emotional immaturity isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes, it looks like parents who mean well but never learned how to connect.
They might’ve kept you fed, clothed, and safe—but emotionally? You were left to figure things out alone.
And often, that absence shows up in what we never heard.
Here are seven simple phrases that emotionally mature parents say—and the ones you might’ve gone without.
1) “It’s okay to feel that way”
Growing up, did you ever hear that your feelings were “too much”? Maybe you were told, “Stop crying,” “You’re fine,” or “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
When children don’t hear that their emotions are valid, they start to believe they’re wrong for having them.
Emotionally mature parents create space for big feelings. They don’t rush to fix them or minimize them—they name them and stay present.
As psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone explains, validating a child’s emotions teaches them that “their inner world is understandable and acceptable.”
When I first became a mom, I caught myself telling my daughter, Ellie, “You’re okay,” when she fell or cried.
But one day, she looked at me and said, “I’m not okay.”
That stopped me cold. She was right. She didn’t need me to dismiss her pain; she needed me to hold space for it.
Now I say, “That hurt, didn’t it? I’m here.”
It’s a small shift—but it changes everything.
2) “I’m sorry”
Apologies are one of the clearest markers of emotional maturity.
If your parents rarely apologized, it probably wasn’t because you never deserved one—it’s because they didn’t know how to admit mistakes.
Saying “I’m sorry” requires humility and self-awareness, two things emotionally immature adults often lack. They fear that apologizing undermines authority. But really, it builds trust.
When we own our mistakes, we model accountability. Kids learn that love doesn’t mean perfection—it means repair.
There have been nights when I’ve snapped at my kids after a long day, then crouched beside their bed to whisper, “I shouldn’t have yelled. That wasn’t fair to you.”
Their little arms wrap around me every time. They forgive easily, but more importantly, they learn that it’s safe to be human.
3) “I believe you”
If you ever tried to explain something as a child—how you felt, what happened—and were met with skepticism or laughter, you know how damaging that is.
Emotionally immature parents often dismiss a child’s version of events because they don’t want to confront uncomfortable truths. But disbelief plants deep seeds of self-doubt.
Kids who aren’t believed learn to question their own perceptions. They stop trusting themselves, even as adults.
The antidote? Belief.
Even if we don’t have all the facts, we can start from a place of trust: “I believe you. Tell me more.”
As trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry has noted, safety is the foundation for healing. And safety begins when a child feels seen and believed.
When my daughter tells me about something that happened on the playground, I try to resist the urge to jump to conclusions. I just listen.
Sometimes, that’s all a child really needs—to be believed, not interrogated.
4) “I’m proud of you”
Not for achievements. Not for grades or trophies. Just for being them.
Emotionally immature parents often tie love to performance. They praise good behavior and accomplishments, but overlook the quiet moments that actually build confidence.
Children who never hear “I’m proud of you” for simply being themselves often grow into adults who chase approval instead of self-worth.
I make a point to tell Ellie and Milo I’m proud of them when no “achievement” is attached.
“I’m proud of how kind you were to your brother.”
“I’m proud of you for telling me how you felt.”
As noted by parenting researcher Dr. Gordon Neufeld, children thrive when they feel “seen and valued for who they are, not for what they do.”
It’s such a simple truth: love that’s conditional on performance isn’t love—it’s control.
5) “You have every right to your boundaries”
If you were raised by emotionally immature people, chances are your boundaries weren’t respected.
Maybe adults hugged you without asking, read your diary, or brushed off your discomfort with, “Don’t be rude.”
That teaches kids that saying no equals rejection or guilt. It also makes it harder, later in life, to protect yourself in relationships.
Boundaries are how children learn self-respect.
Now, with my kids, I try to model consent even in small moments. If my son doesn’t want a hug, I say, “Okay, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
It doesn’t mean I stop offering comfort—it means I’m teaching him that his body and his boundaries are his.
When we teach our children to respect themselves, they grow up expecting respect from others, too.
6) “I love you, no matter what”
This one can be tricky for parents who grew up in homes where love felt conditional—where affection depended on behavior or success.
But unconditional love isn’t about overlooking mistakes. It’s about loving through them. It’s about saying, “I don’t always like what you did, but I always love who you are.”
Kids who grow up hearing that learn that mistakes don’t equal rejection.
They become braver, more resilient, and more empathetic because they’ve experienced safety in its purest form.
My husband, Matt, and I say this often—especially after discipline.
If Ellie gets sent to her room for hitting her brother, I’ll go in afterward and say, “We had to take a break because that wasn’t kind, but I love you just as much as before.”
Her whole body softens. The tension dissolves. Repair happens.
That’s what emotional maturity looks like—holding firm boundaries within unwavering love.
7) “I understand”
These two words might be the hardest for emotionally immature parents to say.
Understanding requires empathy. It requires slowing down, tuning in, and seeing the world from your child’s point of view.
And if a parent never learned that skill themselves, they can’t give it.
Growing up without empathy can make a child feel like they’re constantly misunderstood. They might start suppressing their needs just to avoid disappointment or conflict.
Now that I’m a mom, I see how powerful “I understand” can be.
When Ellie gets frustrated and cries because her tower fell apart, the quickest way to calm her isn’t “It’s fine, rebuild it.” It’s, “I understand. You worked hard on that.”
She exhales. Then she starts rebuilding—on her own.
Sometimes, that’s what emotional safety does: it gives kids the strength to try again.
The bottom line
If you never heard these words growing up, you weren’t broken—you were just raised by people who hadn’t yet learned emotional fluency.
They couldn’t give what they didn’t have. But you can.
Every time you listen instead of lecture, validate instead of dismiss, or apologize instead of deflect—you’re rewriting your family’s emotional legacy.
You’re proving that gentle doesn’t mean weak, and that emotional maturity is one of the strongest gifts a parent can offer.
And maybe, as we raise our own kids, we’re also re-parenting the child we once were—the one who needed to hear, “It’s okay to feel that way,” and finally gets to believe it.
