Ever find yourself holding your breath when your parents visit?
Last week, my mom arrived with three bags of candy “for the kids” and immediately started telling my daughter she was too skinny.
By day two, she’d rearranged my pantry, questioned why we don’t have a TV in the living room, and given both kids cookies right before dinner.
Sound familiar? Look, I adore my parents, they raised me with so much love, and they absolutely light up around their grandkids.
However, sometimes their well-meaning gestures can throw our whole routine into chaos.
Judging by conversations at the playground, I’m not alone in this struggle.
The thing is, grandparents genuinely believe they’re helping.
They come from a different era of parenting, and what worked then feels natural to them now.
For those of us trying to maintain boundaries, manage screen time, or keep sugar intake reasonable, these loving habits can create real stress.
So, let’s talk about it: Here are nine grandparent habits that come from a place of love but might be making your life harder than it needs to be.
1) Showing up with bags of treats and toys
My kids barely finish unwrapping one gift before another appears.
Grandparents see this as pure joy-giving, and honestly, who can blame them?
They remember being told “money doesn’t grow on trees” and now they finally get to spoil someone.
But here’s what happens at my house: The playroom becomes overwhelming, my kids expect presents every visit, and suddenly that wooden block set we carefully chose gets buried under a mountain of plastic.
Plus, have you ever tried explaining to a two-year-old why they can’t have the lollipop grandma brought when you’re trying to serve lunch?
I’ve started suggesting experience gifts or contributions to their savings accounts.
Some grandparents get it, others still show up with toy store bags.
Pick your battles, right?
2) Constantly commenting on eating habits
“Just one more bite for grandma!”
“You’re getting so skinny!”
“In my day, we cleaned our plates.”
These phrases probably ring a bell.
Grandparents grew up when food scarcity was real, when wasting food was almost sinful.
They show love through full bellies and second helpings, but we’re trying to raise intuitive eaters here.
Kids who stop when they’re full, who don’t associate food with guilt or obligation.
When grandparents push food or comment on body size, it undermines everything we’re working toward.
My daughter started hiding vegetables under her napkin after one too many “clean plate” lectures.
That took months to undo!
3) Dismissing car seat and safety rules
“We didn’t have all these fancy seats and you survived!”
This one makes my eye twitch.
Yes, we survived, but plenty of kids didn’t… which is why safety standards changed.
When grandparents want to skip the booster seat for a “quick trip” or think bike helmets are overkill, they’re not trying to endanger anyone.
They genuinely don’t see the risk because their experience tells them it’s fine.
Standing firm on safety stuff is non-negotiable in our house, even when it means being labeled the uptight parent.
Better uptight than dealing with preventable tragedy.
4) Offering unsolicited parenting advice
Whether it’s sleep training, discipline, or why you’re still breastfeeding that toddler, grandparents have opinions.
Strong ones.
They share them freely, usually starting with “Well, when you were little…”
They mean well as they’ve successfully raised kids (hey, we’re here!), so obviously they know what works.
Yet, parenting has evolved.
We know more about child development, emotional regulation, and the long-term effects of different approaches.
Plus, every kid is different.
What worked for one generation or one child might be completely wrong for another.
5) Undermining bedtime and nap schedules
“Oh, let them stay up! We’re having such fun!”
Grandparents don’t deal with the overtired meltdown at 3 AM.
They don’t see the next day’s chaos when naps get skipped.
To them, bending bedtime rules feels like making magical memories.
Sometimes it is but, when it happens every visit, or when they actively argue against your schedule, it becomes exhausting.
I’ve learned to be really clear about consequences.
“If bedtime gets pushed back, tomorrow’s park trip might not happen because everyone will be too cranky.”
Sometimes, that helps them understand the ripple effects.
6) Overriding screen time limits
My parents think I’m raising my kids in the stone age because we limit screens.
“Just let them watch one show!” turns into three episodes while grandma scrolls her phone.
They don’t see screens as harmful; after all, they parked us in front of Saturday morning cartoons and we’re fine.
However, we’re dealing with different technology now.
The content, the algorithms, the sheer addictive quality of today’s devices; it’s not the same as vintage Sesame Street.
When grandparents hand over their phones or flip on the TV against our wishes, they’re not respecting the media diet we’re carefully maintaining.
7) Comparing siblings or cousins
“Your cousin was walking by ten months!”
“Your brother never threw tantrums like this.”
Comparisons might feel like casual conversation to grandparents, but kids absorb everything.
These comments plant seeds of competition, inadequacy, and resentment that can last decades.
Trust me, I still remember being told I wasn’t as naturally athletic as my sister.
Every child develops at their own pace and has different strengths.
When grandparents make comparisons, even positive ones, they’re creating unnecessary pressure and family dynamics that we then have to navigate.
8) Ignoring new allergy and dietary restrictions
“A little bit won’t hurt!”
Actually, it might.
Whether we’re dealing with actual allergies, intolerances, or family dietary choices, grandparents often view food restrictions as overprotective nonsense.
They sneak bites of things, forget to check labels, or openly roll their eyes at gluten-free requests.
This can be dangerous and, even when it’s not life-threatening, it teaches kids that some rules don’t really matter if the right person is breaking them.
9) Publicly contradicting your parenting
You say no to something.
Grandparent immediately says yes, often adding “Mom’s being silly” or “Don’t tell Dad.”
They think they’re being the fun grandparent, creating special bonds and secret moments, but they’re actually undermining your authority and teaching your kids that rules are negotiable if you find the right person to ask.
It creates confusion, encourages manipulation, and frankly, it’s disrespectful to you as the parent.
Finding the balance
Here’s what I keep reminding myself: Our parents love our kids fiercely.
These habits come from that love, from wanting to give everything, fix everything, and create joy.
They’re not trying to make our lives harder, but we’re allowed to set boundaries, parent differently, and say “Thanks for your input, but we’re doing it this way.”
Some days I pick my battles.
The extra cookie and the skipped nap before a family event? Fine, we’ll survive.
But safety stuff, respect for our choices, and basic routine consistency? Those are my hills.
What works for your family might be different.
Maybe you’re fine with more flexibility, or maybe you need firmer boundaries than I do.
The key is figuring out what you can live with and communicating it clearly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, we’re all on the same team because we all want these kids to thrive.
We just have different playbooks, and that’s okay.
