Let’s be honest—raising kids is one thing, but staying connected to them once they’re adults is another game entirely.
When the kids are little, the love is obvious in the daily routines: packed lunches, bedtime stories, hugs after scraped knees. But what about when they’re twenty-five and living in their own apartment across town—or across the country?
The truth is, the things we do as parents continue to matter long after our kids have outgrown car seats and science fair posters. And the kind parents I admire most don’t just fade into the background once their kids hit adulthood.
They show up in thoughtful, consistent ways that remind their grown kids: you still matter, and you’re still deeply cared for.
Here are seven ways I’ve seen parents nurture that kind of lasting bond.
1. They check in without taking over
There’s a fine line between support and micromanaging, isn’t there?
A kind parent knows how to call or text just to ask, “How’s your week going?”—and then stop there. No hidden agenda. No twenty-question interrogation about job searches, relationships, or bank accounts. Just genuine curiosity.
When I was in my early twenties, my mom would call every Sunday afternoon. Sometimes we’d talk for ten minutes, sometimes for an hour. What mattered wasn’t the length—it was the fact that she cared enough to reach out regularly, but never pried too far unless I opened the door.
That balance—checking in without steering the ship—creates a safe harbor for adult children to come back to.
2. They respect boundaries
This one can be tough. As parents, we’ve spent decades setting the rules. Suddenly, the roles shift. Our kids are setting boundaries, and our job is to respect them.
Maybe that means waiting to be invited before offering opinions on their new partner. Or knocking before entering their old bedroom when they visit. Or recognizing that they may not want to spend every holiday the same way you always did.
As noted by Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, “Boundaries are not barriers. They’re guidelines that show people how to love us.” Respecting your adult child’s limits communicates that your love adapts with them—it’s not conditional on them doing life exactly the way you did.
3. They celebrate small wins
Big milestones—graduations, weddings, promotions—tend to get the spotlight. But kind parents know the little victories matter just as much.
When an adult child shares they’ve cooked their first Thanksgiving turkey solo or finally finished that tough work project, a simple “I’m proud of you” goes a long way. It’s these everyday affirmations that tell them their efforts are seen.
I remember the first time Lukas and I hosted a holiday dinner at our own house. The turkey was slightly overcooked, the cranberry sauce came from a can, but when my dad said, “You two did a wonderful job making this home feel warm,” I felt ten feet tall.
That one sentence stuck with me longer than any formal toast ever could.
4. They listen more than they lecture
Adult children usually aren’t looking for constant advice—they’re looking for someone to process life with.
Kind parents let their kids vent, brainstorm, and even contradict themselves without jumping in with a solution. They don’t rush to fix things but instead offer space to talk things out.
I think of it like the difference between being a manager and being a coach. A manager directs. A coach asks questions and empowers. “That sounds like a lot—what options are you considering?” can be so much more powerful than “Here’s what you should do.”
And funny enough, when adult kids feel heard, they often do end up asking for advice anyway. But it’s on their terms, not ours.
5. They create rituals of connection
Rituals don’t have to be elaborate. They can be as simple as a weekly phone call, a birthday tradition, or a shared TV show you watch “together” across time zones.
My friend tells me that every December, her mom still mails her an advent calendar—even though she’s in her thirties with two kids of her own. It’s a small gesture, but it anchors her to a feeling of home.
These touchpoints remind adult children that no matter how far they roam, there are steady threads of connection waiting for them.
As family therapist Esther Perel has said, “Rituals are the anchor of meaning in family life.” And when those rituals continue into adulthood, they’re a way of saying: this bond still matters.
6. They show up in practical ways
Care isn’t always spoken—it’s often shown through action.
That might mean helping move apartments without complaint. Babysitting grandkids when possible. Or quietly topping up the pantry when visiting.
I’ll never forget when my mom brought over a stack of freezer meals right after Emil was born. She didn’t make a big production out of it, didn’t even stay long—just handed them over with a smile and said, “I figured this might make your week easier.” It wasn’t glamorous, but it was care made tangible.
Adult children notice these gestures. They’re reminders that love is still lived out, not just talked about.
7. They make space for their child’s life to grow
At the heart of it, kindness in parenting adult children means holding both closeness and freedom. It’s about saying, “I love you enough to let you live your life fully—even if it looks different from mine.”
That might mean embracing their career choice that you don’t fully understand, or supporting their move across the country, or welcoming a partner whose background is different from yours.
The kind parents I’ve seen at their best make room for their adult child’s life to expand, instead of pulling them back into a smaller version that feels comfortable.
Because really, isn’t that the goal? To raise children who can build their own rich, independent lives—knowing they’ll always have a parent who celebrates alongside them?
Final thoughts
Kind parenting doesn’t stop at eighteen. It simply shifts shape.
When parents check in without pressure, honor boundaries, celebrate the small stuff, listen more than they lecture, keep up meaningful rituals, show care in practical ways, and make space for growth—they send a powerful, lasting message: You are loved, not just as my child, but as the adult you’ve become.
And that message? It’s the kind that lingers for decades.
