Let’s face it — every generation thinks they’ve cracked the parenting code.
Then their kids grow up, have children of their own, and say, “We’re not doing that.”
I’ve seen this cycle play out twice now — first as a dad raising my kids in the 80s and 90s, and now as a granddad watching my millennial children raise theirs.
And you know what? I think they’re onto something.
The baby-boomer generation — my generation — raised kids with good intentions.
We valued hard work, self-reliance, and respect for authority.
But somewhere along the way, a few questionable “values” snuck in too.
Ideas that, frankly, did more harm than good.
Today’s millennial parents are rethinking those lessons — not because they want to “spoil” their kids, but because they’ve seen what those old beliefs cost us in emotional health, relationships, and self-esteem.
Let’s dig into seven of those outdated values that deserve a gentle retirement.
1) Equating obedience with respect
When I was growing up, the golden rule was simple: Do as you’re told.
Questioning adults wasn’t considered curiosity — it was “talking back.”
Many of us boomers carried that mindset into our own parenting.
We thought we were teaching discipline.
But looking back, what we really taught was compliance.
Kids learned to keep quiet, even when something felt wrong or unfair.
Millennial parents, thankfully, see respect as a two-way street.
They’re encouraging dialogue, not dictatorship.
When their kids ask why something is a rule, it’s not an act of rebellion — it’s a chance for understanding.
Sure, it takes more patience to explain than to command.
But the payoff is huge: kids who can advocate for themselves, think critically, and communicate openly.
And that’s the kind of respect that lasts far longer than blind obedience.
2) Prioritizing appearance over authenticity
Boomers were raised in a “what will the neighbors think?” world.
You didn’t air your dirty laundry, you smiled through the hard stuff, and you looked the part — even if you were falling apart inside.
I remember my mother brushing my hair before church and whispering, “Smile, Tony. We don’t want people thinking we’re unhappy.”
And that stuck.
For years, I believed appearances mattered more than honesty.
Millennial parents are turning that on its head.
They’re saying, “It’s okay to be messy. It’s okay to struggle.”
They post about mental health, admit when they’re overwhelmed, and teach their kids that being real beats being perfect.
It’s refreshing, really. Kids today are learning that vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s courage in disguise.
3) Glorifying relentless hard work
Boomers wore exhaustion like a badge of honor.
The message was clear: if you weren’t constantly busy, you weren’t doing enough.
Work hard. Provide. Push through.
Those were our mantras.
And while that grit built nations, it also burned out a lot of people — myself included.
I spent years believing rest was laziness and self-care was indulgent.
Millennial parents are rewriting that script.
They’re introducing their kids to balance — that life isn’t meant to be a nonstop race.
They talk openly about mental health days, flexible schedules, and the value of time spent being rather than doing.
They’re showing their kids that success isn’t about hours logged but joy felt. And I can’t help but admire that shift.
4) Believing emotional suppression equals strength
We taught our boys not to cry, our girls not to be “too sensitive,” and everyone to keep their emotions neatly tucked away.
I still remember telling my son after a scraped knee, “You’re fine. Shake it off.”
I thought I was helping him toughen up. Now I see that I was teaching him to bottle things up.
Millennial parents are doing it differently.
They’re teaching emotional literacy — naming feelings, validating them, and finding healthy ways to express them.
You’ll hear them say things like, “It’s okay to be angry, but let’s talk about it.”
And let me tell you, when I see my daughter calmly helping her little one navigate a tantrum instead of yelling, I feel both pride and a pinch of regret.
Because she’s breaking a cycle that I didn’t even realize I was part of.
5) Viewing authority as infallible
Back in the day, adults were always right — even when they weren’t.
Teachers, bosses, parents, clergy — their word was gospel.
As a kid, if a teacher scolded you unfairly, your parents didn’t question it.
They said, “You must’ve done something.”
We grew up believing authority should never be challenged — even when it abused its power.
Today’s parents are raising kids to question respectfully and think independently.
They’re teaching discernment — how to tell the difference between healthy respect and blind obedience.
I’ve heard my granddaughter say, “That doesn’t feel fair,” and instead of scolding her, my daughter listens.
That kind of confidence is exactly what I wish I’d had at her age.
6) Shaming failure instead of embracing growth
Remember how boomers used to treat mistakes?
Fail a test, lose a game, mess up at work — and suddenly your worth felt on trial.
We equated achievement with character. You were only as good as your last success.
I can still recall my father’s disappointed silence when I brought home a C in math.
He didn’t have to yell; the message was loud enough.
But millennial parents? They’re normalizing failure.
They tell their kids, “Everyone messes up — what matters is what you learn.”
They’re focusing on progress, not perfection.
This growth mindset is helping kids develop resilience instead of fear.
And it’s creating adults who can take risks, adapt, and bounce back stronger — traits our perfection-obsessed culture desperately needs.
7) Equating love with sacrifice
This one hits close to home. Many of us boomers believed love meant giving everything — your time, energy, even your happiness — for your family.
Especially mothers, who were often told that “good moms” never put themselves first.
But what that really produced was burnout, resentment, and guilt.
Parents who poured from an empty cup.
Millennial parents are rejecting the martyr mentality. They’re showing that self-care isn’t selfish — it’s modeling balance. They take breaks, pursue hobbies, set boundaries, and let their kids see them as whole humans, not just caregivers.
And guess what? Their kids grow up understanding that love doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means showing up as your best, healthiest self — for others and for yourself.
Closing thoughts
None of this is about blaming boomers.
Most of us did what we thought was best, using the tools and knowledge we had at the time.
But it’s healthy to admit when something didn’t work and evolve from there.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned walking the park trails with my grandkids, it’s that parenting is less about perfection and more about progression.
Each generation gets the chance to do a little better than the last.
And I genuinely believe millennial parents are doing that.
They’re raising kids who question authority without disrespecting it, express emotion without shame, and value authenticity over appearances.
Sure, they might get criticized for being “too soft” or “too modern.”
But I see the results — confident, empathetic kids who feel safe being themselves.
And that’s something worth celebrating.
The truth is, parenting philosophies come and go, but the heart of it never changes — we all just want our kids to grow up happy and grounded.
So maybe instead of clinging to “the way things were,” we boomers can take a leaf out of the millennial playbook.
There’s no shame in learning from our children — in fact, it might be one of the healthiest things we ever do.
I’ll leave you with this: if our kids are brave enough to question how we raised them, shouldn’t we be brave enough to listen?
