Over the years, I’ve come to realize that the things that used to set me off don’t carry the same weight anymore. And when I talk with friends my age, I see the same pattern—emotional intelligence reveals itself not in what sparks you, but in what doesn’t anymore.
Here are seven things that no longer get under your skin once you’ve developed a healthy level of emotional intelligence.
1. Other people’s opinions of you
Do you remember how much energy you used to spend worrying about what others thought?
I certainly do. Back when I was working in the office, I’d replay conversations in my head, wondering if my boss thought I sounded silly or if my neighbor thought I was unfriendly because I didn’t stop for a chat.
These days, I’ve learned that other people’s opinions are just that—theirs. They come filtered through their own experiences, biases, and moods. Once you understand this, you stop taking it personally.
Emotional intelligence gives you the distance to say, “That’s their view, and it doesn’t define me.” You might still hear criticism or judgment, but it doesn’t linger like it once did.
2. Being wrong
I’ll admit it: when I was younger, I hated being wrong. It felt like losing face.
But now, I actually see being wrong as an opportunity. If someone shows me a better way, I’m thankful. Being emotionally intelligent means you don’t tie your self-worth to always being right. Instead, you see mistakes as stepping stones.
Just the other week, my grandson corrected me on something about his favorite football team. Old me might have brushed it off or tried to save face. Instead, I laughed, thanked him for teaching me, and moved on. It’s liberating not to feel triggered by correction.
3. Delays and inconveniences
Traffic jams. Long queues at the supermarket. A flight delay.
These used to irritate me endlessly. I’d tap my foot, mutter under my breath, and stew in frustration. Did it change anything? Of course not.
With emotional intelligence, you learn to accept what you can’t control. I use these moments differently now—I’ll catch up on an audiobook, call an old friend, or simply breathe and enjoy the pause.
It’s not that I don’t notice the delay—it’s that it doesn’t own me anymore.
4. People who disagree with you
When someone challenges your beliefs, it can feel personal. I used to get worked up in political debates or family discussions, feeling like disagreement was an attack.
But disagreement doesn’t have to be hostile. Emotional intelligence helps you recognize that people see the world differently, and that’s okay.
These days, I enjoy hearing other perspectives. Sometimes I learn something new; other times I simply walk away knowing we value different things. Either way, I don’t feel the urge to win every argument.
5. Not being in control
Here’s one I struggled with for a long time: letting go of control.
Whether it was my kids making choices I didn’t agree with or plans not going the way I wanted, I used to react with frustration. The truth is, much of life is beyond our control.
The emotionally intelligent person doesn’t fight this reality—they accept it. That doesn’t mean you stop caring or taking action where you can, but you learn to let go of what’s not yours to hold.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post how freeing it can be to focus only on what’s in your hands. Once you stop being triggered by things outside your control, you save yourself endless stress.
6. Criticism
For a lot of people, criticism feels like a punch in the gut. I know it did for me.
But when you become emotionally intelligent, you learn to separate you from the feedback. Criticism doesn’t always mean someone dislikes you—it may simply mean they see room for improvement.
Now, I ask myself: Is this feedback useful? If yes, I take it on board. If no, I let it go.
I remember once, after writing one of my first articles, a reader emailed me with some harsh words. At first, I felt defensive. Then I re-read it and realized some of their points were valid. Their delivery wasn’t kind, but the substance helped me grow. That’s emotional intelligence in action—extracting value without taking offense.
7. Other people’s success
This one’s big. When I was younger, I sometimes felt envious when someone else did well—whether it was a coworker getting promoted or a neighbor buying a shiny new car.
But over time, I realized their success doesn’t take anything away from me. Emotional intelligence helps you celebrate others without bitterness.
Now, when a friend tells me their business is thriving or their daughter got into a good university, I feel genuine joy for them. Comparison only robs us of peace. Gratitude and self-acceptance, on the other hand, keep us grounded.
Final thoughts
Emotional intelligence isn’t about becoming a robot who never feels anything. It’s about noticing those old triggers and choosing not to let them run the show anymore.
So here’s my question to you: Which of these triggers have you already let go of, and which ones still get under your skin?
Because the truth is, recognizing them is the first step toward freedom. And that freedom—the ability to remain calm, grounded, and kind in the face of life’s ups and downs—is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
