Ever notice how some people just rub you the wrong way within moments of meeting them?
I used to wonder why certain interactions felt off before anyone had even said much of anything. Turns out, our brains are wired to make snap judgments about trustworthiness, and those first few minutes carry more weight than we’d like to admit.
As someone who’s navigated everything from parent-teacher conferences to awkward neighborhood gatherings, I’ve become fascinated by what makes those initial moments click or completely fall flat. And what surprised me is that a lot of it comes down to small habits we don’t even realize we’re doing.
Let’s dig into eight specific behaviors that can tank trust before you’ve had a chance to make your case.
1) Avoiding eye contact or staring too intensely
Here’s the thing about eye contact: too little makes you seem shifty, too much makes you seem aggressive. It’s a delicate balance, and most of us don’t nail it naturally.
When you refuse to meet someone’s gaze, their brain registers it as evasion. You might just be shy or distracted, but the other person’s nervous system is lighting up with “something’s not right here” signals.
On the flip side, locking eyes without breaking can feel predatory or confrontational. There’s a reason intense staring is used in interrogation scenes.
Research on eye contact during social interactions confirms what most of us sense intuitively — eye contact improves trust, communicates closeness, and makes interactions richer and more efficient.
The sweet spot? Maintaining eye contact about 60-70% of the time during conversation, with natural breaks to glance away. It signals you’re present and honest without being overbearing.
If you struggle with this, try focusing on the bridge of someone’s nose or their eyebrows. It gives the impression of eye contact without the intensity that might make you (or them) uncomfortable.
2) Crossing your arms or turning your body away
Body language speaks before your mouth even opens.
I’ll be honest, I’m a chronic arm-crosser. It’s comfortable, it’s how I stand when I’m thinking, and I never mean anything defensive by it.
However, perception matters more than intention in those crucial first minutes.
Crossed arms create a literal barrier between you and the other person. Your brain might just be cold or looking for something to do with your hands, but their brain reads “closed off” and “defensive.”
Similarly, angling your body away—even slightly—suggests you’d rather be somewhere else. It’s a subtle form of rejection that people pick up on subconsciously.
Studies show that people do feel somewhat more distant when arms are crossed, particularly if they’re strangers rather than friends or colleagues.
What works better? Keep your arms relaxed at your sides or use gentle hand gestures while talking. Face the person squarely with your shoulders and torso aligned toward them.
These small adjustments signal openness and engagement, which are foundational to building trust quickly.
3) Interrupting or talking over them
Nothing says “I don’t value what you’re saying” quite like cutting someone off mid-sentence.
We’ve all done it. You get excited, you think you know where they’re going, or you’re just eager to share your own perspective. But interrupting, especially early on, communicates that your thoughts matter more than theirs.
As noted by communication expert Julian Treasure, “Listening is our access to understanding.” When you interrupt, you’re essentially slamming that door shut before it’s even fully opened.
The fix? Practice what I call the “three-second pause.” When someone finishes speaking, count to three in your head before responding. It ensures they’re actually done and gives you a moment to formulate a thoughtful reply rather than a knee-jerk reaction.
This habit has completely changed how my conversations feel. People relax when they know they’ll be heard without having to fight for airtime.
4) Checking your phone or looking distracted
Look, I get it. Our phones are magnetic. A buzz, a notification, the urge to just quickly check something…it happens to all of us.
But pulling out your phone in the first five minutes of meeting someone might as well be a billboard that says “You’re not that interesting.”
Even glancing at a screen or letting your eyes wander around the room signals that you’re not fully present. And if you’re not present, you can’t be trusted to care about this interaction or follow through on anything discussed.
Research on “phubbing” (phone snubbing) has found it triggers negative mood, feelings of ostracism, and significantly reduces trust between people.
The solution is almost embarrassingly simple: put your phone away. Not just on silent, but actually out of sight. In a bag, a pocket, face-down on a distant table if absolutely necessary.
Give the person in front of you the gift of your full attention. It’s become so rare that it actually stands out as a sign of respect and reliability.
5) Using weak or overly aggressive handshakes
The handshake debate is real, and yes, people absolutely judge you based on it.
A limp, barely-there handshake suggests passivity and lack of confidence. It feels like the person can’t commit even to a basic social gesture.
On the other end, a bone-crushing grip comes across as compensating for something or trying to establish dominance right out of the gate.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that a firm handshake was positively related to extraversion and emotional expressiveness, and negatively related to shyness and neuroticism.
Translation: Your handshake actually does communicate something about who you are.
The goal is a firm but brief grip. Think two to three seconds of solid contact, accompanied by eye contact and a genuine smile. Match the other person’s pressure level if you can read it quickly.
And if handshakes aren’t culturally appropriate or someone doesn’t offer one, respect that boundary immediately. Forcing physical contact when it’s not welcomed destroys trust faster than almost anything else.
6) Speaking in a monotone or overly aggressive voice
The way you sound matters as much as what you say.
A flat, monotone voice suggests disinterest or emotional disconnection. If you sound bored, people assume you are bored with them, with the conversation, with being there at all. It creates an immediate wall.
The opposite problem is just as damaging. A loud, overly forceful tone can feel aggressive or dismissive, especially if the other person is naturally soft-spoken or comes from a culture that values quieter communication.
I’ve caught myself doing both at different times. When I’m tired, my voice goes flat. When I’m passionate about something, I can accidentally bulldoze the conversational space.
The sweet spot is vocal variety: modulating your tone, pace, and volume to match the emotional content of what you’re saying and to stay roughly in sync with the other person’s energy. Mirror their volume and speed just slightly, and your voice becomes a bridge rather than a barrier.
7) Offering too much information too soon
There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing, and crossing it early can make people deeply uncomfortable.
When you dump your life story, your struggles, or controversial opinions in the first few minutes, it overwhelms the other person.
They don’t have enough context or relationship foundation to hold that information, and it can feel like emotional dumping or manipulation.
Start with the basics. Share enough to be personable and relatable, but save the heavier material for when you’ve established some rapport. Let the other person set the pace for how personal things get.
Trust develops in layers. Jumping straight to the deep stuff violates the natural rhythm of relationship building and can leave people feeling awkward or even trapped in an interaction they didn’t sign up for.
As the relationship develops naturally, there will be plenty of time for depth. Rushing it backfires more often than not.
8) Faking enthusiasm or being overly rehearsed
People can smell inauthenticity from a mile away, even if they can’t articulate what feels off.
When you plaster on exaggerated enthusiasm or deliver what sounds like a memorized script, you create distance. The other person senses they’re getting a performance rather than a real human interaction, and their guard stays up.
This doesn’t mean you should be negative or unprepared. It means being genuinely yourself, with whatever energy level and communication style comes naturally rather than trying to be what you think people want.
I used to rehearse conversations in my head, scripting out “interesting” things to say. It always fell flat because I was so focused on delivering my lines that I wasn’t actually connecting.
The fix is to get comfortable with authenticity, even when it’s imperfect. Stumble over words sometimes. Laugh at yourself. Admit when you don’t know something. Real is always more trustworthy than polished but hollow.
Final thoughts
Building trust doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does require awareness.
The good news is that none of these habits are permanent. Once you notice them, you can adjust. And the payoff — genuine connections with people who actually trust you — is absolutely worth the effort.
So next time you’re meeting someone new, take a breath. Be present. Be yourself. The rest will follow.
