You know that warm feeling when your grandkids rush through the door, full of energy and stories, eager to share what’s new? There’s nothing quite like it.
But have you ever noticed how that excitement sometimes fades as they grow older?
I’ve seen it happen more times than I’d like to admit. Grandparents wondering why their grandkids don’t visit as often, or why conversations suddenly feel a bit forced. The truth is, it’s rarely about the kids. It’s usually about certain habits we fall into without realizing it.
If we want those little faces to light up when they see us, there are a few things worth letting go of.
Let’s talk about five of them.
1) Criticizing or correcting them too much
We might think we’re being helpful, but constant correction can make kids feel like they can’t relax around us.
I’ve caught myself doing it before—pointing out a grandchild’s messy eating or correcting their grammar mid-sentence. It’s usually well-intentioned, but to them, it feels like disapproval. When that becomes a pattern, visits start to feel like walking on eggshells.
Kids, especially older ones, crave acceptance. They already get enough correction at school and from their parents. What they really want from us is a sense of warmth and belonging, a space where they can just be themselves.
I’m not saying we should throw manners out the window. If a grandchild is being truly disrespectful or unsafe, of course we step in. But for the small stuff, it’s better to let it go. Laugh it off. Let them enjoy being in your company without feeling judged or nit-picked.
Sometimes the best way to teach is not through correction but through example. When they see you treating people with patience and humor, they naturally pick it up.
2) Talking only about “the good old days”
I love reminiscing as much as anyone. There’s something comforting about looking back on simpler times, when milk came in glass bottles and neighbors actually knew each other.
But here’s what I’ve realized: if that’s all we talk about, our grandkids start to feel like they can’t relate to us.
They live in a world of TikTok trends, electric cars, and virtual friends. When every conversation starts with “Back in my day,” it can sound like we’re dismissing their world or saying ours was better.
A few months ago, my granddaughter tried to explain her favorite online game to me. I didn’t understand half of it, but I asked questions anyway. I asked what she liked about it, how it worked, and who she played with. Her face lit up, and she talked for nearly twenty minutes straight.
That’s when it hit me: the quickest way to connect is to show genuine interest in their world, not just talk about ours.
By all means, share your stories. Kids love hearing about what life was like when you were their age. But balance it out by asking about theirs. It shows them that you care about who they are now, not just who you remember them as.
3) Being too busy or distracted when they’re around
When my grandkids visit, I sometimes catch myself half-listening while scrolling through my phone or checking emails. It’s an easy habit to fall into. Technology creeps into everything these days. But I’ve learned that when you give a child only half your attention, they eventually stop seeking it altogether.
Kids are incredibly perceptive. They can tell when you’re distracted. They might not say it, but it stings a little. And after a while, they start thinking, “Grandpa’s always busy,” or “She’s not really listening.”
Now, I make a point to put my phone away when they’re over. If I’m expecting an important call, I tell them upfront. But most of the time, those messages can wait.
Try sitting down with them, no screens, no distractions, and ask open-ended questions. “What’s been the highlight of your week?” or “What are you most excited about right now?” You’ll be surprised how quickly they open up when they feel you’re truly present.
And honestly, those moments of laughter and connection do far more for my soul than any scrolling session ever could.
4) Forcing affection or attention
Here’s one that can be tricky, especially for those of us who grew up in a time when children were expected to hug every relative at family gatherings.
But times have changed, and so have kids. Forcing hugs, kisses, or long conversations when they’re not in the mood doesn’t build closeness, it creates discomfort.
I remember one Christmas when my youngest grandson pulled away from a goodbye hug. I felt a flash of hurt. But later, his mom told me he just wasn’t big on physical affection. So the next time I saw him, I simply waved and said, “Hey buddy, high-five or hug?” He grinned and slapped my hand with more enthusiasm than I’d seen in months.
That tiny moment taught me something: respect builds trust.
When kids know their boundaries are respected, they feel safe, and that’s when they want to be close.
The same goes for attention. If a teenager wants to sit quietly scrolling or doodling, let them. Forcing conversation rarely works. Instead, share the space calmly. They might come around naturally once they feel you’re not demanding their focus.
Affection isn’t about how we express love—it’s about how they receive it.
5) Making everything about rules and routines
Yes, structure is important. But when grandkids visit, they’re not looking for another set of house rules. They’re looking for connection and fun.
If every moment feels like a lecture—“Take your shoes off,” “Don’t spill that,” “Don’t make a mess”—the visit turns into a mini boot camp instead of a joyful reunion.
I’ll be honest, I used to be a bit rigid about my house. I liked things neat, quiet, and predictable. But then I noticed something. When my grandkids came over, they’d last about an hour before asking their parents to go home.
So, I loosened up. I kept a few non-negotiables, like washing hands before eating, but let the rest slide. If they wanted to build a fort out of couch cushions or bake cookies and leave the kitchen looking like a flour bomb exploded, so be it.
Guess what? The laughter that filled the room was worth every crumb and spill.
Sometimes, the best memories are made in the mess.
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s connection. When we drop our guard a little, kids sense it. They relax, have fun, and suddenly, they’re asking, “When can we come over again?”
Final thoughts
Being a grandparent is one of life’s greatest privileges. But it’s easy to forget that what grandkids value most isn’t the gifts we buy or the rules we enforce—it’s how we make them feel.
If they feel safe, understood, and free to be themselves around us, they’ll keep coming back, not out of obligation, but out of genuine affection.
So maybe the question to ask isn’t “Why don’t they visit more often?” but “How can I make my presence feel like home to them?”
After all, that’s what every child really wants—a place where they can laugh, be loved, and know they belong.
And as grandparents, we have the beautiful opportunity to give them exactly that.
