The other morning, my phone rang at 6:30 AM.
It was my grown daughter calling from across the country, voice shaking as she told me about a work crisis that had kept her up all night.
My heart immediately went into overdrive.
Every fiber of my being wanted to jump through the phone, wrap her in a hug, and fix everything like I used to when she was five and scraped her knee.
But she’s not five anymore.
She’s 24, living her own life, making her own choices.
And what she needed from me in that moment wasn’t a rescue mission or a lecture about what she should have done differently.
She needed something much simpler and much harder to give: the right words that would help her feel capable without making her feel small.
After years of navigating this delicate balance with my own adult children, I’ve learned that the phrases we use matter enormously.
The wrong words can push them away or make them feel like we still see them as helpless kids.
The right ones? They can strengthen your relationship while giving them the confidence boost they need to tackle whatever life throws at them.
1) “I trust your judgment on this”
This phrase has become my go-to when my kids come to me with decisions they’re wrestling with.
Whether it’s about changing careers, ending a relationship, or moving to a new city, these six words communicate respect for their autonomy while still offering support.
I remember when my son called me about quitting his stable job to pursue freelance work.
My initial instinct was to list all the reasons why stability matters (hello, health insurance!).
Instead, I took a breath and said, “I trust your judgment on this.”
The relief in his voice was immediate.
He then spent the next hour talking through his plan with me, not because I demanded it, but because he wanted to share it.
2) “Tell me more about what you’re thinking”
This one comes straight from my teaching days, and it works just as well with adults as it did with third-graders.
When your adult child shares something that makes you internally panic, this phrase buys you time to process while showing genuine interest in their perspective.
It also prevents that knee-jerk reaction of offering unsolicited advice.
Sometimes they just need to talk things through, and this phrase opens that door without making them feel interrogated or judged.
3) “That sounds really challenging, and you’re handling it well”
Validation without swooping in to fix things is an art form I’m still perfecting.
This phrase acknowledges their struggle while affirming their capability.
It’s especially powerful when they’re dealing with something you desperately want to solve for them.
Last month, my daughter was navigating a difficult situation with her roommate.
Instead of launching into problem-solving mode or offering to call the landlord myself (yes, the thought crossed my mind), I used this phrase.
She visibly relaxed and then asked for my input, which she was much more receptive to because she didn’t feel like I was treating her as incompetent.
4) “I’m here if you need me, no questions asked”
Sometimes our grown kids need to know we’re their safety net without feeling like we’re hovering with the net ready to catch them at the slightest wobble.
This phrase establishes availability without intrusion.
My parents used to pepper me with questions whenever I called them with a problem.
While well-intentioned, it often made me regret reaching out.
Now, with my own kids, I’ve learned that sometimes just knowing the door is open is enough.
5) “You’ve gotten through tough things before”
Reminding them of their own resilience without comparing their current situation to past ones is key here.
It’s not “Remember when you dealt with that breakup? This is nothing compared to that.”
It’s simply acknowledging their track record of strength.
When we remind our adult children of their past successes in overcoming challenges, we’re not minimizing their current struggles.
We’re helping them remember their own capacity for resilience.
6) “What do you need from me right now?”
This question has saved me from so many missteps.
Sometimes they need advice.
Sometimes they need a listening ear.
Sometimes they need you to distract them with funny stories about the dog.
By asking directly, you avoid the assumption game and give them control over the type of support they receive.
I learned this the hard way when I spent an entire phone call giving practical advice about apartment hunting, only to have my son finally interrupt with, “Mom, I just needed to vent. I’ve already figured out what I’m going to do.”
7) “I love watching you figure things out”
This phrase celebrates their growth and independence while still expressing your care.
It shifts the focus from their problems to their problem-solving abilities, which is incredibly empowering.
It also subtly communicates that you see them as capable adults, not eternal children who need constant guidance.
8) “Your feelings about this make complete sense”
Emotional validation without trying to fix or change their feelings is something I wish I’d learned earlier in my parenting journey.
Our adult children need to know their emotional responses are valid, even if we might handle the situation differently.
This phrase has been particularly powerful when my kids are dealing with workplace frustrations or relationship challenges that I can’t directly influence.
It helps them feel heard and understood without me overstepping boundaries.
9) “I’m proud of how you’re handling this”
Pride expressed for their process, not just their outcomes, reinforces that you value their effort and growth.
It’s not about whether they succeed or fail in traditional terms, but about recognizing their courage in facing challenges.
10) “Take your time, there’s no rush”
In our fast-paced world, giving someone permission to slow down is a gift.
When our adult children feel pressure to have everything figured out immediately, this phrase offers breathing room.
Whether they’re deciding about grad school, considering a big move, or navigating a relationship decision, reminding them that they don’t need to rush can reduce anxiety and lead to better choices.
Closing thoughts
Finding the right balance between being supportive and respecting our adult children’s independence is an ongoing journey.
These phrases have helped me maintain close relationships with my kids while honoring their autonomy and growth.
The truth is, watching our children become adults requires us to evolve too.
We have to resist the urge to jump in with solutions, bite our tongues when we disagree with their choices, and trust that we’ve given them the tools they need to navigate life.
These phrases aren’t magic words that solve everything.
They’re simply ways to communicate love, respect, and confidence in our grown children’s abilities.
And sometimes, that’s exactly what they need to hear.
