Every couple has their ups and downs. Life with kids, bills, and endless laundry piles can test even the most loving partnership. But in my experience, it’s often the small things—those everyday choices—that make a marriage or relationship feel rock solid.
These aren’t grand romantic gestures. They’re tiny acts of connection and care that add up like compound interest over time.
Here are eight of them.
1. They check in, even about the little stuff
Some nights after we’ve finally wrangled the kids into bed, I’ll flop on the couch next to Matt and he’ll ask, “So, how was your day really?” Not just the surface-level updates, but the small wins and frustrations that didn’t fit into texts between grocery runs and tantrums.
Checking in daily, even briefly, creates a rhythm of staying close. It doesn’t have to be a sit-down summit. A “How’s your heart today?” while you’re unloading the dishwasher can go further than hours of distracted conversation.
I’ve noticed when we skip this for too many days, we start feeling more like co-managers of a household than partners in love. A quick check-in pulls us back from autopilot and reminds us that we’re in this together.
Have you ever noticed how much lighter your own shoulders feel after being asked that simple question—how are you, really? That’s the kind of lightness couples can keep offering each other.
2. They make eye contact
Sounds almost too simple, right? But when was the last time you really looked your partner in the eye while they were talking?
In our house, mornings can be chaos—breakfast flying, shoes lost, toddler tears. When Matt pauses to make eye contact before we scatter out the door, it tells me, I see you, not just the tasks swirling around us.
Eye contact signals presence. And presence is the antidote to drifting apart. It’s easy to hear words without actually absorbing them, especially when multitasking. But when you add eye contact, the message shifts from “I hear you” to “I’m with you.”
Even quick moments matter. Meeting each other’s gaze across the dinner table, locking eyes during a silly dance party with the kids, or sharing that look when the toddler says something hilarious—it’s all glue that holds you close.
3. They share small rituals
I know couples who have elaborate weekly date nights. Good for them. Honestly, that’s not realistic for us right now. But what is doable? Saturday morning pancakes. A quick walk around the block after dinner. A goofy family handshake we invented with Ellie and Milo.
These rituals anchor us. They say, “We’re in this together,” without needing big budgets or babysitters.
One of my favorite rituals is the “tea trade.” After bedtime, Matt usually makes us both tea. It’s a tiny thing, but it signals, “The day’s chaos is behind us, and now it’s just us.”
As researcher Dr. John Gottman has said, “Small things often are the building blocks of lasting love.” That resonates deeply in a season where consistency matters more than grandeur.
What rituals could you create? They don’t need to be perfect or permanent. They just need to repeat often enough that they become a thread in your shared story.
4. They show physical affection beyond intimacy
Sure, intimacy is important. But so is brushing past each other in the kitchen and letting your hand linger. Or pausing for a back rub while one of you chops onions.
When I’m stirring soup and Matt slides by, pressing his hand gently to my back, it’s like an unspoken reminder: I’m here, and I love you.
Affection outside the bedroom says, “I choose you, even in the ordinary moments.” And honestly, those ordinary moments are most of life.
Think about how grounding a hug can be when you’ve had a rough day, or how a kiss on the forehead feels when words aren’t enough. Those tiny touches become shorthand for reassurance and connection.
5. They laugh at the mess
When the toddler has dumped an entire basket of blocks right as dinner’s burning, sometimes the only option is to laugh. I’ll catch Matt’s eye and we’ll both just crack up.
That shared laughter pulls us onto the same team, even when life feels absurd. It’s a pressure valve for stress. And it reminds us that joy can be found smack in the middle of the chaos.
Laughter doesn’t erase the mess, but it changes how heavy it feels. Instead of “Why does this always happen?” it becomes “Well, this is us.”
As noted by psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, laughter and positivity “broaden and build” our capacity to handle challenges together. That’s not just feel-good talk—it’s science-backed resilience.
Couples who can laugh at life’s curveballs are couples who keep choosing each other over frustration.
6. They speak gratitude out loud
It’s easy to assume your partner knows you appreciate them. But saying it out loud hits differently.
Last week, Matt fixed the squeaky screen door. Instead of silently noting it, I said, “Thanks for tackling that. It makes the whole house feel calmer.” His face softened, and I realized again how much we both need those small affirmations.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be grand or formal. Just naming the helpful, thoughtful things in real time can transform the energy between you.
There’s research showing that couples who regularly express gratitude not only feel closer, but also recover faster from conflict. It’s like putting little deposits into an emotional bank account—you’re less likely to go “overdrawn” when stress hits.
So say thank you for the coffee, the bedtime story, the late-night errand run. Every thank you builds a bridge.
7. They protect couple time, even in slivers
One of the biggest shifts after having kids is how little uninterrupted time you get. But here’s the thing: connection doesn’t need hours—it needs intention.
Sometimes that looks like fifteen minutes on the porch after bedtime with tea. Sometimes it’s folding laundry together while chatting instead of zoning out separately.
The important part is guarding those moments. Not letting them slip away under the weight of endless to-dos. Because even five minutes of true connection can feel like a reset button.
I’ve had nights where all we did was sit shoulder-to-shoulder, scrolling through funny photos or planning the next day’s meals. And you know what? Even that counts. It’s the choice to be together that matters more than the activity itself.
Protecting time, no matter how small, tells your partner: “You’re worth my focus.” And that’s priceless.
8. They choose kindness when it’s tempting not to
Every couple has those moments when irritation bubbles up. The toddler’s screaming, the car won’t start, the fridge is somehow empty again. It’s so easy to snap.
But choosing kindness—even in tone—changes everything. Instead of, “Why didn’t you grab milk?” try, “We’re out of milk. Could you pick some up tomorrow?”
It’s not about swallowing feelings—it’s about how we deliver them.
As relationship expert Esther Perel has noted, “It’s the quality of the repair, not the absence of conflict, that determines the strength of a relationship.” In other words: kindness keeps the door open for repair instead of slamming it shut with harshness.
Kindness doesn’t mean never disagreeing. It means disagreeing in ways that don’t leave scars.
Final thoughts
An unbreakable bond isn’t built in big declarations. It’s built in the eye contact across the breakfast table, the hand on the back while stirring soup, the laughter over spilled blocks.
If you take nothing else from this list, remember this: love thrives in the ordinary. The everyday choices to connect, laugh, and show up kindly are what make the extraordinary possible.
So, the next time you wonder if you’re doing enough for your relationship, maybe start with the simplest things. Look up. Reach out. Say thanks. Smile.
It’s often the smallest habits that make the strongest foundations.
