You know that moment when your college-bound teenager calls you to ask how to address an envelope? Or when they can’t figure out how to schedule their own doctor’s appointment?
I’ve been watching my friends navigate this with their older kids, and it got me thinking about what skills teenagers actually need before they fly the nest. After seven years teaching kindergarten, I learned that independence starts early. But somehow, between organic snacks and nature walks, we forget that our kids need practical life skills too.
Here’s the thing: college isn’t just about academics. It’s about managing life without us hovering nearby. And if your teenager still relies on you for these eight basic skills, they might need a little more prep time before dorm life.
1. Managing their own schedule without constant reminders
Does your teen still need you to wake them up every morning? Do you remind them about homework deadlines, sports practice, or when to start that English paper?
I remember when one of my former kindergarten students visited years later. Her mom was still texting her every hour about what she needed to do next. The girl was seventeen. When I gently asked about college plans, the mom looked panicked and said, “She’ll figure it out when she gets there.”
But will she? College professors won’t chase down missing assignments. Roommates won’t wake them for their 8 AM lecture. If they can’t manage a basic daily schedule now, with you as backup, imagine them trying to juggle classes, study time, laundry, and a social life all at once.
Start small. Let them use their phone alarm. Stop reminding them about that science project. Natural consequences teach better than our nagging ever could.
2. Handling basic money management
Can your teenager budget their monthly allowance? Do they understand how credit cards actually work? Have they ever had to choose between buying that concert ticket or having gas money for the week?
Financial literacy isn’t just about having money. It’s about making choices. In college, they’ll face daily decisions about spending. That meal plan won’t cover late-night pizza runs. Textbooks cost more than they expect. And those “small” purchases add up faster than freshman pounds.
Give them a monthly budget for their personal expenses now. Let them run out of money mid-month and figure it out. Better they learn this lesson while sleeping in their own bed than when they’re states away.
3. Preparing simple meals beyond instant noodles
Sure, dorm food exists. But what happens during late study sessions? Weekend mornings? Or when the dining hall serves mystery meat for the third time this week?
I’m all for intuitive eating and teaching kids to listen to their bodies. But they also need to know how to scramble eggs, make a sandwich that includes actual vegetables, or throw together a basic pasta dish. These aren’t fancy cooking skills. They’re survival basics.
My friend’s son called her from college last month asking how long to microwave a potato. He’d been living on cereal and energy drinks for weeks because he didn’t know how to make anything else. Don’t let this be your kid.
4. Doing laundry without ruining everything
“Mom, all my white shirts are pink now.”
This text shouldn’t be coming from a college freshman. Yet it happens more than you’d think. Laundry isn’t complicated, but it does require basic knowledge. What needs cold water? How much detergent is too much? What absolutely cannot go in the dryer?
Have them start doing their own laundry now. Yes, they might shrink a favorite sweater. That’s how they learn. Natural consequences, remember? Better a ruined hoodie at home than their entire college wardrobe turned into doll clothes.
5. Navigating conflict without parental intervention
When your teenager has a problem with a teacher, coach, or friend, who makes the phone call? Who sends the email? Who smooths things over?
If it’s you, we need to talk.
College means dealing with difficult roommates, challenging professors, and group project disasters. They need to advocate for themselves, set boundaries, and resolve conflicts independently. This isn’t about being confrontational. It’s about communication.
Next time there’s an issue, coach them through it but let them handle it. They need practice having uncomfortable conversations before they’re sharing a tiny dorm room with a stranger who plays music at 3 AM.
6. Taking care of their health independently
Can your teenager make their own doctor’s appointment? Do they know their medical history, current medications, or insurance information? Would they recognize when they need to seek medical attention versus when to rest and drink fluids?
Health management goes beyond knowing when to take ibuprofen. It includes understanding when that persistent cough needs attention, how to refill a prescription, and what their insurance actually covers.
Start having them call for their own appointments. Make sure they know their medical basics. College health centers are great, but your teenager needs to know when and how to use them.
7. Solving problems without immediate backup
What does your teen do when faced with an unexpected problem? Do they immediately text you for solutions, or do they try to figure it out first?
Problem-solving is like a muscle. It needs exercise to grow strong. If we always swoop in with answers, that muscle stays weak. And college throws problems at students daily. Locked out of their room. Computer crashes night before a paper’s due. Registration system won’t let them into a required class.
These aren’t catastrophes, but they feel like it to someone who’s never had to navigate issues alone. Start stepping back now. When they come to you with problems, try asking “What do you think you should do?” before offering solutions.
8. Managing basic household tasks
Beyond laundry, can your teenager clean a bathroom? Change sheets? Know when food has gone bad? These sound ridiculously basic, but you’d be surprised how many college kids don’t know these things.
One mom told me her daughter didn’t know you needed to clean a shower. She thought it cleaned itself with all that soap and water. The girl ended up with a mold problem that required professional cleaning and almost got her kicked out of student housing.
Basic household maintenance isn’t just about cleanliness. It’s about being a responsible human who others want to live with.
The path forward
Look, I get it. Letting go is hard. When I think about my little ones eventually heading off to college, part of me wants to keep them close forever. But that’s not our job. Our job is to raise capable humans who can thrive without us.
If your teenager still needs you for several of these skills, you’ve got work to do. But here’s the good news: there’s still time. Start small. Pick one skill and focus on it for a month. Then add another.
Remember, this isn’t about perfection. They’ll still make mistakes, probably spectacular ones. But those mistakes will be theirs to learn from, and that’s exactly how it should be.
College should be about expanding horizons, not learning basic life skills for the first time. Give your teenager the gift of independence before they actually need it. Trust me, both of you will be grateful when that first semester rolls around.
