Every generation swears they’ll do things differently than their parents. And millennial parents have certainly followed through on that promise.
We’re the generation that grew up hearing certain phrases on repeat. Phrases that made us feel small, dismissed, or misunderstood. Phrases that ended conversations rather than opening them.
Now that we’re the parents, many of us have quietly made a list of things we won’t say to our own kids. Not because our parents were monsters, but because we understand now that there are better ways to communicate.
Here are seven phrases most millennial parents have consciously left in the past.
1) “Because I said so”
This was the ultimate conversation ender. You’d ask why you couldn’t do something, why a rule existed, why things were a certain way, and you’d get this brick wall of a response.
“Because I said so.”
It shut down curiosity, discouraged critical thinking, and communicated that your questions didn’t matter. All that mattered was obedience.
Millennial parents tend to take a different approach. We explain our reasoning, even when it’s inconvenient. We want our kids to understand the why behind rules, not just follow them blindly.
This doesn’t mean we negotiate everything or let our kids argue us into different decisions. It means we respect them enough to explain our thinking.
When kids understand why something matters, they’re more likely to internalize the lesson rather than just comply out of fear. They learn to think critically about rules and decisions, which serves them well as adults.
2) “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”
This phrase still makes many of us cringe. It threatened escalation for expressing emotion. It communicated that your feelings were inconvenient and unwelcome.
The message was clear: your tears are annoying me, and if you don’t stop immediately, I’ll make things worse for you.
Most millennial parents recognize this as emotional invalidation at best and threat of harm at worst. We’re trying to raise emotionally intelligent kids who understand that feelings are okay, even uncomfortable ones.
Instead of threatening children for crying, we’re learning to acknowledge their feelings. “I can see you’re really upset.” “That must be frustrating.” “It’s okay to feel sad.”
This doesn’t mean we indulge every tantrum or let emotions dictate everything. It means we don’t punish kids for having feelings.
3) “You’re being too sensitive”
When you expressed hurt or upset about something, and your parent told you that you were overreacting or being too sensitive, the message was that your feelings were wrong.
That you were defective for being affected by things. That you should toughen up and stop letting things bother you.
Millennial parents generally understand that sensitivity isn’t a character flaw. Some kids are more sensitive than others, and that’s okay. It’s not something to be shamed out of them.
We’re trying to validate our children’s experiences while also helping them develop coping skills. “I know that hurt your feelings” is different from “you’re being too sensitive.”
One acknowledges their reality. The other dismisses it.
We want our kids to trust their feelings and perceptions, not learn to doubt themselves because someone told them they were feeling wrong.
4) “Children should be seen and not heard”
This phrase, or versions of it, communicated that children’s voices didn’t matter. That adult conversation was more important. That kids should exist quietly in the background until spoken to.
It taught children that their thoughts, questions, and observations were interruptions rather than contributions.
Most millennial parents want to raise kids who feel comfortable speaking up, asking questions, and participating in conversations. We include them in discussions, ask their opinions, and treat their input as valuable.
This doesn’t mean kids get to dominate every conversation or interrupt constantly. It means they’re part of the family, not decorative accessories who should stay silent.
We teach them how to join conversations appropriately, but we don’t silence them just for existing.
5) “Wait until your father/mother gets home”
This phrase did several problematic things at once. It positioned one parent as the disciplinarian, undermined the authority of the parent currently present, and created anxiety about the other parent’s arrival.
It taught kids that Mom couldn’t handle discipline, or that Dad was scary, or that problems would be dealt with later rather than addressed in the moment.
Millennial parents tend to handle issues as they arise, whoever is present. We’re trying to be united fronts where both parents have equal authority and responsibility.
There’s no “wait until your father gets home” because both parents are capable of addressing behavior, setting consequences, and handling discipline.
We want our kids to see both parents as equally involved and equally in charge, not as good cop and bad cop.
6) “I don’t care who started it”
When siblings fought, many of our parents punished everyone involved regardless of who instigated or who was defending themselves. The logic was that it takes two to fight, so both kids get in trouble.
But this felt deeply unfair to the kid who was responding to being hit, teased, or provoked. It taught kids that there’s no point in trying to explain what actually happened because the adult doesn’t care about context.
Millennial parents are more likely to investigate what actually happened. To listen to both sides. To distinguish between the instigator and the person defending themselves.
We’re trying to teach conflict resolution, which requires understanding that context matters. The kid who hit first and the kid who hit back after being hit aren’t equally responsible.
This takes more time and energy than just punishing everyone. But it’s more fair, and it teaches better lessons about accountability.
7) “You’ll understand when you’re older”
This was another conversation ender that dismissed children’s capacity to understand complex topics. It communicated that you were too young, too immature, too limited to grasp what adults knew.
Sometimes it was used to avoid difficult conversations. Sometimes it was genuinely about age-appropriate information. But either way, it shut down dialogue.
Millennial parents tend to believe in age-appropriate honesty. We answer kids’ questions at their level of understanding rather than dismissing them entirely.
When a five-year-old asks about death, we don’t say “you’ll understand when you’re older.” We explain in terms they can grasp. When a ten-year-old asks about divorce, we’re honest without oversharing adult details.
We trust that kids can handle truth better than they can handle being dismissed or lied to. We adjust the details to their developmental stage, but we don’t refuse to engage entirely.
Conclusion
Our parents did the best they could with the understanding and tools they had. Most of them loved us deeply and genuinely wanted what was best for us.
But parenting culture has shifted. We understand more about child development, emotional health, and effective communication than previous generations did.
Millennial parents are trying to raise kids who feel heard, validated, and respected. Who trust their own feelings and perceptions. Who understand the reasoning behind rules. Who know that both parents are equally capable and involved.
Does this mean we’re perfect parents who never mess up? Absolutely not. We’re figuring it out just like every generation before us.
We have our own blind spots, our own mistakes, our own phrases that our kids will probably ban when they become parents.
But we’re conscious about language in ways our parents often weren’t. We think about how our words land, what messages they send, and what patterns they create.
We’re breaking cycles, one banned phrase at a time. Not because we’re better than our parents, but because we have the benefit of their experience plus our own reflection on what worked and what didn’t.
And maybe that’s what each generation is supposed to do. Take what served us, leave what didn’t, and do our best to improve on what we inherited.
Our kids will do the same with us someday. And that’s exactly as it should be.
