I think most of us can agree—relationships are meant to enrich our lives, not drain them. The healthiest ones leave you feeling lighter, supported, and more yourself.
But there are certain people who have the opposite effect.
Spend time with them and you feel exhausted, deflated, or even like you’re carrying their emotional weight on your back.
Psychologists often call these “toxic dynamics,” and while the term gets tossed around a lot, the effects are very real.
Some people leave you feeling drained not because you’re weak or overly sensitive, but because their behavior patterns erode your emotional energy little by little.
Let’s walk through seven traits that, according to psychology, make for the most draining relationships you can find yourself in.
1) They constantly criticize you
A bit of constructive feedback can be healthy in any relationship, but constant criticism is a whole different story.
I remember working with someone years ago who never missed an opportunity to point out flaws—how I typed, how I dressed, even how I walked into a room.
At first, I brushed it off, but over time, I noticed I felt tense before even seeing them.
Research backs this up. According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the world’s leading relationship psychologists, criticism is one of the “Four Horsemen” of relationship breakdown.
It chips away at your self-worth and creates an environment where nothing feels good enough.
When you’re always on guard, waiting for the next jab, it’s no wonder you leave interactions feeling completely drained.
2) They never take responsibility
Have you ever known someone who always finds a way to blame others? The friend who blames their boss, the weather, their parents, even you—for everything that goes wrong?
It’s frustrating, but it’s also exhausting. When a person refuses to take responsibility, the emotional burden often shifts onto the people around them.
You may feel the need to play peacemaker, problem-solver, or even scapegoat just to keep things afloat.
Psychology tells us that this kind of external blame-shifting prevents real growth. It also leaves everyone else in the relationship carrying weight that doesn’t belong to them.
Over time, that weight adds up.
3) They drain you with constant negativity
We all go through hard times, and a healthy relationship gives space for venting and support. But some people take it further—they seem to thrive on negativity.
Every conversation circles back to what’s wrong, who’s wrong, or why life is unfair.
I once had a neighbor who did this. No matter the topic—weather, local events, even the flowers blooming in spring—she could turn it into something grim.
A short chat at the mailbox left me feeling like I’d been hit with a gray cloud.
As noted by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, who studies positive emotions, negativity narrows our thinking and reduces our ability to cope.
When you’re constantly around someone locked in that mindset, their lens of the world starts to color your own, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained.
4) They manipulate through guilt
This one is sneaky. Instead of asking directly for what they need, a draining person might rely on guilt to get their way.
“After all I’ve done for you…” or “If you really cared, you would…” Sound familiar?
Guilt-tripping is manipulation dressed up as care.
It pressures you into compliance while leaving you feeling resentful afterward. And the more you give in, the more the cycle repeats.
I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post about emotional boundaries: guilt may motivate short-term action, but it damages long-term trust and connection.
Healthy relationships rely on mutual respect, not emotional coercion.
5) They make everything about themselves
Have you ever walked away from a conversation realizing the other person never asked you a single question? It’s a subtle but telling sign.
Relationships are supposed to be a two-way exchange. But with someone self-absorbed, your role is reduced to that of an audience.
Their stories, their struggles, their achievements—it’s all about them.
Over time, you start to feel invisible. And invisibility is draining. It robs you of the basic human need to be seen and heard.
6) They thrive on drama
Life has enough natural challenges. But some people seem to manufacture chaos just to keep things exciting.
They thrive on drama, stir conflict, exaggerate problems, or shift between extremes of affection and hostility.
I’ve seen this in friendships where one week everything was wonderful and the next week I was accused of some imagined slight.
The unpredictability was the hardest part.
I never knew which version of the person I’d get.
Psychologists often link this pattern to high-conflict personalities. And being in close quarters with constant drama is draining because your nervous system never gets a break.
You’re always bracing for the next eruption.
7) They show no empathy
Perhaps the most draining trait of all is a lack of empathy.
Empathy is the glue that holds relationships together—it’s what allows us to understand, connect, and care for one another.
When you share something meaningful and the other person shrugs, dismisses, or flips the conversation back to themselves, it leaves you feeling unseen.
And repeated invalidation wears down your sense of self.
As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, it feels damn good.”
The opposite, of course, feels damn draining.
Closing thoughts
The truth is, any one of these traits can make a relationship heavy.
Combine several of them, and it can feel like you’re carrying a boulder uphill every time you interact.
So here’s the real question: if you recognize these patterns in someone close to you, what will you do about it?
Sometimes it means setting firmer boundaries. Sometimes it means limiting contact. And in the hardest cases, it might mean walking away.
Because life is too short to spend it constantly drained.
The healthiest relationships aren’t perfect, but they are reciprocal, supportive, and energizing. You deserve nothing less.
